Servers in OKC

[Urbanized]

At the end of the day, only BASIC politeness and courtesy is required. "Hi, welcome to _______" "hello, how may I help you?" "do you have any questions about the menu?" "how is your meal?" "can I get you anything else?" "please" "thank you" "have a nice day" "thanks for visiting us today".

Believe it or not, NONE of these things require you to compromise your "authenticity", even if you're having a bad day. If you're having a GOOD day, you might even attempt a smile. I know, sounds crazy, right? Actually, even if you're having a BAD day, studies show that the simple act of MAKING yourself smile can improve your mood. Maybe try it sometime.

And if you REALLY want to suck up (by today's standards) throw in an occasional "sir" or "ma'am". I know they sound ridiculously old-fashioned, but whatever. Just pretend you're being ironic. Whatever you do though, drop "chief", "boss", "bro", "dude", and even "man". A significant number of your customers consider those terms to be too familiar, and you'll make these people uncomfortable, or worse, offended. Why would you ever want to do that to someone who (you hope) is tipping you?

The same with sitting down with your customers, unless they are personal friends, and unless your boss is OK with it. Even then, do it for only a short time if you are working and other customers can see you. Hang out with your friends when you're not on the clock.

Again, none of these things requires you to lie, compromise your integrity, turn in your hipster card, or whatever. None of them are anywhere even CLOSE to being "snooty". They mostly involve just basic, simple courtesy to another human being. If you disagree, I honestly question the way you were raised.

[Rover]

This is a pretty typical generational fallacy. Every generation thinks that their generation was better than the next generation. Your parents thought the same about your generation and your grandparents thought the same about your parents. Here's a nice article on the phenomenon.

Etiquette and social skills are never generational, but more about having a little class ( notice I didn't say having money). Someone above thought propriety means snooty. That is just sad. Knowing and acting in a polite fashion should be a skill that people aspire to have regardless of age, social stature, etc. I know plenty of poor who have excellent manners. I know plenty of older persons who are cads.

By the way, being truly polite is just good business for a server, especially one that wishes to make the restaurant business their profession. Learning how best to be of service to a customer in the food (or any business) is the best route to success. Alienating customers by being, lazy, rude or careless is the best way to stay a minimum wage worker.

[rte66man]

Had what I would consider to be the WORST server today at the TGI Friday's on NW Expy. We had a table for 4 but found out the 4th person wasn't going to make it so we told the server that when he came to take our drink order. He did not acknowledge it but we let it go. He came back with our drinks and we repeated that there would only be 3 but he took off before we could finish the sentence. We finally got him to come back to take our appetizer and entree order. He still thought we were waiting on a 4th person even though we had TWICE told him this was not so. We waited quite awhile (nearly 20 minutes), then our entrees were brought out. The manager was there so we asked about our appetizers. She was not aware of any appetizer order. We told her we no longer need them since our main meal was already there.

The server never once came back and asked us anything about how the food was or had any other interaction with us. btw they were NOT busy and had plenty of staff there to handle the customers. We had to flag down the manager to get some extra dressing for our lettuce wedge. We finished our meals and placed the cutlery and used napkins accordingly to demonstrate we were done. However, since he never bothered to check on us, we had to gesture to get someone's attention to get the check. When he cam by, we told him we needed a small To-Go box and the check as we did not want any dessert. He acted like he never heard us and asked us if we needed a to-go box and whether we wanted dessert.

To make a long story short, poor service, a server who appeared to not be listening to anything we said, we had to get up and go the the server station to get any service, and the ticket was wrong to boot. Won't be going back there any time soon.

[Pete]

TGI Friday's is having pretty big trouble nationwide and I suspect that makes it even harder for them to recruit good managers and servers -- and retain them.

They've closed lots of locations.

[warreng88]

I'd rather have an over-the-top scripted line then someone saying 'no problem' when you thank them for something.

This is another huge pet peeve. 'No problem' is not an acceptable response to someone who is paying money (and thus your salary) at the establishment at which you are employed.

'Thank you very much' should be the minimum reply and it's surprisingly rare.

There is a waiter at Mama Roja's who says no problem for everything. He was a good waiter, I tipped well, but for everything, it was "no problem." Ordering waters, our food, asking for the check and telling him thanks. We probably "no problem" 20 times. At the end of the meal, I said to my wife, "why do I feel like there is a problem?"

