View Full Version : Turning 30



adaniel
01-13-2016, 12:24 PM
So I generally don’t like to get personal, but I figured there’s a lot of people on here older (and wiser) than me, so why not?

In April, I will be turning 30. And as the date gets closer and closer, I get an increasing sense of anxiety. Generally speaking, I’d like to think I am a pretty happy, confident person. I have my health, decent family relations, and a good circle of close friends. And while I am not rich (faaaar from it), I have a pretty good job and live pretty comfortably, assuming this oil crash won’t get any worse. But as I examine my life, I kinda realized I have really nothing tangible to show for it.

I can’t really point to any milestone in my adult life that society says I should have at this point—no house, no marriage, no kids, a little saved up but all those online calculators say I should have more. Part of me is quite content with my life…But another part of me feels like I am flying by the seat of my pants and am just being lazy, or worse.

Then there is the physical aspect of it. Neck is starting to sag a little; knees are starting to hurt when I sit for a long time. I even found my first gray hair this fall. I was someone who use to shut down the bars and pop out of bed just fine 2 or 3 years ago and now more than 2 glasses of wine at dinner will get me hung over the next day. Of course, all of these are natural and to be expected, but they are just daily reminders for someone who has always been the young one or the kid.

When I turned 29 last year, despite having a big party, I had a bit of an internalized freakout, just thinking of all the things I should have “done” at this point in life but haven’t and thinking that I have one more year. I was fine until recently when I had a little meeting with my HR rep. She was just going over whether I need life insurance or not and made the comment, well if you die, people will be sad but I really don’t think anything will ‘miss you’ per say. I am pretty good friends with this person, so she probably felt more at liberty to be laid back with me but it was still like, wow, that stings. And largely because it’s true.

I am probably overthinking it, and it’s not like I can stop it lol. But I am just interested to hear anyone who has turned 30. Did you make drastic changes to yourself afterwards? Were you a nervous wreck, questioning everything you’ve done with yourself up to that point? Or did the calendar flip and it was just another day?

bchris02
01-13-2016, 12:34 PM
I turned 30 last summer.

29 is worse in my opinion. When 30 gets here, it isn't near as bad as you expect it to be. Found my first gray hair today actually.

No real physical problems yet, but I have found I can't do the nightclub thing that I used to enjoy so much in my early twenties, but can still go out and have a good time. I definitely notice a maturity difference when I hang out with friends in their early twenties. I also can't do more than four beers without a hangover and can't stand doing shots at parties.

The worst part about it is not having reached any of the real life milestones, much as you said. No marriage, no kids, don't own a home, fundamentalist preacher father still trying to control my every move, etc. I wish I was more independent and had a more established life and felt more sure of myself. I feel I should be ahead of where I am at this age.

I'm not quite where I want to be in life at this time, but I can't stop the passage of time. I have to work on positioning myself to get to where I want to be. Look at 30 as the beginning of a new phase of your life. I think society places too much emphasis on your twenties as if they should be the best years of your life. For a lot of people, their thirties are better.

Roger S
01-13-2016, 12:38 PM
Ehhh... You have a few years to go before you get to have your mid-life crisis.... I just had mine recently.... Best damn 9 day road trip of my life!

Pete
01-13-2016, 12:39 PM
Just a quick comment: my 30's were way better than my 20's.

I bet your best years are still ahead of you.

dankrutka
01-13-2016, 12:48 PM
Can you turn some of these questions back on yourself like, what influence or accomplishments would you like to have in your life? If you know what you'd like to do then, how can you get there? However, from talking to people closer to the end of their lives I've often found that they actually aren't concerned with their accomplishments, but their day-to-day relationships. That's what a lot of people wish they'd done better.

Or maybe you're just wrestling with intimacy/isolation or generativity/self-absorption questions that Erikson proposed (http://www.learning-theories.com/eriksons-stages-of-development.html).

What do I know though. I'm only a few years ahead of you.

bchris02
01-13-2016, 01:13 PM
P.S. If you can't drink more than two glasses of wine, I might consider seeking medical attention. At 29 and 30, you can't drink like you are in college but you shouldn't be there yet. That could be a sign that something else is going on other than age.

Mel
01-13-2016, 01:30 PM
30 is a landmark Birthday. It's not unusual to feel the way you do. Media, not just the social kind, has hammered into our heads that you have to have a certain amount of items to have a complete life. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Like dantruka said, ask these questions to yourself. How you look at and feel about things change as you get older too. Stay open minded and true to yourself. It will all fall into place.

shawnw
01-13-2016, 02:28 PM
Yeah... y'all need to chill. 30s were the best decade by far thus far. 36 was a bit rough as that means there are a bunch of 18 year olds running around that weren't born yet when you graduated high school. I'm in my 40s now and it's rough because my kids are now adults. But, it's also a new phase of life I'm particularly excited about because there is so much potential. It's like a wiser version of my 20s. On my own in the world... for the second time...

