Just wanted to vent some frustrations, I havent posted in a while. (sorry)

Well, for one, its Saturday Night and Im home posting here lol

Anyway, I have been doing the online thing for a few months now. I have actually met 1 guy. THe others where I thought I would be interested would never get the nards to call me or offer me their numbers so, I deleted them. (bwuahahahaha!)

The one guy I met. He seemed nice we met for coffee at the Red Cup, just a nice evening.
I really think he wanted me to come to his house he invited me. Im sorry, I didnt find that appropriate and I didnt say a word (hard to do).
I would go out with him again, if it was last week.
So, Since I didnt whore out I dont get a second date, if I DID whore out I wouldnt get a second date.
Damned if ya do, damned if ya dont.
Im not worried about "him" too much, he bugged me, he looked like my Ex husband a lot.
Oh well, no harm done.

I havent been out in a while (at all) I know this doesnt help but it doesnt make things better.

Online Dating... I have been talking to men out of state. And I actually have more in common with men who dont live here. Strange huh?
Texas men are most like Oklahoma Men. I have been chatting with men on the east coast. Just for personality sake they are more my type.

Maybe Im just an oddball. Oklahoma men from what I have witnessed between myself and my friends, men dont like eccentric or oddball women.
Im not strange, im just different. I dont care for sports and I really dont like beer.

So, once again Im at a point in my life where I just dont care.
4 kinda dates in 3 years.... ummm, thats not normal. Not even for me.

I give up and yes, im pointing fingers at Oklahoma Men and Im really sorry to put you all in the same catagory. I KNOW you are not all the same.
It is just my age group 31-40 they are all the same.
They seek 20 year olds in halter tops and can take on a beer bong with no problems.

:congrats: Couldn't have said it better myself, Spookytourchic! I believe in other threads I have commented on the difference between men here in OK and TX and men in other states. Michigan was some of the best dating I've ever had. And whenever I've visited other states in the northern part of the US, I seem to have more in common with those guys and are able to relate to them easier. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. I just wish I could figure out what it is. Perhaps they have more tolerance for uniqueness and individuality. They don't expect every woman to look like a blasted Barbie Doll. Hmmm...

Something I've noticed about many men down here is they seem to have an unnatural connection to their mommas. It's kinda creepy. I don't want to be someone's momma unless they've sprung from my own loins, ya know?

I'm also venting. Boys are stupid. :)

Have you every thought of broadening your age range? The older a guy gets, the more setteled he gets. A lot of us have gone through the sex every night stage, the bars before the sex, getting drunk, and the like. We are now ready to settle down and find a woman to just enjoy life. Have fun (clean and sober). And have as a friend as well as a girlfriend.

:respect:

Have you every thought of broadening your age range? The older a guy gets, the more setteled he gets. A lot of us have gone through the sex every night stage, the bars before the sex, getting drunk, and the like. We are now ready to settle down and find a woman to just enjoy life. Have fun (clean and sober). And have as a friend as well as a girlfriend.

:respect:

Hey, I am only 29 and am settled. I am very content on sitting at home and watching tv, or just sitting outside and enjoying the night air. Most the time I am at home anyway with 2 kids and don't have a chance or time to go out, so I just stay home. I like to have a beer every so often, no not alot of beer unless I am in the mood to get drunk and if thats the case it something more hard like a mixed drink. I more or less drink sociably. I like to chat, talk, have conversation with, I have been told am easy to talk to and be around. Now sex was once good everynight but now I am lucky if I feel like it once a week, may get the occasional more than once a week.
All I want right now for starters is a friend, a female friend, one I can talk to that won't be afraid of me. I have been fighting depression, and cause of the events that happened this time last year, looking to try and get my esteem and confidence back up, which has been hard.
So in my eyes. what would a "lady" want to do with me? I am willing to go out and meet them, but at same time I am afraid of doing something wrong and scareing them off. So what is a guy like me to do? Is there a female that would be my friend and likes to sit back and take it easy or maybe go to the mall and walk around? Sex is nice and fun but at this point is not important, its being together and haveing fun that counts.

[QUOTE=Spookytourchick]Just wanted to vent some frustrations, I havent posted in a while. (sorry)

Online Dating... I have been talking to men out of state.l [Quote]

Ya know I too find this interesting and yet very frustrating.....been doing some of the online talking (yahoo personals) too and I get more IMs from men from out of state and country than any from OK. ~ WV, CT, the UK and South Africa (!!) just to name a few. Seems to me the more a woman is local to a guy the less likely they are to talk to her. I've IMed a couple that I've seen on yahoo. pers. and have either gotten no response or one that came across rather rude. Color me strange but I'm really not that interested in talking to a guy that might as well be a world away, or has no profile information listed for me to get a little pre IM return response information.
Then there is the guy I call "Mr. Ohio" who makes the above statement moot.... just say the word honey and I'm soooo there! (in fact he just signed on so....buhbye now!) haha

Okay...... I just had to respond to this. I consider myself to be an oddball. I do not look like a metrosexual MTV Abercrombie guy. I don't act like a macho idiot that feels like he has prove himself to everyone.