[Ginkasa]

Etiquette and social skills are never generational, but more about having a little class ( notice I didn't say having money). Someone above thought propriety means snooty. That is just sad. Knowing and acting in a polite fashion should be a skill that people aspire to have regardless of age, social stature, etc. I know plenty of poor who have excellent manners. I know plenty of older persons who are cads.

By the way, being truly polite is just good business for a server, especially one that wishes to make the restaurant business their profession. Learning how best to be of service to a customer in the food (or any business) is the best route to success. Alienating customers by being, lazy, rude or careless is the best way to stay a minimum wage worker.

Being polite is not generational, but what that means can and has changed. I think there are things that each of us do or don't do that would be considered rude if you go back one or two generations, but is acceptable today.

This is especially true considering the rapid changes in the way we communicate with each other over the last few generations.

[ljbab728]

Had what I would consider to be the WORST server today at the TGI Friday's on NW Expy. We had a table for 4 but found out the 4th person wasn't going to make it so we told the server that when he came to take our drink order. He did not acknowledge it but we let it go. He came back with our drinks and we repeated that there would only be 3 but he took off before we could finish the sentence. We finally got him to come back to take our appetizer and entree order. He still thought we were waiting on a 4th person even though we had TWICE told him this was not so. We waited quite awhile (nearly 20 minutes), then our entrees were brought out. The manager was there so we asked about our appetizers. She was not aware of any appetizer order. We told her we no longer need them since our main meal was already there.

The server never once came back and asked us anything about how the food was or had any other interaction with us. btw they were NOT busy and had plenty of staff there to handle the customers. We had to flag down the manager to get some extra dressing for our lettuce wedge. We finished our meals and placed the cutlery and used napkins accordingly to demonstrate we were done. However, since he never bothered to check on us, we had to gesture to get someone's attention to get the check. When he cam by, we told him we needed a small To-Go box and the check as we did not want any dessert. He acted like he never heard us and asked us if we needed a to-go box and whether we wanted dessert.

To make a long story short, poor service, a server who appeared to not be listening to anything we said, we had to get up and go the the server station to get any service, and the ticket was wrong to boot. Won't be going back there any time soon.

I eat that location occasionally and have always had great service there. Sorry you had that experience.

[Bill Robertson]

I'm apparently in the minority on this. Not too unusual. It doesn't bother me even a little bit to be called any of the things mentioned except sir. If you call me sir I will very politely and gently tell you I'm not a sir, I'm just a guy. I don't like being called anything that implies even a little bit that I might be older, wiser or in any way higher than the person talking to me. I am and want to be an equal. If only for the duration of dinner or whatever I want to be as friends. For me that's part of the relaxation of going out.

[Urbanized]

^^^^^^
But there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You are inviting someone to be less formal with you, which is your prerogative. Someone CHOOSING to treat you with less respect - without your permission - is overstepping the customer boundary.

And by the way, I'm 48 and I routinely call people half my age "sir". It has nothing to do with age, wisdom or social standing. It is merely an acknowledgement that you are a customer, who can choose to take your business anywhere but thankfully brought it to my place of business.

If you correct me and ask me to instead call you by your first name I'm happy to do so, because at the moment my job is to make you as happy and as comfortable as I reasonably can.

[AP]

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who is completely turned off by informal service. I know a lot of people enjoy when waiters try to be buddies with them. I absolutely hate it. The worst is what Pete mentioned, when they call you boss or chief or something stupid like that. It actually makes me want to leave less of a tip.

[adaniel]

I'm apparently in the minority on this. Not too unusual. It doesn't bother me even a little bit to be called any of the things mentioned except sir. If you call me sir I will very politely and gently tell you I'm not a sir, I'm just a guy. I don't like being called anything that implies even a little bit that I might be older, wiser or in any way higher than the person talking to me. I am and want to be an equal. If only for the duration of dinner or whatever I want to be as friends. For me that's part of the relaxation of going out.

Same here. I don't think we are really in the minority given that, if a lot of waiters are using it, I don't think a lot of people have a problem with it. Folks, OKC is a VERY casual and laid back place, as is most of this part of the country. Even here in Dallas, I have been referred to as chief, boss, etc. I also think as a whole, the dining scene here (and OKC in general) skew somewhat young. Terms of endearment do indeed change with age and location, so I think that getting hung up on semantics and such is a bit petty. We are only a generation removed from "madam" being acceptable; you call that someone now, you might as well call them a prostitute LOL.

Are you being treated in a respectful fashion? Is your food and drink being delivered timely? That's what I would be worried about, TBH.