FighttheGoodFight
01-13-2016, 02:34 PM
Do what makes you happy man. Age is just a number.

Something I would recommended even though it sounds cheesy. Tell your close friends how much they mean to you. Life is better with good friends.

IanMcDermid
01-13-2016, 03:35 PM
Oh I've been there man.

At 29 I saved up my tips for a year. Invited all my closest to a 30th party in San Diego. Rented an 80 foot yacht. And proposed to my wife in front of all of them. Unforgettable.

Then the anxiety set it. I was 30 and hadn't done anything besides somehow tricking an amazing woman into loving me.

So 2 months later I quit working for the man and started a 2 year journey to open my own bar. Which almost didn't happen after I basically got laughed out of a few loan banker's offices when I showed them my idea. Somehow we found time to get married in between.

Here's my pivot: age 29 I was a boozing, 6am bedtime, smoker, bartender with a girlfriend. Age 33 I'm a married, non-smoker, 12am bedtime, business owner, set to open a second store...I still booze a little ;) Those bankers that laughed at me now want to set me up with an attractive fixed rate loan. Now all that has its own baggage. It's not like living a vacation. I have 50 employees for instance. 50...

I'm just pointing out how much a life can change in a short period of time. Roll back a decade and I was 19, I was a lonely college dropout making $250 week doing concrete. I decided to go back to school while pouring the Harkin's brick town theater during a bitter winter. 5 years later I was running a bar business that I got to design and build and dating the woman who would 5 years later become my wife and build our own bar together.

I don't own a house, and I drive a 14 year old sedan. But I'm happy. I'm definitely enjoying my thirties more than my twenties. I miss the freedom. I definitely don't like the fact that it takes a whole day of my month to pay bills and debts. But in a way it feels more free to feel secure in a brighter future than my past.

I think it's just different for our generation. People used to get married earlier, have kids earlier, it used to be easier to get home loans. I think it largely has to do with the job market. I read recently that millennials will have as many as 50 jobs in their lives. So I bring it up at a dinner convo. The baby boomers all took stock and no one had had more than 2 or 3 jobs in their life. Furthermore their parents generations only had ONE job, they turned 16 and went to work in the factory, or the bank, or the docks. Working towards their pentions, and deaths. Hardly anyone went to college. They got married, had kids, and by age 19 had enough work history to mortgage a little house that they lived in until they died.

Now THATS sure gets me feeling better about how I spent my 20's lol. Hope some of that helps.

bchris02
01-13-2016, 04:00 PM
^^^ Awesome story!

Amazing that the bar that bankers laughed at is now one of the most popular bars in OKC and you are getting ready to open a second concept.

Life can change in a short period of time and when you least expect it.

OKCisOK4me
01-13-2016, 04:06 PM
Don't worry about it buddy. I'll be 38 in March and the only thing I'm worried about is having to have reading glasses after I'm 40...lol.

TheTravellers
01-13-2016, 04:27 PM
Don't worry about it buddy. I'll be 38 in March and the only thing I'm worried about is having to have reading glasses after I'm 40...lol.

Multi-focal contacts - one of the best inventions ever!

I'm 50, BTW, and to me 30 was just a number (all birthdays are just a number to me), so I can't give much advice. But I will say this - if you can look back on your life, and think "Eh, wouldn't change much (we *all* would change *something*, given the chance), enjoyed what I did, not many regrets", then you'll be good. We don't own a house (were in the process of starting to buy until my wife got laid off), don't have much retirement (need to start working on that way harder), no kids (by choice), drive older cars (8 and 12 years old), and have quite a bit of "stuff", but also have great experiences (Paris, San Francisco, NOLA, David Bowie concert in 83, Boris concert a few years ago, lots of other great shows, plays, restaurant meals, etc.) and not many regrets (there are a few - not buying a house sooner, moving to Seattle, not saving for retirement). Just basically live your life the way you want to, within reason, and it'll all work out.

adaniel
01-14-2016, 09:21 AM
I meant to reply earlier to this, but I was waiting with baited breath last night if I would be a billionaire lol. For whatever reason I can like some posts and not others, but I really do appreciate it. I knew OKC Talk would come through!

Also, it is a huge relief to hear so many people say their 30's was better than their 20's.



I think it's just different for our generation. People used to get married earlier, have kids earlier, it used to be easier to get home loans. I think it largely has to do with the job market. I read recently that millennials will have as many as 50 jobs in their lives. So I bring it up at a dinner convo. The baby boomers all took stock and no one had had more than 2 or 3 jobs in their life. Furthermore their parents generations only had ONE job, they turned 16 and went to work in the factory, or the bank, or the docks. Working towards their pentions, and deaths. Hardly anyone went to college. They got married, had kids, and by age 19 had enough work history to mortgage a little house that they lived in until they died.

Now THATS sure gets me feeling better about how I spent my 20's lol. Hope some of that helps.