In many aspects I am like other guys, I like sports though I am not addicted to Sports Center. I like to stay active and I am very handy when it comes to fixing things. I am very successful at getting the things I want in my life and I refuse to quit. I am not the type to stir up trouble but, if you bring it to me I will do whatever is deemed necessary to end it.

The Mom issue you guys spoke of does not apply to me. I live my own life and I take care of myself. I even tend myself when I am sick. I hate it when people wait on me. I prefer to do things myself. The people that I do allow to wait on me are heavily rewarded.

I ask for phone numbers and I ask women out. I am not intimated by women at all. My thing is I just don't see that many women that perk my interests. I don't think the type of woman I'm looking for exist in OKC. I want to meet a woman who can carry on a good conversation. A conversation that does not include a celebrity or MTV.

I only drink on occassion and call me crazy but, I like a woman that does not show so much skin. I like a little mystery to a woman.

I am also settled, but then again I have a huge sense of adventure. :) I would like someone who would be pyshically able to keep up with me. If he was older & in great shape then yes, Im all for that! Im not limiting myself really im not. Im just not ready to sit at home and watch Matlock and talk about gravy yet.

Your one in a million then.

The funny thing is that online dating or just regular dating here in OKC it seems VERY shallow at least in the mid to late 20s (and early 30s) from what I've seen and experienced so far.

I'm usually shy but making an effort over the last 2 years to just send random people emails on the different sites that seem like they are interesting and 95% of them never respond. If you don't have a good picture up (I do not like pictures taken of me to tell the truth) then you don't even get a chance to talk with them more.

I've tried about every approach from the "let's be friends first" (which never works) to just asking some girl out I thought was cute and interesting and I can tell ya that for some reason it just seems like if you don't have an amazing body or are the "bad" boy you just don't get dates.

I always hear that "girls marry the good guys" but most of what I've seen so far is they just end up dating and marrying the ones that end up not being as good for them (lots of time leading to divorce in early 30s).

I guess call it a double-edged sword but what I can tell ya is that if you don't like going out to the clubs or go get completely wasted on a reliably basis it doesn't seem like you can find many out there that even respond.

I agree especially with the shallow statement.
Im not talking to you of course, I dont know you. But from what I have witnessed men are very Media influence when it comes to women. I posted not too long ago about what men in OKC are seeking. From what I see they want women who are just out of their leauge. Its not a strike down to any man. Its just reality.
They would much rather have "eye candy" than anything else. Im not up for being someones trophy ya know? Especially if they are Narcissistic and I catch it within the first 5 min of a coverstation.
"Me me me, I I I I Me I want I me me me " is all you hear and they never ask about "you".
I will purposly throw out statements that would make a semi-intelligent guy raise an eyebrow, but to most of the men I have dealt with they are oblivious to the fact that Im even talking.
I cant stand selfish people.Its not confidence, its Narcissistic Personality Disorder and with those people (there are a TON of them) I get away and get away fast.
Look up NPD on the web, you will be amazed with how many people you know and work with who have this disorder.

I have really given up on dating here in OKC... its pointless. I glanced at a guy in the grocery store last weekend and he smiled back. We kept meeting on the isles and I said "Hey" to him. He all of a sudden wasnt interested. It freaked him out.
Im assuming it was because he was SOBER?
If he was drinking Im sure it would have went the other way.
One moment interested, then I say something and he crumbles and looks scared and lost.
Maybe its that whole "Momma" thing that SweetDaisy spoke about (I agree with her %100 on that statment) or it could be the lack of liquid courage?

I am not "stunning" and I am not "ugly" I am an attractive 32 year old female that is in pretty good shape. So, who knows.

Eye candy would be nice, but to me its not for me. I like a nice looking lady. SHe doesn't have to be drop dead good looking or have that supermodel look though there are some out there that do and would be nice to have one, but in my book those are high exspensive girls wanting to have someone take care of them and give them the better life. Me I can't do that but can give my love and attention and other things to make life fun and enjoyable. Though I have always pondered the question, What do girls think when a guy comes up an djust wants to be friends? Is there anything wrong with that? He doesn't want a relationship but wants to be friends, and that maybe later down the road would get serious to start a relationship. From my understanding when a girl hears that they run cause all they think is the guy is looking for romp buddy, in my case nope, I am just wanting some friendship is all.

Im just not ready to sit at home and watch Matlock and talk about gravy yet.
:LolLolLol That is HILARIOUS!

The funny thing is that online dating or just regular dating here in OKC it seems VERY shallow at least in the mid to late 20s (and early 30s) from what I've seen and experienced so far.

I'm usually shy but making an effort over the last 2 years to just send random people emails on the different sites that seem like they are interesting and 95% of them never respond. If you don't have a good picture up (I do not like pictures taken of me to tell the truth) then you don't even get a chance to talk with them more.

