How young is too young?

[Jack]

How young is too young to talk to your kids about sex? If you've already talked to your kids about sex, tell us how it went. Did you recommend condoms? Did you discuss pregnancy? How about consequences?

[Midtowner]

I'd say it has a lot to do with their peer group. I don't claim any expertise in the area, but I'd hope that the parent gets the information to the kids before they learn it somewhere else.

Here's a good website:

http://www.talkingwithkids.org/sex.html

[Patrick]

Depends on the child and how far along they are.

[Keith]

How young is too young to talk to your kids about sex? If you've already talked to your kids about sex, tell us how it went. Did you recommend condoms? Did you discuss pregnancy? How about consequences?

I spoke to my son (who will be 18 Dec.24), when he was around 11-12 years old. I remember sitting in the living room and mentioning to him that we needed to talk about sex. He wasn't over thrilled, but he did sit and listen.

It really went very well, and he had some questions for me that I thought he already knew the answers to. We talked for a good 2 hours about it. Although he knows that he isn't suppose to have sex before marriage, I did discuss condoms with him, and informed him that they aren't 100% trustworthy. I also explained to him about getting a girl pregnant and the responsibilities he would have if that were to happen. He had already informed me that he had no interest in having sex before he married.

He also knows that no matter what, his mom and I will love him no matter what he does. If he makes a mistake, then we will deal with it when it happens. I really doubt that he will make a mistake, because he has a very bright future ahead of himself and he doesn't want to jeopardize anything.

My daughter is 12 years old, and my wife talked to her about a year ago about it, and she also told me that the talk went very well.

[bandnerd]

Before puberty. Not too much before, so things aren't just "gross" and "no way!" They will have figured out by that point that men and women are physically different (I would talk about this before, just tell them there is a reason for that and when they are older and will be able to understand they will learn)

Also included in the sex speech: Pregnancy, how a woman gets pregnant, legal and financial repurcussions of pregnancy, life-long STD's like herpes and HIV, prevention of all of this, why oral sex IS sex and while I can't condone no sex before marriage (because I would be a total hypocrite) I would include that sex with love is much more a complete experience, even if outside of marriage, and that it is something that is not to be entered into lightly. I won't kid myself into thinking a child in this day and age isn't going to do anything at all.

[Jack]

I suppose we could just leave it to the schools to educate them on the matter! Just make sure the clinic is stocked with condoms. Just kidding.

[mranderson]

When a child asks where babies come from, it is time to tell them... The truth.

[Jack]

mranderson, I've seen 5 year olds ask where babies come from. Should we really go into all the details with a 5 year old.

On the other side of the coin, what if the child never asks where babies come from?

[Midtowner]

I suppose we could just leave it to the schools to educate them on the matter! Just make sure the clinic is stocked with condoms. Just kidding.

Why would you be against sex-ed and condums in schools? Both have been directly linked to corresponding drops in pregnancy rates.

[Patrick]

I personally think sex ed in schools is good, but it's still not a substitute for a parent talking to their children about sex.

[mranderson]

mranderson, I've seen 5 year olds ask where babies come from. Should we really go into all the details with a 5 year old.

On the other side of the coin, what if the child never asks where babies come from?

If they ask, they are ready. So... Yes. However, on a five year old level.

[Midtowner]

I personally think sex ed in schools is good, but it's still not a substitute for a parent talking to their children about sex.

Nothing is, but most parents suck at being good parents which is why we need sex-ed. Concerned parents can always opt-out.

[Patrick]

Oh, come on....it isn't that difficult. Just invite the kiddos in while you're having sex. LOL! Then they'll be scarred for life.

[Faith]

If they ask, they are ready. So... Yes. However, on a five year old level.

My five year old didn't even have to ask last year when I was pregnant with his little brother. When we told him he said he knew Jesus had sent him a brother or sister. And that is the truth and we left it at that. There is nothing else, IMO, to be said to a child about where babies come from.

[Jack]

I think mranderson was simply saying it might provide an easy opportunity to begin a discussion about sex.

[Faith]

There is nothing about sex that I would ever discuss with my 5 year old. Or for that matter not even when he turns 6,7,8,9,10..... I will just see what level of maturity he is at before I even discuss basics with him.

My parents never talked to me about sex. Not even one time. Not only that my mother never talked to me about the female stuff either. I wish they would have so I would have been educated on the subject.

[Jack]

You know, there are 10 year olds out there having sex.

[Faith]

Just a thought... at what age would we need to teach our children about sex if it was legal. There would be billboards, magazine and newspaper advertisements promoting their business everywhere. I know kids become serious at all different ages but I think we would see it alot more if prostitution was legalized.

[Midtowner]

Those types of ads can be regulated as to not be targeted at minors just as cigarette ads are now regulated.

-- I don't consider this to be a problem.

[mranderson]

Oh, come on....it isn't that difficult. Just invite the kiddos in while you're having sex. LOL! Then they'll be scarred for life.

Only problem with that is it would wipe out the human race.

[swake]

I think the idea of a talk is all wrong. You should have a discussion, that can begin as early as five if they ask questions. It should really begin by 7 or 8 when some kids start having play "boyfriends and girldfriends" on the playground and they start to see and hear things on TV and in music.

As they get older, and see more on TV and hear more from friends, then the discussion can get more adult and frank. It shouldn't be one talk, it should be 30 or 40. Kids get bombarded with so much other info from other sources, just one talk would get lost. This way also, if the child is going to make a decision to do something, they are more likely to come to a parent before making that decision, and that has to be good. And even if they don't, they know exactly what mom/dad think and have an idea about what is right/wrong/dangerous and how sex is twisted in the media.

[Leon]

I talked to my son just a few weeks before he turned 11. A few months after he really started paying attention to girls. The talk took a while and it included: peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, peer pressure, testosterone, estrogen, why he now notices butts and boobs, wet dreams, peer pressure, sex, conception, birth and a bunch of other things...did I mention peer pressure? Tesch them what it is, how to recognize it, and how to deal with it. Apparently the talk went well, now he feels comfortable enough to talk to me about anything and has asked some pretty intense questions since then. He knows I'll listen and help and not judge...and that's the purpose of the talk in the first place.