Ian, I love your story! And the quoted part is especially true. When my dad was 26 back in 1986, he was already married, had two kids, in college, and was a homeowner. He was also in the military though, and everything was pretty much taken care of for them. It's simply a lot harder to make it nowadays. My dad has never been one to hold it me up to his expectations, but I do wonder if he secretly thinks I'm a loser lol. Heck, I am the weird one among my friends for only having 2 jobs after college...most have bounced around several times. FWIW, if there is one thing about this feeling of anxiety, is it has allowed me to really examine possibly changing careers soon. FYI I will be in town this weekend and we will make an effort to hit up the Pump while I'm there!

On a more serious note, in typing this out yesterday I realized something. I no longer live in OKC and I'm not a huge fan of where I'm at now. And a big reason for that is I am surrounded by people, many my age, who are very successful but highly judgmental. I've gotten a lot of why don't you have this and at this age you should be doing that. Last month at a Christmas party someone said to me "You're 30 and still rent?" with the biggest look of disgust on her face. And while I am typically a person that could care less what people think of me (just look at some of my posts here) the combination of this on top of a creeping anxiety has probably allowed it to get in my head more than it should. So over the next year I am going to commit to dropping some crappy people out of my life.

Anyway, somewhat of a stream of conscious ramble/rant. Keep the responses coming....

adaniel
01-14-2016, 09:24 AM
Something I would recommended even though it sounds cheesy. Tell your close friends how much they mean to you. Life is better with good friends.

Not cheesy at all. I think I will try it this weekend.


P.S. If you can't drink more than two glasses of wine, I might consider seeking medical attention. At 29 and 30, you can't drink like you are in college but you shouldn't be there yet. That could be a sign that something else is going on other than age.

I should probably add when i drink two glasses, they are REALLY big glasses and I typically fill them all the way up. So I doubt it's anything more than age.



Or maybe you're just wrestling with intimacy/isolation or generativity/self-absorption questions that Erikson proposed (http://www.learning-theories.com/eriksons-stages-of-development.html).


This is good stuff. Thanks for the link.

Nick
01-14-2016, 09:59 AM
Multi-focal contacts - one of the best inventions ever!

I'm 50, BTW, and to me 30 was just a number (all birthdays are just a number to me), so I can't give much advice. But I will say this - if you can look back on your life, and think "Eh, wouldn't change much (we *all* would change *something*, given the chance), enjoyed what I did, not many regrets", then you'll be good. We don't own a house (were in the process of starting to buy until my wife got laid off), don't have much retirement (need to start working on that way harder), no kids (by choice), drive older cars (8 and 12 years old), and have quite a bit of "stuff", but also have great experiences (Paris, San Francisco, NOLA, David Bowie concert in 83, Boris concert a few years ago, lots of other great shows, plays, restaurant meals, etc.) and not many regrets (there are a few - not buying a house sooner, moving to Seattle, not saving for retirement). Just basically live your life the way you want to, within reason, and it'll all work out.

If I may ask - what happened that put moving to Seattle in the regret category?

Nick
01-14-2016, 10:04 AM
So over the next year I am going to commit to dropping some crappy people out of my life.

I've never really shared personal details about my life on OKCTalk and I'll spare you from having to be the first to read it, but I will say that cutting crappy people out of my life was one of the absolute best things I ever did. I used to kick it with some people that I finally realized were just toxic pieces of **** and weren't worthy of my time. I cut them out and life has done nothing but improve. Crappy people will drain the life right of you. Don't take all year to cut them out. Do it and be better for it.

LocoAko
01-14-2016, 10:06 AM
Just a quick comment: my 30's were way better than my 20's.

I bet your best years are still ahead of you.

Hopping on the encouraging bandwagon here... I'm only 25 so can't really speak to this thread (though I'm having my own version of these feelings, just scaled down to my mid-20s lol), but my boyfriend is 35 and went through the same feelings around 29 or 30. Now that he's in his mid-30s the birthdays don't bother him anymore... he has obviously not followed the "traditional" path but is seemingly much less bothered by the passage of time in his 30s vs. 20s when expectations were so prevalent. I don't doubt that I'll have the exact same thoughts as you, but from his perspective and Pete's, there's no reason why your 30s can't be even better than your 20s. /twocents.

bchris02
01-14-2016, 10:16 AM
On a more serious note, in typing this out yesterday I realized something. I no longer live in OKC and I'm not a huge fan of where I'm at now. And a big reason for that is I am surrounded by people, many my age, who are very successful but highly judgmental. I've gotten a lot of why don't you have this and at this age you should be doing that. Last month at a Christmas party someone said to me "You're 30 and still rent?" with the biggest look of disgust on her face. And while I am typically a person that could care less what people think of me (just look at some of my posts here) the combination of this on top of a creeping anxiety has probably allowed it to get in my head more than it should. So over the next year I am going to commit to dropping some crappy people out of my life.

