View Full Version : Would you continue....



Leon
01-04-2006, 05:53 PM
Would you continue dating a person if after you offered to be exclusive, they refused to?

Could they say "No" without hurting you?

Curt
01-04-2006, 08:04 PM
No and No

Oki_Man5
01-04-2006, 08:24 PM
Although I am not into the dating scene being married and all and faithful as well, I wonder why not.

Just because one partner in a relationship is ready to be exclusive (assuming that means to see none other than you), does not mean the other has to be ready; maybe in time, the other will feel the same, so why ditch him or her now? Give it a chance to blossom.

Leon
01-05-2006, 09:04 PM
I'm sure we'd all seriously consider 'things' before offering exclusivity. I'm with Mariner.....no and no.

Midtowner
01-05-2006, 09:10 PM
It's tough to give a simple one word answer to such a complex question.

It completely depends on all of the surrounding circumstances.

Curt
01-05-2006, 11:08 PM
It's tough to give a simple one word answer to such a complex question.

It completely depends on all of the surrounding circumstances.
And it does all depend on surrounding circumstances, the reason I can say NO so easily is because of having been thru the games so many times you realize it's not worth getting upset about anymore.

Jay
01-06-2006, 03:05 PM
I do not think the question should ever be asked. I think exclusivity should just happen on its own.

I think when you do ask (especially if you have only been together for less than six months) your showing that you are insecure about the relationship.

If someone is serious about seeing you and you only, he or she will show it in his or her actions. They will naturally want to be around you most of the time. They will mention how much they missed you when you are apart. They do all kinds of favors for you without you asking them to. They simply show they do not want to be with anyone else but you.

In a good love relationship, everything should just happen naturally with out even thinking about taking action on anything.

Curt
01-06-2006, 03:08 PM
I do not think the question should ever be asked. I think exclusivity should just happen on its own.

I think when you do ask (especially if you have only been together for less than six months) your showing that you are insecure about the relationship.

If someone is serious about seeing you and you only, he or she will show it in his or her actions. They will naturally want to be around you most of the time. They will mention how much they missed you when you are apart. They do all kinds of favors for you without you asking them to. They simply show they do not want to be with anyone else but you.

In a good love relationship, everything should just happen naturally with out even thinking about taking action on anything.
I would have to agree with you, if you have to work at a relationship, or should I say forming a relationship to hard it may not be worth it and may be better to cut your losses and move on.

sweetdaisy
01-06-2006, 04:53 PM
I must respectfully disagree with you, Jay. I do think most people show their committment in their actions, but there are many out there who are able to execute several relationships at the same time and in the same manner. (Probably best labeled as "players", but an exceeding step beyond.)

Once your relationship gets to a certain point (for example, a sexual relationship), I believe it must be asked "have we stopped seeing other people?" And asking that question isn't showing insecurity in the relationship, it's showing respect for one's self. I'd rather not sleep with someone who is involved with others at any level.

Pushing an exclusive relationship within the first couple of months is silly, I agree. However, after a certain point, a person should know if they are interested in deepening their relationship with the one they're dating. I've found that about 2 months is what I need to decide whether I'm interested in pursuing things further.

Jay
01-06-2006, 06:20 PM
Point taken:

The problem with most single men and women these days is they are like a kid in a candy store. They want a taste of everything that is available. Simply because there in search of the perfect person.

In search for the perfect person we often pass up those who are perfect for us just because we eliminate them for one or two flaws.

A mature adult will tell someone there dating in the beginning that other people are in the picture.

The way I date, I see one person at a time and I wait to see if things are going to progress. If it appears that the situation has no future. I step up and tell the person that I think we should just be friends.

You really only need a couple of dates to see if there is a future for the two of you. From the third date on is the time to see rather or not if you can get past the crush phase. The crush phase can last from a few weeks to several months.

For me I will not get into another relationship until I know I fully know the person inside and out. I need to know that I can tolerate everything about them. To know all that it will take at least six months.

Leon
01-06-2006, 09:45 PM
Once your relationship gets to a certain point (for example, a sexual relationship), I believe it must be asked "have we stopped seeing other people?" And asking that question isn't showing insecurity in the relationship, it's showing respect for one's self. I'd rather not sleep with someone who is involved with others at any level.

Pushing an exclusive relationship within the first couple of months is silly, I agree. However, after a certain point, a person should know if they are interested in deepening their relationship with the one they're dating. I've found that about 2 months is what I need to decide whether I'm interested in pursuing things further.

Good reply.

Leon
01-06-2006, 10:13 PM
For me I will not get into another relationship until I know I fully know the person inside and out. I need to know that I can tolerate everything about them. To know all that it will take at least six months.

I don't think you can ever fully know someone. Settle for knowing someone well enough that there's very little chance of a big, bad surprise. And know that as people go through life their opinions and values change.

With the recent, huge change in my life (divorce), my own have changed unimagineably in only 14 months. My friends have pointed that out to me.

I don't think you should necessarily wait six months to be exclusive. But it better not be too soon either. This would be a good thing particularly to think more rationally about and less emotionaly. But the emotions should trigger that rational thought.