I've tried about every approach from the "let's be friends first" (which never works) to just asking some girl out I thought was cute and interesting and I can tell ya that for some reason it just seems like if you don't have an amazing body or are the "bad" boy you just don't get dates.

I always hear that "girls marry the good guys" but most of what I've seen so far is they just end up dating and marrying the ones that end up not being as good for them (lots of time leading to divorce in early 30s).

I guess call it a double-edged sword but what I can tell ya is that if you don't like going out to the clubs or go get completely wasted on a reliably basis it doesn't seem like you can find many out there that even respond.

It is no different when you get into your 40's and 50's. I have had contact with women on Yahoo and Match both, and, yes. Most will never email you back even to give you a reason they do not want to stay in touch. And of the ones that DO reply to say no, 99% of those lie about it. It seems a lot of people (of both sexes) are affraid of telling the truth. They will say it is because they do not want to hurt your feelings. Well, guess what. It hurts my feelings when you do NOT tell me the truth or even fail to reply at all. I find that to be rude. I use to not have a picture in my profiles because I weighed over 300 pounds and it showed. I looked as wide as a 747 is long. I even cried (literally) at the site of the picture. I got more replies with NO picture than with it. So, when I started seeing a woman who, with no warning, went nuts on me (I mean laughing academy nuts), I decided to take the advise she gave me before she went koo-koo and lose weight. I am now 70 pounds lighter. I need more, however, the last 40 pounds seems impossible. The pictures look better, and instead of all but one woman being scared away, it is now rare. I still get a lot that do not reply or give excuses instead of reasons. I even had one that demanded a picture telling me that she was ok with a large man. Guess what. When she saw the picture, she laid rubber.

They will say "looks don't matter," "I want a nice guy," "I want to go slow," "Money doesn't matter," or several other things, that turn out to be lies. Guess what. Those lines are the worm on the end of that hook. Then they reel you in and throw you back. Why not just say "I am looking for a slender, good looking man who has a wad of cash and wants a fast romance leading to the alter in a month or two. If you are not that man, then do not respond, as I will not reply, and if I don't like you, I will ignore you." THAT is the truth.

I went over ten years without a date because I was tired of women dumping me or telling me no. I am out of practise, and am scared to death of relationships. Yet, what happens, is after two or three dates (usually at most), I get the boot with no explanation. Or if there is one, it is usually "I don't see a potential relationship." I have even agreed to non exclusive, which is something I do not like. I have even been very slow taking my time and letting a friendship develop first, I have waited to hold hands and other romantic things. Every one except one so far have thrown me away. I had to send a long email to one just to get the truth out of her.

To this day, I am affraid to approach a woman in person. It is not that I do not want to, it is because I have been rejected so much and it makes me feel like an abused puppy. I just do not understand today's ways. They seem two faced. You are told one thing, then find out it was a pack of lies. I know if you smile at me at the supermarket and say hello, you may be interested, however, I do not know that unless you tell me. I know it is not "lady like" to be forward. However, I would much rather have a woman tell me she likes what she see's and wants to have a cup of coffee and see if we can go forward, than one that is coy... Or even worse. One that lies to reel him in.

I have only dated in Oklahoma City, so, I have no idea if these things happen all over. I suspect they do.

Mr Anderson, expanding the age range is a good suggestion. However, the men I've dated that were older than 40 were entering their second childhood, or something. And, I was part of that "midlife crisis" or whatever that was...their token girlfriend who is close to the same age as their children. It's actually kinda icky. I don't think I will repeat that anytime soon. It took me alot to expand my age range to include upper 30's.

but in my book those are high exspensive girls wanting to have someone take care of them and give them the better life..


Isnt this what men want also? Someone to take care of them and give them a better life?
There are very few gold diggers out there. THey are obvious.
Just because a woman well kept doesnt make her a gold digger. I dress decent have all my teeth and try to look nice at all times. I am far from a gold digger. And my overall goal is to meet someone where we can take care of each other and provide better lives for each other.

If a guy rides bicycle and has no car, call me what you will. I will not date him.
If he cant pay his bills or take care of himself he is in no shape to be in a relationship with anyone. (myself included).
Those guys are called "Scrubs". No car, no home barely a job and nothing to show for it. Its not a materialistic thing. Its part of being a grown up.

I look for established men, not wealthy men.
I am not wealthy but I am established. (Outside of needing to find a new place to live)

I agree men are the same way too, but I am not one of those men that are like that. I can take care of myself, I can pay my own bills. I have my own place, all I want out of a lady is some companionship but there are a major of women out there that don't want the friend/companion they want the relationship.

Isnt this what men want also? Someone to take care of them and give them a better life?
There are very few gold diggers out there. THey are obvious.
Just because a woman well kept doesnt make her a gold digger. I dress decent have all my teeth and try to look nice at all times. I am far from a gold digger. And my overall goal is to meet someone where we can take care of each other and provide better lives for each other.