And sir and ma'am are not always considered respectful amongst certain groups. Speaking of age, I work with the public on a semi-regular basis. When talking to people on the east coast, I have to refrain from using sir and ma'am. Out there, those terms are considered borderline condescending, especially coming from a younger person towards an older person. Obviously OKC is not the east coast, but it's not really the south, either.

[Jersey Boss]

If a server addresses customers by "chief" or "boss", the customer should be empowered to summon the manager and terminate the server from serving said customer.

[dankrutka]

Not sure if some of these things are generational, the way I was raised, or just my habits, but I don't mind most of the things that were brought up on the first page. I find it funny and even endearing when someone addresses me our table uniquely (e.g., boss, brother). I guess I get bored by standard politeness and I'd rather people be interesting. I also have no problem with "no problem." It's interesting how people perceive things differently. My focus is almost completely on whether I think a server is authentic, attentive, and thorough, which I think they can be when they reply, "No problem, boss."

[dankrutka]

And yet we have people in this thread openly identifying as Millennials and saying that they don't think basic politeness isn't important as long as the food gets there on time. How do you account for this?

I think we define politeness differently. Or may it's not politeness that millenials and others want (I am hesitant to even define this across generational lines), but authenticity. Again, Chick-fil-a makes their servers say "my pleasure," which is probably very polite, but also unnecessary for me personally. I totally agree that it if many customers desire the type of politness which you and others have stated that it is wise for servers to be "polite." I just don't think it's an ethical knock on younger generations that people say "no problem."

[Motley]

Was watching the OU game here in San Diego at a very popular sports bar/microbrewery named Oggi's. The waiter called my friend and me "boss" when taking the order. I asked my friend, who is in his late 40s, if that bothered him, and he said it didn't even register with him. The waiter was young, male, and very laid back, but he did a good job and even joked with us on the order. He also changed the channel on two of the tvs to let us watch OU from both of our seats even though I am pretty sure we were the only two people watching that game since Stanford was on.

[catch22]

Tone and energy is my gauge on politeness. A cold and sterile "thank you for your business" to me is much worse than a warm and quick "thanks!" or "no problem!". And sticking with that theme, a cold and sterile "no problem" is worse than a warm "thanks!".

Corporate canned responses remind me so much of the movie Idiocracy. "Welcome to Costco, I love you."

I don't think a "no problem" is any sign of disrespect, unless it has a poor tone. And Rover/Urbanized/Pete, if you read my first several posts you will see where I mention "no problem" is unacceptable when it comes to acknowledging the entire transaction, and I find only appropriate when fulfilling small requests, such as extra sides. The entire transaction should always be thanked. The small side work during the experience can be expressed in other ways, depending on the type of restaurant you are dining at. If I were at an upscale restaurant, on an important date, I would expect to get a very formal experience. If I'm chewing through a burger at S&B or enjoying a beer at a bar -- a "no problem" is not going to ruin my day or subtract from the experience.

[catch22]

Was watching the OU game here in San Diego at a very popular sports bar/microbrewery named Oggi's. The waiter called my friend and me "boss" when taking the order. I asked my friend, who is in his late 40s, if that bothered him, and he said it didn't even register with him. The waiter was young, male, and very laid back, but he did a good job and even joked with us on the order. He also changed the channel on two of the tvs to let us watch OU from both of our seats even though I am pretty sure we were the only two people watching that game since Stanford was on.

I brought up this conversation at work last night. My supervisor (55) and a few people ranging from (22-45) pretty much all agreed it doesn't matter as long as the actual service is good. And most said they didn't mind the occasional "no problem" if said in the correct way at the right time.

[Motley]

I asked my lunch partner from work who is around 56 and worked as a waiter in her younger days. She doesn't like "no problem", and much prefers a simple "you are welcome". She has no problem with "boss" or "chief" if in a casual restaurant. Since I tend to say "no problem" or "no problemo" myself, I guess I never noticed it from a service person.

[Urbanized]

I think we define politeness differently. Or may it's not politeness that millenials and others want (I am hesitant to even define this across generational lines), but authenticity. Again, Chick-fil-a makes their servers say "my pleasure," which is probably very polite, but also unnecessary for me personally. I totally agree that it if many customers desire the type of politness which you and others have stated that it is wise for servers to be "polite." I just don't think it's an ethical knock on younger generations that people say "no problem."

Again, people are missing the point. I have NEVER suggested anything inauthentic. I have NEVER defended "my pleasure," which can teeter on dishonesty if it truly was NOT your pleasure. If saying "my pleasure" works for you, it's certainly not going to offend anyone, but I agree completely that forcing someone to say it is dumb.