This sounds like my experience with my social group in Edmond when I first moved back to Oklahoma. I pretty much had to cut those people out of my life because they were making me feel inferior and miserable. I still deal with this kind of crap from my family but you can't choose them...you can choose your friends. People should accept you for who you are and where you are in life as we are all individuals. I have personally found central OKC to be a lot more chill in this regard than Edmond. I am sure DFW, as large as it is, has different attitudes in different parts of the city. This idea in suburban America that one should have to be to a certain point by a certain age, i.e. married by 22, kids by 25, homeowner by 30 is bullcrap.

stick47
01-14-2016, 10:23 AM
Working on my 3rd 30 here and life is better each year for us. Work and don't expect to obtain anything you don't work hard for. In fact, Steve Harvey has a pretty good video;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFltqHCTTVo

turnpup
01-14-2016, 10:38 AM
I'll chime in here as well. I'm 46, and age has always been a number to me, so I'm lucky. I still feel like high school and college were not that far back. It probably helps that I didn't have my (only) child until I was 37. People my age (gulp, a lot of them) already have grandkids, and it seems to have aged them into this whole other world, both mentally and physically.

Anyway, the advice I give you is this: Don't be afraid of change. We all get so wrapped up in our comfort zones (even if unpleasant) that the older we get, the harder it is to change when change is needed. I was trapped in that mentality for many years in both my work and my personal life. Finally, within the past two years and with the strong encouragement of one of my lifelong best friends, I've made substantial changes in both those areas. The results are incredible. People who know me from both "seasons" continue to comment that I'm a completely different person now. That's not to say that my life is perfect--far from it--but rather to say that if you're not in a place (mentally/physically/educationally/career, etc.) where you feel like you are making your best contribution to a good life for yourself, then don't be afraid to just go for it and take the leap of faith! If it works, then great. If not, are you really any worse than you were before?

bchris02
01-14-2016, 10:42 AM
Anyway, the advice I give you is this: Don't be afraid of change. We all get so wrapped up in our comfort zones (even if unpleasant) that the older we get, the harder it is to change when change is needed. I was trapped in that mentality for many years in both my work and my personal life. Finally, within the past two years and with the strong encouragement of one of my lifelong best friends, I've made substantial changes in both those areas. The results are incredible. People who know me from both "seasons" continue to comment that I'm a completely different person now. That's not to say that my life is perfect--far from it--but rather to say that if you're not in a place (mentally/physically/educationally/career, etc.) where you feel like you are making your best contribution to a good life for yourself, then don't be afraid to just go for it and take the leap of faith! If it works, then great. If not, are you really any worse than you were before?

True words. Sometimes change is difficult even if we know its going to be for the better, because it requires us to step out of our comfort zones. It's easier to just continue in the status quo, even if it makes us miserable, than it is to take a leap of faith and make a change.

Bellaboo
01-14-2016, 10:44 AM
I'll roll over 63 later this year. Life is really good, but I read a study one time that examined what people 'regretted' -

And #1 on the list is what people didn't do in life as opposed to what they did.

mkjeeves
01-14-2016, 10:45 AM
Some things may be downhill for the next decade or so but then it gets better. That may not be for you but if it is, you're normal. Maybe being aware will help. Good luck.

Cite:

The U-Bend of Happiness

The surprising finding is that people increase in happiness until around 30 then happiness heads downward into midlife and then back up again to higher levels after the 50ís. This U-bend of happiness seems to hold true even across cultural differences. People are the least happy in their 40ís and 50ís with the global low point being 46 years. Past middle age there seems to be growing happiness into the later years that occurs regardless of money, employment status or children.

The Relationship of Age and Happiness: A Surprising Finding | This Emotional Life (http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/blogs/relationship-age-and-happiness-surprising-finding)

Nick
01-14-2016, 11:08 AM
I'll roll over 63 later this year. Life is really good, but I read a study one time that examined what people 'regretted' -

And #1 on the list is what people didn't do in life as opposed to what they did.

I read an article on Yahoo! that said something similar. That and they regretted "worrying" so much as it didn't change anything.

MadMonk
01-14-2016, 11:23 AM
Just a quick comment: my 30's were way better than my 20's.

I bet your best years are still ahead of you.

LOL, I was going to post this, but you beat me to it.

milkmandude
01-14-2016, 11:29 AM
Life is better with good friends.


I've never really shared personal details about my life on OKCTalk and I'll spare you from having to be the first to read it, but I will say that cutting crappy people out of my life was one of the absolute best things I ever did.

^

The grass is ALWAYS greener! I just turned 30 in November and dreaded it for over a year. I, on the other hand am a little opposite of you so I don't know if it'll help or not. I am married, have three kids and just bought my first house last year. On the flip side I worried too much I DIDN'T spend enough "me time" prior to the milestone age. I also agree that 29 was worse than 30, maybe due to the mental preparing? My only relatable issue is the health, I did not expect to "feel" it quite this age. It's like that saying that goes something like "I'm too young for this to already be happening and/or getting too old to be doing this stuff anymore." that is so true at this age.

