Does A Child Have The Right To Be Raised By Both Parents?

[jacodenn]

I would like to know your thoughts on whether or not a child has a right to be raised by both parents?

Thank you for your inputs.

Dennis
Oklahoma City

Typical Human Services Response - Children Need Both Parents

[Oh GAWD the Smell!]

No.

Because it could possibly infringe on my right to happiness. :P

[PennyQuilts]

I don't think they have the absolute legal "right" to be raised by both parents because some parents are dead, incarcerated, unknown, abusive (and that would include someone with an out of control substance abuse problem or is certifiably mentally unstable even if they haven't actually harmed the child), not living in the same locale or something like that. For what it is worth, I think a child should be able to have a relationship with a mentally stable, law abiding parent who is willing to be involved in the child's life.

Parental alienation is a horrible thing. One parent should not undermine the relationship of the child with the other parent just because they don't like that other parent. It is one thing to protect your child from an abuser. It is another thing to simply want to kick the other parent out of the child's life because the custodial parent hates him/her. Plenty of really, really crappy mates are excellent parents. Of course, it comes down to facts. Invariably, the custodial parent couches things in terms of the noncustodial parent being abusive or neglectful and insists they are only protecting the child. Sometimes they are, sometimes not. Depends on the circumstances. That is what I think, for what it is worth.

[PennyQuilts]

Oh, just watched the video.

I feel so sorry for that little boy.

[Dana]

I would like to know your thoughts on whether or not a child has a right to be raised by both parents?

Thank you for your inputs.

Dennis
Oklahoma City

Typical Human Services Response - Children Need Both Parents

I would like to know who you mailed that to that you could get it on the news I would love to do that myself.

[Dana]

I definately think you have the right I know you weren't asking for the dead beats and the druggies etc. I guess the others don't know you like I do you would not want a child to be in the hands of a bad parent.

[Dana]

No.

Because it could possibly infringe on my right to happiness. :P

Not a very compassionate reply to a good man who is in pain over the ordeal with his son. That is what is wrong with this world today nobody truely cares about anybody anymore they only think of themselves and how much is in it for them. Be it money, power, etc.

[jsibelius]

No. A child does NOT have a RIGHT to be raised by both parents. A child has a right to be raised in a safe environment. That does not always include both parents. That might be the ideal environment for raising children, but a "right?" No.

[Dana]

No. A child does NOT have a RIGHT to be raised by both parents. A child has a right to be raised in a safe environment. That does not always include both parents. That might be the ideal environment for raising children, but a "right?" No.

That is what he means a safe environment #1 by both parents #2

[jsibelius]

That is what he means a safe environment #1 by both parents #2

I can't watch the video b/c my computer's too old. All I can do is respond to the question as asked. Even so, I still say "no." It's ideal to have both parents, but not a "right." There can be a lot of intervening reasons why both parents are not in the picture, not all of which have to do with either side being at fault, incarcerated, or dead.

[Oh GAWD the Smell!]

Not a very compassionate reply to a good man who is in pain over the ordeal with his son. That is what is wrong with this world today nobody truely cares about anybody anymore they only think of themselves and how much is in it for them. Be it money, power, etc.

I wasn't speaking to him directly, I was answering the question. Lighten up Francis.

[Karried]

What a sad story.

Children have the right to be in a safe protected environment and to have their basic needs met... they don't really have 'rights' per say - they're usually too young to know what is 'good' for them ..

'Does a Child have a right to eat ice cream endlessly? ' no, because it's bad for them. 'Does a child have a right to live with a crackhead mom?' no, because it's bad for them.

If you asked 'does the parent have a right to raise their child' that's a different question and depends on the circumstances.

I don't feel like any custodial parent has the right to keep a child from the other parent (it's usually an effort to punish the other parent) but it also depends on the circumstances... if the other parent is abusive or neglectful, then no, the child doesn't need to be exposed to that situation at all.



Situations like this only make me believe even more strongly in the idea that people shouldn't get married and have kids until they know for sure they want to spend the rest of their lives with this person and know that this person will make a wonderful parent.