If a guy rides bicycle and has no car, call me what you will. I will not date him.
If he cant pay his bills or take care of himself he is in no shape to be in a relationship with anyone. (myself included).
Those guys are called "Scrubs". No car, no home barely a job and nothing to show for it. Its not a materialistic thing. Its part of being a grown up.

I look for established men, not wealthy men.
I am not wealthy but I am established. (Outside of needing to find a new place to live)

I have some questions for you Spooky. Please take no offense to these.

What kind of income seperates a man from barely being able to pay his bills vs. being well established?

What must he provide to "show for it?"

What kind of "shape" must he be in to be in a relationship?

At what point to you decide he is a "scrub?"

These are things us single guys need to know to decide if it is worth our time to try.

Personally, do I want the "Barbie doll?" Yes. However, she is a fantasy. I am like dirtrider. I want a woman who is stable, willing to take her time, will not look at my income (just because I will be driving a car fresh from the factory soon does not mean I am wealthy), is willing to be a friend even if it takes a year to develop, and will be there for me when I need comfort. So far, except for maybe one, she has not arrived. As my dads death grows closer, I really need that comfort, and I am willing to give HER that same gift.

They will say "looks don't matter," "I want a nice guy," "I want to go slow," "Money doesn't matter," or several other things, that turn out to be lies. Guess what. Those lines are the worm on the end of that hook. Then they reel you in and throw you back. Why not just say "I am looking for a slender, good looking man who has a wad of cash and wants a fast romance leading to the alter in a month or two. If you are not that man, then do not respond, as I will not reply, and if I don't like you, I will ignore you." THAT is the truth.



Because the truth won't attract anyone.

Folks no one is perfect. You're probably not going to find the PERFECT match. If you'll only go out with a perfect match be ready to wait a while.

One more thing: No one is ever what they appear to be. Everyone puts up a facade to attract others. (If you where make-up to make yourself look better, that's a facade) And they won't be next week what you thought they were today. That goes both ways...the one you wont give the time of day to could be the one you're looking for, but you don't give him a second thought, and you base that decision on a facade.

I think most women, including those on OKCTalk, expect to be very impressed INSTANTLY. I think women decide within the first few seconds, or milliseconds, whether to blow a man off or not. If they're not "WOW'd" immediately a man has little or no chance. Men know this.

Men can spot this 'wow' just as fast. Maybe the men refered to as passive sense that you're not interested, whether you are or not.

I can't recall where I read this but it's been proven that people find others to be more attractive (often irresistable) if they know the other is attracted to them.

Personally, do I want the "Barbie doll?" Yes. However, she is a fantasy. I am like dirtrider. I want a woman who is stable, willing to take her time, will not look at my income (just because I will be driving a car fresh from the factory soon does not mean I am wealthy), is willing to be a friend even if it takes a year to develop, and will be there for me when I need comfort. So far, except for maybe one, she has not arrived. As my dads death grows closer, I really need that comfort, and I am willing to give HER that same gift.


Thats exactaly how I feel. What would it take to have a female as just a friend first then work from there. Wouldn't it give the woamn the better end to get to know her man better if she was to be frineds first then there is not that factor of am I doing good in the relationship department. I would like to be friends first get to know that person and have more time to do it and not be rushed.

I think most women, including those on OKCTalk, expect to be very impressed INSTANTLY. I think women decide within the first few seconds, or milliseconds, whether to blow a man off or not. If they're not "WOW'd" immediately a man has little or no chance. Men know this.

Men can spot this 'wow' just as fast. Maybe the men refered to as passive sense that you're not interested, whether you are or not.

I can't recall where I read this but it's been proven that people find others to be more attractive (often irresistable) if they know the other is attracted to them.


I see this all the time, woman want that wow factor up front and fast. Alot of woman not all of them want to know within the first few seconds if they have the right guy for them or not. Some won't give the guy a chance to redeem hisself. I know me I am nervous the first date around and it takes me some time to warm up, and being nervous there are things I do that am sure will make that "wow" factor fly out the window pretty fast. But given a second chance when I am not so nervous adn more relaxed around that woman I am more at ease to lighten up.

:congrats: Couldn't have said it better myself, Spookytourchic! I believe in other threads I have commented on the difference between men here in OK and TX and men in other states. Michigan was some of the best dating I've ever had. And whenever I've visited other states in the northern part of the US, I seem to have more in common with those guys and are able to relate to them easier. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. I just wish I could figure out what it is. Perhaps they have more tolerance for uniqueness and individuality. They don't expect every woman to look like a blasted Barbie Doll. Hmmm...

Something I've noticed about many men down here is they seem to have an unnatural connection to their mommas. It's kinda creepy. I don't want to be someone's momma unless they've sprung from my own loins, ya know?