BG918
01-14-2016, 01:04 PM
I turned 30 last year. Doing so had me reevaluating my life goals and what I'm doing to make those happen. I am married with a young child and another on the way. Bought my second home last year (I sold the first 3 years ago and rented in between). Health is good but realized I needed to eat better and workout more which has been an ongoing battle.

Professionally I have worked for two large companies since graduating from college 8 years ago, about the same amount of time at both. I have learned a lot and moved up to a managerial role but realized I wasn't getting any closer to realizing a dream to own my design-build development firm by working on large projects instead of smaller ones. So I spent most of last year reaching out to those small companies I admire seeking a job learning the ropes. I start at one next month which will be a huge change but something I'm excited about.

My advice for anyone especially at our age is to travel as much as possible. I know it can be expensive and getting time off from work is hard but I can't stress how important it is for better understanding yourself and the world around you.

Uptowner
01-14-2016, 01:18 PM
Travel is important. Even if it's a road trip to Carlsbad with a stop in Roswell for an alien shaped coffee mug.

I think I would be least concerned with real estate. I watched all my friends get their houses taken away during the crisis. Heartbreaking. Wait until you can really afford it. I bought in the paseo last year. My first. And it's a $1200/ft piece of junk lol. But I'm light hearted about. It's just an old ass house. And the location is perfect. But seriously when my neighbor shuts his car door or someone drives by with a bad exhaust system, all the windows rattle. And nobody told me the streets 1 block removed from 23rd are the "Ridin' dirty" streets.

ctchandler
01-14-2016, 01:27 PM
Well, when I turned 30, my wife and I didn't realize it. I didn't know till I got to work and looked at my calendar and my wife discovered it sometime during the day as well. The previous year she bought me a bottle of scotch, but because she/we forgot, she picked up a six pack of tall boys. Needless to say, it wasn't exactly traumatic for me. My best man's (he is two years older than me) wife told me that he was really down for about six months after turning 30. I'm one of the "birthdays are for kids" type people, never had black balloons in my office even though I turned 30, 40, 50, and 60 with the same company. Now I'm 72 and 70 was just another number/day. Very few people other than my mother and my late wife gave me a card/gift.
C. T.

Bill Robertson
01-14-2016, 01:35 PM
I was a kid near the end of the hippie movement but really got into everything they stood for some time. One of those ideals was that everyone over 30 was "bad". Or in another way, life is over at 30. At least that's the way I looked at it. I raced road bicycles in my teens and twenties. I actually quit at 30 because I had to be done, right? Imagine my surprise when things got BETTER in my early 30s. I even got back into racing and was more competitive in my 30s than ever. My 40s were even BETTER. I proved to myself that in my 40s I could still do anything I could do in my 20s or 30s. Now, in my late 50s I'm finally finding my body telling me I need to slow down. Things hurt s lot more and for a lot longer than they used to. But in your 30s you have a long time before that happens.

TheTravellers
01-14-2016, 03:03 PM
If I may ask - what happened that put moving to Seattle in the regret category?

The main thing is that it ended up in us moving back to OKC, which I never, ever, ever, ever wanted to do after I left in 1995 (bad live music/theater scene, retail sucked, all the conservatism, etc.).

Moved out of OKC in 1995 to Milwaukee for a year, then to Chicagoland, stayed there about 10 years, got tired of the cold, so decided to leave. Found a job in Seattle, then when we got there, we realized the cost-of-living data on the websites we had been using was way out of date (8-9 months out of date, I believe), and we couldn't really afford to live like we wanted to there. Wife couldn't find a copy editing job (one of the newspapers went to online only, laying off tons of folks, right when we got there), and we were living in Puyallup/Sumner (next to complete a**holes in both places, had to call the cops twice in each place, which we had never had to do in Chicagoland or when we lived here), and I was working south of downtown Seattle, so commuting was horrific, to pile it on. Then I got laid off (2008-9-ish), couldn't find a job (UNIX sys admin/engineer) in that area, St. Louis, Phoenix, KC, or anyplace else we were thinking about moving to. Unemployment was within a month of running out, and I was contacted by a recruiter about a job here in OKC. Pretty much no choice at that point, so had to move back here. And have been annoyed/p***ed off ever since. :)

So basically, if we wouldn't've left Chicagoland, I wouldn't've had to move back to OKC, most likely. Seattle is a nice place to live if you have lots of money, or don't mind living in a very small place, or love driving in horrible traffic and dealing with crappy suburbs while living in a suburb and not Seattle proper.

bradh
01-14-2016, 03:56 PM
30 is a cakewalk

It's 35 where the metabolism slows and you start feeling old and tired all the time. I'm 36, I'm fighting this all the time.