If your girlfriend/wife is a raving lunatic ( who is vindictive enough to keep you away from your children), then don't have kids with her.

If your boyfriend is a violent criminal and tries to kill you, don't have kids with him.


I know I don't sound very compassionate right now, and yes, people do make mistakes.. but what bothers me the most is that the children are in such pain and turmoil over something they have no control over. It's so discouraging.

[PennyQuilts]

Thank you, Karried. You always are so sensible.

[jacodenn]

Oklahoma Statutes Citationized
Title 43. Marriage
Section 110.1 - Policy for Equal Access to Minor Children by Parents

"It is the policy of this state to assure that minor children have frequent and continuing contact with parents who have shown the ability to act in the best interests of their children and to encourage parents to share in the rights and responsibilities of rearing their children after the parents have separated or dissolved their marriage. To effectuate this policy, if requested by a parent, the court shall provide substantially equal access to the minor children to both parents at a temporary order hearing, unless the court finds that such shared parenting would be detrimental to such child. The burden of proof that such shared parenting would be detrimental to such child shall be upon the parent requesting sole custody and the reason for such determination shall be documented in the court record."

(OSCN Found Document:Policy for Equal Access to Minor Children by Parents)


Comments?

Dennis
Oklahoma City

[StepMomster]

Yes, I do believe a child has a right to be raised by both FIT parents.

I don't believe anyone should have the right to make the decision for the child and while I do understand that people change, feelings change, parents are always parents, even after divorce.

But so many parents cannot set their differences aside, not even for their own children and to me that is just flat out wrong!

I was raised in a one parent household by my mother... some of the time, when I wasn't raised by my grandparents or aunt. While I wouldn't trade my family for the world, it still does not make up the fact that they and they alone drove my father away and that isn't easy for me to know as an adult and it sure wasn't any easier as a child.

I'm thirty years old, my father was pushed out of the picture when I was around four. I can still remember to this day the color of my mother's coat she wore into the emergency room when my father beat her in a parking lot causing her too need stitches. While I don't think there is any excuse for his behavior, it did not justify the fact that my family ran him off. It did not justify the fact that I had to wait until I was an adult to met my father.

Why should children have to wait until they're adults to met the person who makes up half of who and what they are?

It is not right and that burden shouldn't be placed on any child for any reason. But if parents cannot set their differences aside for the best interest of their own child/ren, then maybe they should leave the decision to the child to be made when he or she is an adult because regardless of how you look at it parents together make up the child as a whole and when one is gone a piece of that child is gone.

So ask yourselves this... as an adult, how would you like to wondering why your hair is curly or why your eyes are blue? How would you like to know you have a child you do not know? It isn't any different for those of us who had to grow up not knowing a parent. But worst is the fact that we as children are given no choice. We are simply left to live the lives that others dictate to us until we are old enough to change them for ourselves and to me that is the saddest thing anyone can do to a child.

~Dee~

[Karried]

We are simply left to live the lives that others dictate to us until we are old enough to change them for ourselves and to me that is the saddest thing anyone can do to a child.

Although I feel for your plight, that is by far not the 'saddest' thing to happen to a child.

Some of the 'saddest' things that have happened to children were by the hands of their own stupid parents.

Many children are abused and killed by biological parents who shouldn't have been in the picture to begin with.

Sometimes it's better to keep the parent away from the child until they get their stuff together.

I can still remember to this day the color of my mother's coat she wore into the emergency room when my father beat her in a parking lot causing her too need stitches. While I don't think there is any excuse for his behavior, it did not justify the fact that my family ran him off. It did not justify the fact that I had to wait until I was an adult to met my father.

Judging by that post, I'd say you should be thanking your lucky stars that your mom protected you the way she did, probably at a great sacrifice.

[Midtowner]

So ask yourselves this... as an adult, how would you like to wondering why your hair is curly or why your eyes are blue? How would you like to know you have a child you do not know?

Dee, if my father was beating up my mother, the origin of my DNA would be among the least of my worries.