I'm also venting. Boys are stupid. :)
Ok, I need to put in my two cents here. First of all, that remark about boys being stupid hurt my feeling, the one I had left anyway :), just kidding Daisy. I know you were too.
Here are my experiences with Michigan women:



Met a girl at a superbowl party a couple years ago, she gives me her number and tells me to call her so I do, only to have another man answer the phone, it was her boyfreind. Dumped that number.

Met a girl last year at the lake, found out later that night, from one of her friends, she was married, (she was not wearing a ring) and probably still is and probably still cheating.


Met another girl this year at the lake, she gave me her number I call we end up going out and having a good time. She tells me she wants to go out again but never answered my calls, but I found it funny when we were out she answered all her calls. So just to see if she was not answering my calls cuz she saw my number I called from work last week, lo and behold she answers her phone we talk and she tells me to call her after work so I do, no answer and as of yet, no call back. Her number went in the trash.


Met another girl at another lake, you guessed it, the story is exactly the same as the last one, word for word, number went bye bye. I guess I should not go to the lake anymore, LOL.


Another girl called me last week while I was up north and said she wanted to get together when I got home, so I call and her number is out of service, that one in the trash also.

Michigan women are game players, liars and cheaters, they go for money and power. The last two I met at the lake got their free drinks and dinner from me and probably do that to alot of guys, they both told me they were divorced, but now I am wondering if they are.

I think the next Michigan woman I go out with, if that happens, after dinner and drinks I am going to go use the rest room and not come back and leave her with the bill J/K, course I probably wont get a second date but I am not getting second dates anyway, LOL.


So, to make a long story short Michigan women suck, I want to fnd me a good southern woman who I can be happy with. All the things that happend to me by the way, also just happend to a friend of mine with the last two women he met also. And they are Michigan women.

I know a girl in Houston that is a sweetheart, she is originally from Alabama, but she has a boyfreind who owns a construction company, yes he knows her and I talk and he is fiine with that because he knows we are just friends and thats all we will ever be. He is even going to let her meet me in Gulf Shores sometime I want to go see the place and go to a popular place called Lulu's, a restuaraunt/bar owned by Jimmy Buffetts sister that is supposed to be a fun place to go, and I dont want to go alone.


Wow, all that typing made me hungry, I am going to dinner now........alone thank you, LMAO!!!!

All of this makes me think once again that a great relationship needs to start with a friendship first... then even if they don't have the 'car' or the 'look' it won't really matter. When you are infatuated with someone, you can overlook many flaws that in the beginning would have turned you off. I guess I'm trying to say that no one will ever be perfect and we all have to overlook many things that bother us in a mate.

I think just getting out there and having fun without the high expectations ( and I know it's hard to do) is the way to meet people.

Start a Poker Game night at your place and invite friends to bring friends and a snack or drinks whatever, it's a way to meet friends.

I just can't believe that all of you are single - from reading your posts, you all have so much to offer! Hang tight and plan some activities and hobbies, take some classes or join a gym... just get out so the other people who need to meet you can find you.

Start a Poker Game night at your place and invite friends to bring friends and a snack or drinks whatever, it's a way to meet friends.

I just can't believe that all of you are single - from reading your posts, you all have so much to offer! Hang tight and plan some activities and hobbies, take some classes or join a gym... just get out so the other people who need to meet you can find you.

OK Karried, poker game, when and where?

Oh, I forgot about the girl from the sandwhich shop I go to for lunch, I'd get back to work and open my sandwhich and kept getting these little love letters in them, until one day I needed to know who was doing it so I went in and gave a girl my phone number and told her to give it to the writer of the letters, then the next time I go in I get a phone number written with the love letter, so I call, she asks me to meet her at her second job that night at the bar, so I go and we talk. As I am leaving she says, call me friday we can go out and do something, so I call no answers and no call backs. She tells me at the sandwhich shop the next time to meet her at her bar job for a car show one day, so I go and she completely ignores me and goes and talks to some other guys, I still go in for sandwhiches but I act like I dont care about her, until one day I was leaving the shop without saying a word to her, and she goes Bye, I just said, bye Heather and kept walking. That number went in the trash also :)

Hang tight and plan some activities and hobbies, take some classes or join a gym... just get out so the other people who need to meet you can find you.
Exactly Karrie. I have met more women this summer than ever before because I have been doing alot of things, even tho I dont get any second dates from them at least I am meeting them.

I think just getting out there and having fun without the high expectations ( and I know it's hard to do) is the way to meet people.


Easier said then done, espeacially when I have 2 kids and not enough moeny to make a good date besides staying in and haveing dinner and watching a movie, nor the time by end of work day and weekend. Another reason I am wanting to start as friends. Wow seems like I am a broken record, start as friends first then go from there. I should just copy and paste that line.

I've tried about every approach from the "let's be friends first" (which never works) to just asking some girl out I thought was cute and interesting and I can tell ya that for some reason it just seems like if you don't have an amazing body or are the "bad" boy you just don't get dates.

I always hear that "girls marry the good guys" but most of what I've seen so far is they just end up dating and marrying the ones that end up not being as good for them (lots of time leading to divorce in early 30s).