White Peacock
01-15-2016, 10:03 AM
I didn't have much fear going into 30, probably because at the time I felt reasonably accomplished. But in a few months I'll be 35, and I've got some anxiety. I took a break from college for about a decade, and now I'm a 34 year old college junior. If I'm able to go through with my aim of earning a PhD, I'll be a student until I'm in my early 40s. The idea of being a student so long doesn't bother me, but having such a delayed achievement kind of makes it feel like a lesser achievement in a way.

I suppose I have a bit of the Impostor Syndrome; I've accomplished most of the things I've ever set as goals. I've written books, been published by a respected independent publisher, I've had an album released by an underground record label. I'm married, have a kid, own a home, have all of the experiential and material wins that a man could want (aside from excessive wealth, but there's still time!), and I still feel like I haven't done enough. But aside from that inability to sit and smell the roses that are growing right under my nose, I gotta say that my 30s are the best decade yet.

Life is what you make it, age be damned. If 30 is a problem, if 35 is a problem, or beyond, it's all in your head. Yeah, your body might be slowing down, but in your 30s your don't-give-a-f*ck is much stronger, and that tends to make you happier overall. There's typically a confidence that a 30 something carries that is completely absent in most 20 somethings. Your mileage may vary. I think my biggest anxiety is that I now need to stay alive to raise my kid and see her off into her adulthood, and I'm struggling with that old Logan's Run mindset that there's no life beyond 30, so envisioning myself aging into my 50s or beyond is difficult.

johnnyhooper
01-15-2016, 12:22 PM
30 is a cakewalk

it's 35 where the metabolism slows and you start feeling old and tired all the time. I'm 36, i'm fighting this all the time.

yep

corwin1968
01-15-2016, 12:28 PM
My life went downhill after I turned 30. Coincidentally, that was the first time in my life I started working full-time. Hmmmmmmmm............... :Smiley099

adaniel
01-15-2016, 12:50 PM
^
LOL. I guess my life has been going downhill since I was 19.


Travel is important. Even if it's a road trip to Carlsbad with a stop in Roswell for an alien shaped coffee mug.

I think I would be least concerned with real estate. I watched all my friends get their houses taken away during the crisis. Heartbreaking. Wait until you can really afford it. I bought in the paseo last year. My first. And it's a $1200/ft piece of junk lol. But I'm light hearted about. It's just an old ass house. And the location is perfect. But seriously when my neighbor shuts his car door or someone drives by with a bad exhaust system, all the windows rattle. And nobody told me the streets 1 block removed from 23rd are the "Ridin' dirty" streets.

Definitely agree with the travel part. I really wanted to go to London for my birthday, but given my somewhat unstable employment situation, I am trying to be careful with money. I think I can do something stateside though, maybe take a roadtrip. On a related note, one thing I have evolved on even in my 20's is that experiences deliver much more happiness than "stuff."

I will add though, I do go back and forth on the whole real estate thing. Relationships and to a lesser extent career success is a bit out of your control but home ownership is something that is still very obtainable, at least for me. I was actually very close to buying a place in OKC, having gone so far to get pre-approved for a mortgage, and literally 3 days later a headhunter called me for my job here, and the rest was history. Looking back on it now, I was doing it for the wrong reasons. It was definitely more of a "I'm trying to be an adult" thing then any real desire to own a home. I am quite happy with renting my place and the flexibility it has given me.

Love these responses. You all have really alleviated a lot of my concerns.

Roger S
01-15-2016, 01:07 PM
....I think I can do something stateside though, maybe take a roadtrip. On a related note, one thing I have evolved on even in my 20's is that experiences deliver much more happiness than "stuff."

Agreed 111% and as mentioned earlier the 9 day road trip to nowhere in particular I took was incredible.... I rented a car for 9 days with no plans or agenda other than to only go places I had never been. I stayed in cheap roadside motels, and let the day take me where it took me..... I saw 11 states in 9 days... Saw two concerts, an awesome Christmas festival in Natchitoches, LA, a civil war battlefield, the musicians hall of fame, ate some incredible food, watched a barge going up the Mississippi river and even went to Santa Claus Indiana just because I saw it on the map and even what I described here doesn't cover everything I saw and did..... I can't wait to do it again!

Edit: Forgot to mention that I did it all without ever getting on an Interstate Highway... drove two-lane highways and backroads most of the way.

KayneMo
01-15-2016, 01:07 PM
I just turned 25 and discovered my first grey hair a couple of years ago! I've had a few panic and freak-out moments since being in my 20s but reading the responses relieves me as well.

bchris02
01-15-2016, 01:07 PM
^
Definitely agree with the travel part. I really wanted to go to London for my birthday, but given my somewhat unstable employment situation, I am trying to be careful with money. I think I can do something stateside though, maybe take a roadtrip. On a related note, one thing I have evolved on even in my 20's is that experiences deliver much more happiness than "stuff."


