To us girls things are not always about being sorry...sometimes it is about understanding my perspective of something. To be more specific, after lots of drinking and having a great time with two other couples, I felt the butt of several jokes by one of the girls. My boyfriend thought this was halarious and it hurt my feelings. The "guys" didn't laugh. Boyfriend says that I am tring to change him by wishing he wouldn't have laughed sooo hard. Am I trying to change him because he thought it was a load of laughs or am I asking him to be sensitive to my feelings???

am I asking him to be sensitive to my feelings???

I think its this one here, he should be thinking of your feelings even if there has been drinks. He could have laughed but then stopped and said it wasn't really funny. There has been times I have laughed but also said it was kinda funny but shoud have been said. You try and confront the girl cracking the jokes and tell her it wasn't nice and it hurt your feelings and would like it not to happen again, if she still thinks its funny then she may not be a good friend to have. A true real friend will understand offer her apology and all will be better.

Dont ever laugh if your partner is the butt of a joke...it is kinda disrespectful if ya ask me.

It all depends on the subject matter of the jokes.

If they were intended to be lighthearted jokes, you might want to learn to thicken your skin. Chances are she felt threatened by your presence and made the jokes as way to feel less threatened or as way to bring more attention on her.

It sounds like you need to brush up on your self-confidence a little bit. If you were 100% confident in yourself, the jokes would not have bothered you. Do not be upset with your boyfriend because you chose to get upset instead of having a witty comeback or telling a joke about her. Sometimes all it takes it is embarrassing the joker to get them to shut up.

If the jokes were intended to be insults then you need to confront the person that told the jokes. If the jokes were intended as insults, your boyfriend would have defended you. He only owes you an apology if the jokes were meant to be degrading and he did not standup for you.

To us girls things are not always about being sorry...sometimes it is about understanding my perspective of something. To be more specific, after lots of drinking and having a great time with two other couples, I felt the butt of several jokes by one of the girls. My boyfriend thought this was halarious and it hurt my feelings. The "guys" didn't laugh. Boyfriend says that I am tring to change him by wishing he wouldn't have laughed sooo hard. Am I trying to change him because he thought it was a load of laughs or am I asking him to be sensitive to my feelings???

Whoa! I recently experienced a similar situation, but from the other side.....and after a 90 minute serious talk in which every facet of my personality was deemed below-par; I didn't call often enough, I'm insensitive, I'm incapable of communication, etc........I got dumped. I never heard the words, "You are dumped." but it was extremely clear that I'm not the optimal person for her.

Back to the thread:

Anyway, I guess it depends on a lot of things...which direction you plan to go. No two people are exactly the same; it takes work to make things work. It takes understanding to make people understand.....It all depends on how long and how much you care about each other as to whether you make it through.

I see his perceptable response and your feelings in your post. Do you mind if I ask what he may have seen or heard from you at the time.....not what HE thinks or feels?

I can't say to hang in there or dump him, that's up to you. But for me, I lost someone special over a misunderstanding.

It all depends on the subject matter of the jokes.

If they were intended to be lighthearted jokes, you might want to learn to thicken your skin. Chances are she felt threatened by your presence and made the jokes as way to feel less threatened or as way to bring more attention on her.

Maybe she was envious? Maybe HE didn't understand the seriousness of the comment?



It sounds like you need to brush up on your self-confidence a little bit. If you were 100% confident in yourself, the jokes would not have bothered you. Do not be upset with your boyfriend because you chose to get upset instead of having a witty comeback or telling a joke about her. Sometimes all it takes it is embarrassing the joker to get them to shut up.

............Not trashing your relationship with the boyfriend.



If the jokes were intended to be insults then you need to confront the person that told the jokes. If the jokes were intended as insults, your boyfriend would have defended you. He only owes you an apology if the jokes were meant to be degrading and he did not standup for you.

Would he recognize the comments as an insult or as a joke?

LuckyDuck, if you go out drinking..sometimes people don't think as clearly as they should.

If your date was laughing, who knows? Maybe he was just feeling lighthearted or 'drunk' and was having fun.

I can't imagine getting upset if my husband was laughing.. more than likely, I would be laughing too and I would joke back with the girl .. I'd just break out my repetoire of 'yo mamma jokes' .. lol.
But, seriouslyl, I can hold my own.. I don't need my bf or husband to fight my battles for me .. next time, if she goes overboard, slap her and then say 'Who's laughing now ?' ha,ha,. just kidding ...don't do that, but really, a night out drinking isn't the place to go all serious and critical over your date's insensitivity.. he was probably just having fun. I say accept his apology, tell him you are sorry for making a big deal out of it and move forward. Humor is so important to get through situations like this. Now, if was hitting on her or ignoring you, well, maybe there are deeper relationship issues. But, we all make mistakes.. is it worth ruining the relationship over? And if it is, then this isn't a relationship you probably need to be in.

Leon, if you got dumped over something as small as this situtation... good riddance.

My God, after 21 years of being with the same person - married 18.. I can honestly tell you , there will be hurt feelings, there will be horrible times that you go through, sickness and money issues, family problems, health, death, .. you name it you will experience it.

IF you can't work through a small issue such as something like above, this person isn't for you.. no way.

They say you can tell a lot about a person when you're dating - how they handle things.. like when the luggage is lost on a flight. If they go all postal, dump their a&%.

If the person you are dating freacks out over something as small as what the situation above describes.. cut that one loose and fast!