I guess call it a double-edged sword but what I can tell ya is that if you don't like going out to the clubs or go get completely wasted on a reliably basis it doesn't seem like you can find many out there that even respond.
Exactly.

I think just getting out there and having fun without the high expectations ( and I know it's hard to do) is the way to meet people.










My best relationship was started that way. I was in the military and we were friends from high school. We wrote letters and shared many phone conversations. Deep down we both knew liked each other but, we just took are time getting to know each other. The next thing I knew I was coming back to the city on leave to see family. I asked to her out and the rest was history. I knew her inside and out. It was so cool to know someone like that especially when your in love.



I was engaged to her for two years until I broke off the relationship. The relationship went south because her mother kept butting in to everything and she refused to stand up to her mother.



I think most mature single adults are like me. They want someone who lives in the adult world. A person, who can take care of themselves, has a reasonable income and support system that includes their own place, transportation etc, etc.



Most people like me want to be with someone who has a promising future. Not someone who they will spend more time coaching, coddling and reassuring more than anything else.

I think people should revert back the the 1950's and return to "courting" all this modern day romance crap is for the birds. :) I would LOVE for a guy to show up at my house with flowers and in a suit... where he wanted to really really impress me... and vice versa.

I think people should revert back the the 1950's and return to "courting" all this modern day romance crap is for the birds. :) I would LOVE for a guy to show up at my house with flowers and in a suit... where he wanted to really really impress me... and vice versa.
Now days instead of courting, it all ends up in court. :tweeted:

Now days instead of courting, it all ends up in court. :tweeted:
...Which means we are still "courting.":tiphat:

...Which means we are still "courting.":tiphat:
LOL, yah pretty much.

I think people should revert back the the 1950's and return to "courting" all this modern day romance crap is for the birds. :) I would LOVE for a guy to show up at my house with flowers and in a suit... where he wanted to really really impress me... and vice versa.

There is that "wow" factor that was mentioned. Sounds like you want to be really impressed with a guy rather than giveing him a chance. Would you start out as friends first Spookytourchick and then go from there?

Not that I want to actually be Impressed, Im more impressed with the intention of impression. Make sense?

If a dude showed up to my door wearing a wife beater tank, blue jeans and flip flops because we were going to the movie, I wouldnt be happy.

I just think people should care what they look like. Put a damn shirt on for one, comb your hair have a sense of pride for Gods Sake.

Men walk around these days like its a freaking "Chore" just to put shoes on.
Tuck in your shirt, it doesnt even have to be a mall shirt, just have some stinkin pride. and real men DONT wear "flip flops" unless they are at the lake or wading through water somewhere.

The whole starting out as friends thing, I havent touched your comments yet. You keep stating that. Isnt that what people do? Unless they whore out and sleep with them at the start.
You telling women you want to start out as friends... well, as a woman, I will just say it. It sounds like your afraid of commitment and you want benefits without the work.
Sorry, Im not telling you that you are wrong. But you may want to rethink the attitude a bit. If a guy came at me with that I would think first off He's Gay and wants to shop, or he's hiding something or like I posted above, he's afraid of commitment or "dating" in general.
These comments are not directed at you btw... so dont take them personally. This is just my opinion.

I would love for a guy to say "Hey, would you like to go on a date or two to get to know each other?"
thats what you call balls and for most of us women thats all we want... take that comment however you see fit ;)

You telling women you want to start out as friends... well, as a woman, I will just say it. It sounds like your afraid of commitment and you want benefits without the work.
;)
Well it's kinda like this, women usually freak out and run away when we guys tell them we have any feelings for them, thats why we are very gun shy about saying we want anything more than a freindship. I know I for one will wait for the woman next time to say she has feelings for me, then I know I can open up to her.

I like your courting idea. I think were all singles make a mistake is expecting something from a date.

You should never expect anything other than good conversation, a good meal, and a thank you.

When you meet someone speak up and ask them out. Don't ever build a friendship and spring on them later on by the way I like you as more than a friend. That just puts someone in uncomfortable position. Now not only do they have to figure out how to tell you no. They have to risk losing a friend. I don't know to many people that like to end friendships.


Fate and spontaneity are a guys best friends when you know how to make them work you will find someone.

I know this I learned this lesson the hard way.

In fact, the last woman I told I had feelings for her told me she wanted someone to love her so much it hurt, then when I told her I had feelings for her, she went running back to a guy who dumped her and slept with him, told me she did it because she did not want to have feelings for anyone and the sex with him was just sex and no feelings.

In fact, the last woman I told I had feelings for her told me she wanted someone to love her so much it hurt, then when I told her I had feelings for her, she went running back to a guy who dumped her and slept with him, told me she did it because she did not want to have feelings for anyone and the sex with him was just sex and no feelings.

I think were you messed up is telling her your raw feelings. Next time just show it.............just don't go crazy.

Ditto, Mariner, ditto.