Agree with this 100%. At 30, I wish I could go back and tell my 27 year old self this before I bought an expensive car that has me buried in debt and high payments, unhappy, and without extra money to spend on those experiences that really do bring happiness. But hey...bluetooth integration!! This is something our generation understands a lot better than baby boomers, who for the most part lived their lives seeking after material things to bring them happiness.

"Stuff" does bring short-term happiness but it quickly wears off. Experiences bring happiness, can be life changing, and are many times things you look back on your entire life with fondness. Like a trip to London, for example. To me, that would be more invaluable than any car, home, or entertainment center I could purchase.

ctchandler
01-15-2016, 03:42 PM
I just turned 25 and discovered my first grey hair a couple of years ago! I've had a few panic and freak-out moments since being in my 20s but reading the responses relieves me as well.

KayneMo,
Don't worry, I was 19 when my white hair (not grey, white) started appearing. I inherited from my dad and grandfather and by the time I was 30, I was white headed. I had (and still do) lots of hair, but it was white. People kidded me about it but for the most part, people thought it made me look distinguished. My baby face was proof enough of my age.
C. T.

zookeeper
01-15-2016, 05:37 PM
I remember worrying about age at 30. I remember worrying about it at 35. Again at 40 - and 45. I really remember 50. At 55 I started getting the AARP stuff in the mail (they don't waste a day either - it was the day AFTER my 55th birthday). I have to remember I have never been "robbed" of anything, I experienced a lot during those years. I lived my 20's, 30's, 40's and living now in my late 50's, it's just another stage in life and I honestly don't feel that much different than I did at a much younger age. You'll find that it's that way for most people as we ride the waves of our ups and downs - we ebb and flow, ride the waves (pick your metaphor). You live day-to-day and that will never change until we don't, at which time we won't know we didn't wake up yesterday. Enjoy life!

CCOKC
01-16-2016, 08:36 AM
I turn 50 this year and I am turning it into the "Year of Cynthia!" I am going to the Olympics in Rio. Two of my bucket list items in one year... it was a sign from God. I am just glad to be alive and healthy and have great people around me every day. I can't ask for more than that.

kevinpate
01-16-2016, 04:54 PM
30 came and went. I was closing out my first year of being a full member of the bar, working with some exceptionally bright and interesting folk, and wasn't much of a B-day sort to begin with. For that matter, turning 40 and 50 didn't suck either. The latter half of being 50 and the first quarter of being 54 weren't fun, but those months would have sucked no matter my age at the time.

catch22
01-16-2016, 06:26 PM
I'm 22 and I am getting plenty of grey hair.

You're doing great!

Urban Pioneer
01-16-2016, 09:46 PM
Great topic. I turned 34 in November. When I read the first post though, it caused some mixed feelings. Self pity is never an alluring introduction into a thread. But then I read down and thought about it. Honesty is a rare thing and this is a completely legitimate discussion. Is the paranoia about shifting from twenties to thirties a Millennial thing? I mean I am sure there is always a general concern about the age shift through the generations. However, I read more and more about twenty somethings having this 'mini-crisis' than ever before. Something that I thought happened to more or less happen to folks turning forty or fifty.

Personally, the most significant thing that I have noticed is that time has seemed to accelerate. The twenties seemed to be filled with nothing but time.

Now, literally I have to force myself to stop and enjoy life. It feels like if I am not working, being with my wife or son, or finishing up the streetcar project, I'm letting somebody down and not meeting my responsibilities.

Lately, I'm back in the gym lifting, boxing, swimming when I can, and trying to take Saturday or Sunday to be with the family and not think about work or political issues.

The twenties were awesome. I worked two Presidential campaigns in the field, Senate campaigns, City Council and Mayoral Campaigns. I worked for the Oklahoma Centennial Commission and constructed projects in all 77 counties of our state. I received a US Patent for a invention and launched the Streetcar System.

The great things about your twenties if your a driven individual, is that you carry a naivety that allows you to easily break through glass walls. When I was in my early twenties, this manifested itself into a unflattering cocky attitude that was only attenuated through exposure to life's challenges and failures. The personality traits eventually leveled out into a more mature aggression.

Youthful naivety can be a great and wonderful thing. It can be exercised in such a way that you achieve those goals because you see no reason not to. This should also pertain to attempting to expose yourself that all of life has to offer. To travel, to write, to have great emotional and physical relationships with people, and to love.

Naivety and invincibility have their negatives too. I have had my fair share of near-death experiences. However, since I came through them, I would't trade those for the world either.

I think some Millennials have the right idea. Vacation in your twenties. Enjoy life without physical limitations and live fiercely. You have the rest of your life to work. But take care of yourself. Take care of your body, Take care of your mental health. Don't allow hate to consume you even if that hate could somehow be justified. Forgive, move on, let negative people in your life go, and treat others well. Keep your friends and family close. Make time for them.