Do you think that as a 4-year-old, you were qualified to make decisions regarding who your custodial parent should be?

[kmf563]

I believe a child has the right to as much of a stable nurturing environment as possible. Sometimes that does not include one or both parents. Sometimes the child's best interest can be found with grandparents or foster parents. Especially in cases of mental, physical, emotional, sexual, and/or drug and alcohol abuse.

I do believe however that when two people divorce that does not mean the child should have to choose one or the other parent. The child should also not be included in the battle. Of course they are going to know what's going on and when they ask questions you should answer them as openly and honestly as possible with tact.

As a child, my mother and father divorced when I was only 2 years old. My mother allowed me to spend summers with his parents and family. I loved knowing them and spending time with them. Even though I never saw my father, I still felt like I knew where I came from knowing his family. It was his choice to not spend time with me, not my mother's. But I couldn't force him to be with me.

When I went through my divorce, I knew how much knowing both families would mean to my child. Sure I would have much rather just walked away from his father and never had to speak to him again, but I didn't. I pulled my big girl panties up and worked out a schedule that we could agree on. We divorced 8 years ago and to this day he has his son every Saturday night. Sometimes both weekend nights, sometimes he skips for work or out of town trips, but not often. My son spends a lot of time with his family and friends. I never say anything negative about his father in front of him. We all have dinner together to celebrate his birthday and everyone stays pleasant. It can work.

I also want to say though that I disagree with the tactics used in the video and the ads in the mail. How embarrassing for that child! How many questions do you think he has to answer at school? It's stressful enough when a child goes through a divorce without making it a public fight. What is it to accomplish? It won't change a judge's mind. It won't make the kid feel better about the situation, all it will do is make the child feel responsible for the situation and probably make the mom mad as hell. She evidently isn't the kind to work with you in the first place, this isn't going to help her. Fight it out in court with a good attorney, they are out there and that's what they are for.

[jacodenn]

Midtowner,

When I was about 4 or 5 years old, I stood before my Mother and Step-Father beside the breakfast nook in the kitchen. My Step-Father had just beat the holy crap out of Mother. Her face was covered with blood. Do you know what they asked me? Who did I want to live with?

Know what happened? I ended up in Foster Homes. As much as I hated Foster Homes (except for one), Children's Homes, etc., it probably saved my life.

What I have found interesting about some of the responses is that some folks have added some "situations." The question does not assume fit or unfit parents...only if a child has the right to be raised by both parents.

Being the law student that you are, I bet you could cite all the Statutes regarding this...yes?

Dennis
Oklahoma City

[Midtowner]

Midtowner,

Being the law student that you are, I bet you could cite all the Statutes regarding this...yes?

Dennis,

I try not to express anything on this thread that anyone could take to the bank as me advocating for someone to do something (other than that they should hire a lawyer). That's why most of my posts here are questions (because I really want to know where people stand on certain things).

The thing is that for law students to give anything resembling legal advice over the internet is bad joojoo (that's the legal term, I think).

Now, do I have an opinion here? Absolutely. Do I know this stuff fairly well? Sure do. Can I tell you anything about it on okctalk? I'd be smarter to take a claw hammer to my head

I might be inclined to discuss facts and credibility, but I try to draw the line at discussing the law.

[StepMomster]

Dee, if my father was beating up my mother, the origin of my DNA would be among the least of my worries.

Do you think that as a 4-year-old, you were qualified to make decisions regarding who your custodial parent should be?

I didn't say at four I was qualified, but neither was my mother who was angry, hostile, and vindictive. The qualities which DO hurt children more than physical abuse.

Although I feel for your plight, that is by far not the 'saddest' thing to happen to a child.

Some of the 'saddest' things that have happened to children were by the hands of their own stupid parents.

Many children are abused and killed by biological parents who shouldn't have been in the picture to begin with.

Sometimes it's better to keep the parent away from the child until they get their stuff together.

Judging by that post, I'd say you should be thanking your lucky stars that your mom protected you the way she did, probably at a great sacrifice.