I think we're seeing some of the results of the womens' movement of the 70's and 80's. Men who grew up in that era have been repeatedly bombarded with the sexual harassment stories...I think most people know some of those stories from their own work.

We know that if a man says anything to make a woman feel 'uncomfortable' he can loose his job or be sued or any number of things. The continuous sexual harrassment training, documentaries, news stories, etc. has changed us. That stuff has altered male behavior...made us complacent.

Maybe it's time for the ladies to start making the first move...it's much safer for them.

Ditto, Mariner, ditto.


I think we're seeing some of the results of the womens' movement of the 70's and 80's. Men who grew up in that era have been repeatedly bombarded with the sexual harassment stories...I think most people know some of those stories from their own work.

We know that if a man says anything to make a woman feel 'uncomfortable' he can loose his job or be sued or any number of things. The continuous sexual harrassment training, documentaries, news stories, etc. has changed us. That stuff has altered male behavior...made us complacent.

Maybe it's time for the ladies to start making the first move...it's much safer for them.


NO its not I think the current method fine. If you know to read body language and if you know how to maintain good eye contact. You can easily tell if your answer is yes or no without saying a word.

Ditto, Mariner, ditto.


I think we're seeing some of the results of the womens' movement of the 70's and 80's. Men who grew up in that era have been repeatedly bombarded with the sexual harassment stories...I think most people know some of those stories from their own work.

We know that if a man says anything to make a woman feel 'uncomfortable' he can loose his job or be sued or any number of things. The continuous sexual harrassment training, documentaries, news stories, etc. has changed us. That stuff has altered male behavior...made us complacent.

Maybe it's time for the ladies to start making the first move...it's much safer for them.
Exactly. I also think women need to be held more accountable for their actions, when they go out dirty dancing and a guy thinks he has a chance, they should not cry foul when the guy makes a move. This just happend around me, a girl went home with two guys and had sex with both of them, she cried rape the next day, the prosecuter in my city said her story did not sound right and let the guys go, now she is the one who should be charged with rape.

I think were you messed up is telling her your raw feelings. Next time just show it.............just don't go crazy.
You know, one thing about me is I dont show feelings right away. First of all I want a woman to feel safe and comfortable with me first and I will keep my distance until I know she feels safe. I even avoid really looking at her too much at first so she doesnt think I am gawking and being some kind of a wierdo. I go out of my way to make them feel "at home" around me and to show them they can trust me. I let them pick the place for a first date. But you know even with that, the last one actually asked me if I was going to hurt her, I about just told her to forget it then, that actually hurt me when she said that. If she is that worried then she should not be dating anyone.

Yikes. Some of these stories are nuts.

Oklacity75 is completely right. Doing the "friends first" routine is setting yourself up for failure. A girl will adjust her perception and decide nothin is going to happen, so she just sees the guys as friends...that's it. I can understand the intention of some of the folks on here, considering you're just now getting divorced, etc., but the LAST thing you need right now is to get wrapped up in a "potential" relationship with the opposite sex. It's not a good idea...can we say "rebound"?

A note regarding opening up with your feelings: make sure your siginificant other is feeling those same feelings before you lay it out there. Desperation is not an attractive quality. If it's only been a few weeks, guess what? You're really NOT in love with that person. You're in lust. It seems like it takes at least 2 or 3 months before you really get to know the other person, and you can't trust your initial feelings about that person until then. I don't see anything wrong with telling someone that you really enjoy their company and are pleased about the relationship, but just don't lay it on too thick.

Another note about feelings. I'm all about a guy being in touch with his sensitive side, but don't get too weepy or whiny about stuff when you first start seeing someone...it can be a little icky. That leads me to believe the guy is a bit of a titty-baby who isn't able to be strong when necessary. Oh, and PLEASE, no baby talk. that's just gross coming from a man, unless he's actually talking to a baby.

And Spooky is right, too. Take some freakin pride in yourself when you're going out on a date. First impressions! Yo complain about women wanting some sort of WOW factor? Look good for your date, and there's instant WOW factor. T-shirts don't cut it for a date...unless you're going to the lake. And if you're going to wear a t-shirt, make sure it's one that has SLEEVES. I take pride in my appearance and I expect my date to do the same. If he can't take the extra 10 minutes to plan on what he's going to wear when he goes out with me? forget it.

And Mariner, I think we need to ship all the Michigan women down here to hang with the Oklahoma men and vice versa. Sounds like the attitudes are misplaced in both places. :)

Okay...of the soapbox...for now.

Exactly. I also think women need to be held more accountable for their actions, when they go out dirty dancing and a guy thinks he has a chance, they should not cry foul when the guy makes a move. This just happend around me, a girl went home with two guys and had sex with both of them, she cried rape the next day, the prosecuter in my city said her story did not sound right and let the guys go, now she is the one who should be charged with rape.

Yep, when I was active duty, I had two airmen who worked for me....they got mixed up in the same deal...the young girl was married. Her guilt made her tell her husband, but she told him that she was raped....Later the other side of her guilt made her come clean...it wasn't rape, but one airman still got kicked out of the military and the other got demoted. Both blemished for life.