Jay
01-06-2006, 11:56 PM
You and your “coach” Sweetdaisy can think of what you want to about my theory.

I do not think 2 months is long enough to really get to know someone. A person still has their luster intact and they continue to hide those questionable parts of their personality.


In six months or more, a person will get comfortable and let their guard down. When the guard comes down you see a person for who they really are. You see all the little annoying habits; you know what angers them and what makes them happy. When the guard is down you see the controlling side, the abusive side, how codependent they are and if there someone who insist things always go there way.



All of these are things that most people look at in hindsight and say, “If I had only known that when I made the commitment I would have walked away."

Leon
01-07-2006, 01:00 AM
You and your “coach” Sweetdaisy can think of what you want to about my theory.

I do not think 2 months is long enough to really get to know someone. A person still has their luster intact and they continue to hide those questionable parts of their personality.


In six months or more, a person will get comfortable and let their guard down. When the guard comes down you see a person for who they really are. You see all the little annoying habits; you know what angers them and what makes them happy. When the guard is down you see the controlling side, the abusive side, how codependent they are and if there someone who insist things always go there way.



All of these are things that most people look at in hindsight and say, “If I had only known that when I made the commitment I would have walked away."

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Sweetdaisy is not my "coach". If my opinion is similar to her's, so be it. I wont take another position simply because somebody already has this one. (Hi, Sweetdaisy. ;) )

Neither of us implied that exclusivity after only two months equates to a lifetime commitment, it doesn't. It's simply safer and more respectful of one another. "Engagement" is a lifetime commitment.

Anyway, you mention control, abusiveness, and codependancy....you've experienced my past?.....U R a thousand times wiser after leaving that sh*t, huh?

Curt
01-07-2006, 06:51 AM
I dont think you can put a time limit on how long you should wait to become exclusive, some may know in two months and some may know in six months or even a year if they are ready to settle down with one person, it can also all depend on the past experiences and past relationships. For instance, Leon has had some rough times and it may take him longer than Jay to fully trust and understand again. Myself, I have also been burnt many times, so it will take me longer to open up to anyone. As far as letting your guard down and seeing ones flaws and what you dislike about them, I would say within a couple months you'd probably know if you are compatible.But in that couple months you are going to have to spend considerable time with someone.I have been talking to this girl that asked me if she could smoke in my truck or my house, the answer is no and her reply was then we are going to have problems, so it took me about a month of talking to see it just would not work out. We have not met yet, I got her phone number through someone else, but already from just talking on the phone I can see things just would not work, so why pursue it. Everyone is different and I just dont think you can mark your calendar and say, on this day we will become exclusive.

Oki_Man5
01-07-2006, 07:06 AM
Goodness! I think I am very glad I found my mate many many years ago, and we have stuck it out through our agreements and disagreements throughout all those years. Reading this BS and assuming it is the mentality of the "dating" populace makes me all the more appreciative of what I have.

Pete

Jay
01-07-2006, 07:13 AM
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Sweetdaisy is not my "coach". If my opinion is similar to her's, so be it. I wont take another position simply because somebody already has this one. (Hi, Sweetdaisy. ;) )

That statement proves my point........ I hate it when I am always right.

Jay
01-07-2006, 07:17 AM
Goodness! I think I am very glad I found my mate many many years ago, and we have stuck it out through our agreements and disagreements throughout all those years. Reading this BS and assuming it is the mentality of the "dating" populace makes me all the more appreciative of what I have.

Pete


No, its not the mentality of the dating populace. It is just what the singles lounge has become. Nothing more than a bunch of posts that could be catagorized into chronic complaining, what if scenarios and group therapy.

Hopefully, one of these days we can get back to talking about interesting topics.

Curt
01-07-2006, 07:18 AM
Goodness! I think I am very glad I found my mate many many years ago, and we have stuck it out through our agreements and disagreements throughout all those years. Reading this BS and assuming it is the mentality of the "dating" populace makes me all the more appreciative of what I have.

Pete
You are very lucky indeed you found your mate before the time of all the dating games started. Time are different now.

Curt
01-07-2006, 07:26 AM
No, its not the mentality of the dating populace. It is just what the singles lounge has become. Nothing more than a bunch of posts that could be catagorized into chronic complaining, what if scenarios and group therapy.

Hopefully, one of these days we can get back to talking about interesting topics.
Jay...it's not just the singles lounge here, it is the dating world out there and what it has become. You are not always right and neither is anyone else, what may be right for you may not be right for John Doe. And although I must say you do have some good points alot of times that I do agree with I dont agree with this one. The dating world is what it is a game that you have to play if you want to be a part of it. Have I complained about my past? yes, but dont take that as crying because I find it very easy to move on now when things dont work out and say, Oh well, no big deal. Afterall, being single really aint all that bad, but if someone comes along that rocks my world that would be great and she will be treated very good.

Curt
01-07-2006, 07:30 AM
That statement proves my point........ I hate it when I am always right.
Proves what point? and no, you are not always right...neither am I. If you have read alot of my past posts you can see that, and I will admit that. It's called opinion, sometimes mine is not right for others and vice versa.