How do you feel my plight? Your parents divorced and used you as the rope of their personal tug-of-war too?

But like many, my mother has managed to make it look like SHE was the one that made a sacrifice where she didn't. It's easy to say my father was abusive, even though the only person he ever hit was my mother and it's not like she didn't hit him, but I guess that doesn't count. Just like years of being moved around doesn't matter because my mother was running from my father, who mind you lived four states away! What about the fact that my mother would take me to new schools under the pretense that my father was trying to kidnap me when in fact it never happened?

The fact remains that too many parents allow their own feelings get in the way. Too many are going off feelings of rejection and far too many are simply looking to "get even".

So while I do agree that there are stupid parents, intelligence doesn't have any baring on who is a parent and who is not because quite frankly some of the dumbest people I know are good parents.

So my mother's perception of things doesn't make her a good parent any more than sticking feathers up my butt makes me a chicken.

But that is MY opinion as I see it from what I've gone through my entire life and until you've walked a mile in my shoes, you have no right to pass judgment on my parents or myself, period.

~Dee~

[jacodenn]

I also want to say though that I disagree with the tactics used in the video and the ads in the mail. How embarrassing for that child! How many questions do you think he has to answer at school? It's stressful enough when a child goes through a divorce without making it a public fight. What is it to accomplish? It won't change a judge's mind. It won't make the kid feel better about the situation, all it will do is make the child feel responsible for the situation and probably make the mom mad as hell. She evidently isn't the kind to work with you in the first place, this isn't going to help her. Fight it out in court with a good attorney, they are out there and that's what they are for.

I had an Attorney...a very lousy, unethical Attorney as it turned out. Took my money and ran...literally. Can't even find him in the phone book anymore. I was left to my own devices and limited funds. I was very grateful that KFOR decided to run the story. As a matter of fact, the postive responses far outweighed the negative. The story needed to be told and continues to be told today. It was for my Son that I came up with the Flyer, because he had indeed come up missing from my life and I his (by a malicious and alienating mother).

You may see myself and others out on the street corner with our signs and banners trying to educate the public.

As far as I am concerned, there are some Judges (as well as OKDHS employees/caseworkers) that haven't got a clue what they have done when handing down their decisions. Thankfully, there are some that really do have the Child's Best Interest at heart...and decide accordingly.

BTW...I do have a new Attorney now.

Dennis
Oklahoma City

[jacodenn]

Midtowner,

I do understand...I really do. If there was any way I could go back to College, I would. And I would most certainly enter the field of Family Law. But, that's not even in the realm of possibilities.

I sincerely wish you the best in your final semesters and the best of results on your Bar Exam.

Dennis
Oklahoma City

[Karried]

How do you feel my plight? Your parents divorced and used you as the rope of their personal tug-of-war too?

uh yeah, they did. My dad cut off my mom's thumb while trying to stab her in the chest. She put up her hand to prevent it. This happened at my birthday party when I was 8 years old,

Happy Birthday to me.

But, I don't feel sorry for myself one bit .. I'm grateful to my mom for leaving a horrible abusive relationship and not being a pansy, she did the right thing instead of sticking it out and letting herself and her kids get the crap beat out of them. She was petrified but she did what a lot of parents don't do.. they don't protect an innocent child.

I'm not passing judgement on you .. I'm responding to what you are writing on a public message board about an abusive father beating the crap out of your mother and then complaining because you didn't get to live with this man.

[jacodenn]

( I had already edited my post when you wrote this .. reason, hastily typed and rethought my choice of words - I agree with you - Karried)

Aside from what has been said on this forum as well as others, that's not a bad suggestion.

I would venture a guess and say that most of us that have persevered through tragic circumstances and situations have resorted to "journaling" of some form before the Internet came of age.

How many outlets are there now for people to share there experiences...couldn't even count them all would be my bet.

To me, the most important thing to do in times of crisis is share your feelings, your thoughts. That is so much better than holding onto it waiting for the valcano to explode.

Dennis
Oklahoma City