What I AM saying is that "please" is basic. So is "thank you." And "thank you" pretty much REQUIRES "you're welcome". And, by the way, as a customer I ALSO say "please" when asking for something, and "thank you" when receiving it. I say "please" and "thank you" and you're welcome to people who are NOT my customers, too. Including my employees. These things are the most BASIC courtesy. They are NOT fancy.

It boggles my mind that people here are to some extent arguing against this most basic tenet of civilized society. You're NOT "compromising your authenticity" by saying "please" or "thank you". Or if you are, you are authentically a not nice person.

Regarding "chief" "boss" or ANYTHING else, the point is that MANY of your customers are offended by it. Drop it, if you are in the service industry and actually give a **** about not offending a portion of your clientele, and if you care about your tip jar. If you prefer not to call someone "sir" or "ma'am", that's perfectly fine. Drop the use of those types of nouns entirely. "Hi! Welcome to _______" and "what can I get for you today?" and "have a nice day" are still great without "ma'am" and "sir", but "hey dude, welcome to _______", "what can I get you chief?" or "thanks boss" are bound to piss off and alienate at least a portion of your clientele (of all ages). Why on EARTH would you insist on doing that? Just to be right? Dumb. You're in this to make money, not to run off customers by being hard-headed and prideful.

And, it's not an ethical knock on people who say "no problem" (who ever said THAT?); it's just bad use of language that is guaranteed to confuse and turn off some customers. Why would you ever do that when "please" and "thank you" and "you're welcome" communicate respect and appreciation so much more clearly, to every generation and socio-economic group. Again, go back and read the links I posted, and see why "no problem" actually IS a problem, strictly from a business sense. Please.

[LocoAko]

If a server addresses customers by "chief" or "boss", the customer should be empowered to summon the manager and terminate the server from serving said customer.

Yeah, seriously. Those terms make my skin crawl. "No problem" doesn't really bother me, but that certainly would.

[jerrywall]

It's funny... I have different bars for different moods. If I want to be social, be chatted with by the bartender and other patrons, and such, I'll hit Skinny Slims, which is my default. Now, everyone who works at the Edmond location knows my name, but I tend to think that when I first started going there they greeted me as sir. I think one guy called me "bud" a few times, but he knew I was a regular and that the other staff was pretty casual with me.

On the other hand, there are times I don't feel like interacting with people and just want to be left alone. Typically, especially if it's slow (like not a drown night) I'll use some place like the Wolf Trap. Besides the basic greeting, I get left alone, usually called "sir" (unless I open a tab and then they read and use me name.

So my expectations vary by mood. The only thing I'm universal on is if you're going to call me by name, don't bastardize it. I'm Jerry. Not Jerr, or Gerald, or Jerraldo. Jerry was my dad's name, and is my son's name.

On the note of authenticity, I learned a useful lesson years ago when I was in sales. When someone asks how your day is going, train yourself to answer "unbelievable" enthusiastically. No matter how your day is, it's the truth, but it sounds much more positive.

[Urbanized]

^^^^^^^
I agree completely that an EXTRA casual setting (almost exclusively a bar when you are talking bar/restaurant) can make it OK to be more chummy right off the bat. And all bets are off if you are a regular at a place. When I go to a place where the bartender or other servers know me, I am glad to be called by my name or whatever, as most people are.

But to call a complete stranger, right off the bat "bro", "dude", "chief", etc.,? That is risky, offensive to some, and doesn't even belong in a fast casual or burger type restaurant. Seriously.

[jerrywall]

Agreed. I'm also not sure why "boss" seems to me more and more common lately.

[dankrutka]

It boggles my mind that people here are to some extent arguing against this most basic tenet of civilized society. You're NOT "compromising your authenticity" by saying "please" or "thank you". Or if you are, you are authentically a not nice person.
.

This is where you lost me. I don't see "please" and "thank you" as the bedrocks of civilization. That's agriculture... literally

And, to be clear, no one said saying "please" or "thank you" meant compromising your authenticity. But I don't think it defines whether you're a nice person either. If I was hungry and someone fed me, I don't care if they said please, thank you, or you're welcome. I'd say they're a nice person. Having said that, I say please and thank you, and I'm not at all discouraging it. Since a lot of people have that expectation, if you're in the service industry then, by all means, tell your employees to say it. I'm just not defining people, generations, cultures by it.

[ctchandler]

Please and thank you, the magic words.
C. T.