Jay
01-07-2006, 07:41 AM
The post about always being right was just a joke.

Curt
01-07-2006, 07:47 AM
The post about always being right was just a joke.
See....I told you I was wrong alot..sorry.

Leon
01-07-2006, 10:07 AM
Hopefully, one of these days we can get back to talking about interesting topics.

Why don't you try posting one someday?

Jay
01-07-2006, 01:05 PM
Why don't you try posting one someday?


I have and I am encouraging everyone else to do the same. Including you.

Now lets do everyone a favor and drop this stupid juvenile conversation.

Its time to move on to something else.


:closed:

Curt
01-07-2006, 05:07 PM
I have and I am encouraging everyone else to do the same. Including you.

Now lets do everyone a favor and drop this stupid juvenile conversation.

Its time to move on to something else.


:closed:
That was uncalled for....

sweetdaisy
01-07-2006, 07:10 PM
GUYS! Stop it already! This is getting a bit ridiculous.

Jay, I don't think people are able to make a lifelong commitment after 2 months. I use that as my own yardstick...when I'm REALLY interested in someone and am seeing them regularly, I sometimes overlook some of their "flaws". After about 2 months, I can usually decide if those "flaws" are "dealbreakers" to me or if I'm just being overly picky. :D However, I do agree that after a few dates with someone new, you can certainly decide if you even want to get to know them better. sometimes, it takes as little as one date. (hee hee!)

I think you're right about people acting like kids in candy stores...it's sickening. Last nite, I went out to OKC's favorite "meat market". It was a little nauseating watching the behaviors of singles just trying to get their next "lay" lined up.

Oki_Man5
01-07-2006, 08:07 PM
Well, Daisy, did you succeed in getting it lined up? har har har

Curt
01-07-2006, 08:10 PM
Well, Daisy, did you succeed in getting it lined up? har har har
Uh Oh...I am running for cover :ohno:

sweetdaisy
01-07-2006, 08:12 PM
Okiman, I'm so glad you joined OKCTalk. I really enjoy your wit! :D

And sadly, no I didn't line anything up. Such a disappointment that I wasn't "fortunate" enough to drag home a sloppy drunk of my own. LOL!

Oki_Man5
01-07-2006, 08:32 PM
Okiman, I'm so glad you joined OKCTalk. I really enjoy your wit! :D

And sadly, no I didn't line anything up. Such a disappointment that I wasn't "fortunate" enough to drag home a sloppy drunk of my own. LOL!

Thanks, Daisy. I like what you post too.

Maybe you should have not been looking so needy? LOL Now, I will get it from both barrels!

sweetdaisy
01-07-2006, 08:44 PM
OMG! Now THAT was funny! Yeah, I do have that needy look plastered on my face at all times. ;) LOL!

Geez...I don't think I could look needy if I was paid to.

Oki_Man5
01-07-2006, 08:58 PM
Doggone it! Not being a paying member, I am not privvy to the pics, so I was just going by what the guys at the other urinals were saying. You wouldn't believe how loose tongues get while standing there with all those short thangs hanging limply over the water.

And they raised the price too just as I was thinking of becoming a paying member. Maybe I will turn down my heat and save enough on gas from ONG to still pay the dues.

:bedtime:

sweetdaisy
01-07-2006, 09:18 PM
ROFL! I actually have tears rolling down my face from that last comment. Hmmm...someone must've been reading some of my posts on other threads. :D Try average billing with ONG...then you can afford the dues here. I'll try to get an up-to-date pic out there so we can see what kind of desperation I've been displaying lately. LOL!!!

Leon
01-07-2006, 09:24 PM
Hey, where's the "meat market"?

Groovey's or Rane?

Oki_Man5
01-08-2006, 06:33 AM
We get our meat at Crest's in Midwest City. Is that what you mean?

Curt
01-08-2006, 07:25 AM
Hey, where's the "meat market"?

Groovey's or Rane?
Is Rane opened back up now?

Leon
01-08-2006, 10:21 AM
Is Rane opened back up now?

I'll know for sure next Friday....Meeting someone there or at the Skyy if it's closed.

Oki_Man5
01-09-2006, 05:01 AM
So did Ms. Daisy get that pic out there so all could see the desperation? (Someone, please e-mail it to me if she did since I cannot afford the dues, please?), I hear through the grapevine that she is quite something. LOL That is the safest thing I know to say here.

Leon
01-09-2006, 12:00 PM
Oki Man, Don't click on "Image Vault", click on "Photo Gallery" closer to the top of the web page.

Oki_Man5
01-09-2006, 04:51 PM
Thanks, Leon,

I looked, and I might say there is more desperation than I ever imagined. It is in the eyes; I had to save the pic and blow it up to read in the pupils" "Pick ME!" "Pick Me!" "Please, Oh Please Pick Me!" LOL

Visine might get rid of that. Ms. Daisy.

Pete

Leon
01-09-2006, 06:46 PM
Visine might get rid of that. Ms. Daisy.

Pete

They look green to me.