Singles jokes

[mranderson]

I have a lot of women ask me why I have never been married... Well, ladies... Here comes the answer... Feast your eyes on this...



Comebacks To "Why Aren't You Married Yet?"

You haven't asked yet.

I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.

Because I just love hearing this question.

Just lucky, I guess.

It gives my mother something to live for.

My fiancee is awaiting his/her parole.

I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.

I'm waiting until I get to be your age.

It didn't seem worth a blood test.

I already have enough laundry to do, thank you. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.

I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.

What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?

I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.

Why aren't you thin? I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.

[mranderson]

Things Not to Say on a Date
There are many of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date:

- "I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired."

- "No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it's not good to mix alcohol and penicillin."
- "I used to come here all the time with my ex."
- "I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it."
- "Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour."
- "I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be, I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look."
- "I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask." - "It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am."


Things not to say on your Valentine's date...
1. I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
2. People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell.
3. I used to come here all the time with my ex.
4. I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it.
5. Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
6. I like clay. It's mushy.
7. I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
8. And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
9. I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask. 10. It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.

[sweetdaisy]

These are great, Mr Anderson! I really like the "Why aren't you married yet" comebacks!