Take lots of pictures when your having great experiences! Keep those past life experiences real as they will buoy you in the dark times and help you stay centered and reminded that you have lived and can live onward!

I'm looking forward to the rest of my thirties. The tough lesson that I am trying to learn is not to always take the hardest road. I always seem to take the hardest roads and enjoy the abuse and punishment to getting to that glass wall and breaking through with a million shards of glass. It is so easy to get me to pursue proving someone wrong by telling me that a goal cannot be accomplished. I have to let go of that and choose my fights more wisely. Time is precious and probably our greatest gift. Relish it.

Uptowner
01-17-2016, 03:18 PM
I spent my teens in the "eXtreme" nineties. Doing bmx and motor cross, snowboarding etc. But I see the kids now, parkour, wingsuits, anything sponsored by redbull and I'm like NOPE! Like the previous poster I had some near death experiences and it's left me with some bad joints. I stay active and still enjoy riding in my thirties. But I avoid the "sweet jumps" and I don't go skiing.

bchris02
01-18-2016, 11:34 AM
Great topic. I turned 34 in November. When I read the first post though, it caused some mixed feelings. Self pity is never an alluring introduction into a thread. But then I read down and thought about it. Honesty is a rare thing and this is a completely legitimate discussion. Is the paranoia about shifting from twenties to thirties a Millennial thing? I mean I am sure there is always a general concern about the age shift through the generations. However, I read more and more about twenty somethings having this 'mini-crisis' than ever before. Something that I thought happened to more or less happen to folks turning forty or fifty.

It's possible. I think this applies more to Millennials who have remained single throughout their twenties and have delayed marriage, family, or career. The crisis you speak of is what is called the "Quarter-life crisis."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis

In general Millennial culture, your twenties are the time for being carefree, having fun, and experiencing new things. This generation has a lot of opportunity for experiences that previous generations didn't have i.e. a lot more millennials are traveling abroad than baby boomers did in their twenties. When you shift into your thirties, you really have to start thinking about things like marriage, long term career plans, and settling down, moreso than you did in your twenties. The anxiety can really start creeping in when you see all of your friends getting married and settling down, and even worse if you are in situations where people judge you for being a certain age and not having accomplished that.

From my personal experience, my early twenties were the best time of my life with my mid twenties close behind. The second half of my twenties were not so great, with 28 and 29 being especially bad. A lot of this, for better or for worse, was because I moved back to my hometown of OKC, which was a great move career wise but in terms of branching out and having new experiences, it left me unfulfilled. Plus, after coming back here nearly everyone I knew from high school was married with kids and questioned why I wasn't, which for me began a spiral toward an inferiority complex which I am now finally crawling out of. I want to say this isn't a negative jab at OKC and can apply to everyone who grew up somewhere, moved away to a place they loved, and had to move back home for one reason or another before they were really ready. It's hard to have new, exciting experiences when you are in your hometown. Doesn't matter if its OKC, Dallas, Phoenix, etc, etc.

That brings me back to my main point. Experiences, for me, bring a lot more joy and fulfillment than things. It isn't that way for everyone. Many people's dream is to settle down at 22, get married, and have kids. If that isn't you though, you shouldn't let culture push you into that and instead chase your dream and do what you love, regardless of age.

Urban Pioneer
01-19-2016, 07:58 AM
Thanks for the explanation. That all makes sense. If your point about not having new experiences for people who moved back to their hometown broadly holds true, then perhaps it is important to have a job that allows flexibility and extensive travel.

I used to do this and have friends, some of who post here, who do. That kind of freedom can really help bridge the gap.

Urban Pioneer
01-19-2016, 08:00 AM
I spent my teens in the "eXtreme" nineties. Doing bmx and motor cross, snowboarding etc. But I see the kids now, parkour, wingsuits, anything sponsored by redbull and I'm like NOPE! Like the previous poster I had some near death experiences and it's left me with some bad joints. I stay active and still enjoy riding in my thirties. But I avoid the "sweet jumps" and I don't go skiing.

Surfing when traveling out west and long boarding here are about as extreme as I get these days. Big waves and the threat of drowning keep it real though. lol

Bunty
01-19-2016, 09:07 AM
30 is a cakewalk

It's 35 where the metabolism slows and you start feeling old and tired all the time. I'm 36, I'm fighting this all the time.

That didn't happen to me until I became 60.

Anyway, shortly after I turned 30, I didn't like it because I was still wasting my life working at a low pay job I didn't like. So to see if I could get hope for my future, I went to a fortune teller, who looked at my palm. She said I would settle into a career within a year. She turned out to be right and it paid more than double what I had been making. It paid so well, it was the last job I ever had.

So try going to a fortune teller if you're getting frustrated with life, if only for fun. But you know you got a bad one when he or she says she sees more in your future, but you have to pay an additional fee before you will be told what it's about.