Anyone care to guess what happened to her?

Oh sure, it's easy to hit on chicks.......not!

I agree I don't think you can say you love someone until you have seen every side of them.

Which usually takes anywhere from a few months to a year. People tend to hide their true personalities from the people they are dating.

Ummm...do I dare point out the fact of how stupid it is for these guys to go home with a gal who's willing to "do" both of them? Never mind the fact that she was dirty dancing with both of them? DUH! Talk about short-sighted. And I wonder why women think men make decisions based on their crotches?

I can't believe you're trying to defend your "oh sure it's easy to hit on chicks.....not" argument with this story. Apparently, you might want to reconsider the kinds of gals you go after if that's your benchmark.

You know, one thing about me is I dont show feelings right away. First of all I want a woman to feel safe and comfortable with me first and I will keep my distance until I know she feels safe. I even avoid really looking at her too much at first so she doesnt think I am gawking and being some kind of a wierdo. I go out of my way to make them feel "at home" around me and to show them they can trust me. I let them pick the place for a first date. But you know even with that, the last one actually asked me if I was going to hurt her, I about just told her to forget it then, that actually hurt me when she said that. If she is that worried then she should not be dating anyone.

Hell, I'm not gonna hurt anybody. I sometimes wonder if I look like I might....it's the goatee ya know.

I'd play it slow too.

I am not trying to be rude or anything but, you guys need to stop looking at love and dating as if its some kind of unanswered scientific question.

All you need to do is relax and enjoy life. Focus on having a good time when it comes to love and dating. The rest will come naturally.

I am not trying to be rude or anything but, you guys need to stop looking at love and dating as if its some kind of unanswered scientific question.

All you need to do is relax and enjoy life. Focus on having a good time when it comes to love and dating. The rest will come naturally.

:congrats:

I can't believe you're trying to defend your "oh sure it's easy to hit on chicks.....not" argument with this story. Apparently, you might want to reconsider the kinds of gals you go after if that's your benchmark.

Girl, don't make me wrestle you.

It's not easy....I'm not looking for a woman who'll sleep with two guys at the same time, espeacially not for something serious. But you gotta know, you ladies can be COLD and ruthless.

Both those examples are of women who sent clear signals and then turned on the man in the worst of ways. We know not all women are like that but those can destroy a man for life. Do you know of any examples where a man has destroyed a woman for life? We have to go slow.

I believe God is the only thing capable of hamstringing a person. Everything short of God's will is left up to each individual’s actions.



What does not kill us makes us as stronger. It’s up to us to take action and learn from the tragedies we experience. We do nothing but set ourselves up for failure when we allow events or the actions of others to control us.



The events of Hurricane Katrina are living proof of that. Many are moving on with their lives and rebuilding. Others will take advantage of the graciousness from others and milk their bad experience with Hurricane for years to come.





The question you have to ask yourself is this. What I am doing to change my overall situation? For instance when it comes to dating are you broadening your horizons and seeking new haunts to find new prospects for romance?

I am not trying to be rude or anything but, you guys need to stop looking at love and dating as if its some kind of unanswered scientific question.

All you need to do is relax and enjoy life. Focus on having a good time when it comes to love and dating. The rest will come naturally.

We're just trying to find a way past the first introduction....that's a hurdle I can't seem to jump....in the bars anyway..........."Hi, I'm Leon........Uhhhhhhhhhhh, duhhhhhh, uhhhhhhhhhh, have a good evening."

That's my point! The first introductions can be easily handled if you are involved in an activity in which you are both interested and having fun.

Remember the old advice, ask questions. Act interested in the other person, don't say 'I' constantly unless she asks about you. People love to talk about themselves, ask the right questions to make them feel good about themselves...

The bar scene is usually a let down unless you are just going out to dance and have fun.

Wish I had the extra time to do that alot of times but until I get a job locally probably won't have enough time to get into many activity clubs / etc (and haven't seem many for my general interests yet).

One thing I've been wondering though is where is a good place to play some billiards as I have not found one yet and about only qualifier I have for the place is that they sell some sort of alcohol and it isn't super smoky. Any suggestions?

Ummm...do I dare point out the fact of how stupid it is for these guys to go home with a gal who's willing to "do" both of them? Never mind the fact that she was dirty dancing with both of them? DUH! Talk about short-sighted. And I wonder why women think men make decisions based on their crotches?

I can't believe you're trying to defend your "oh sure it's easy to hit on chicks.....not" argument with this story. Apparently, you might want to reconsider the kinds of gals you go after if that's your benchmark.
Oh, I was not trying to defend any argument with that story. And no I dont go after those kind of girls, I dont want any girl who just wants to hang out in the bar and party all the time, because they cant be trusted and yes the same goes for guys, if they like to hang out and party they cant be trusted either.

Y'know, just because someone likes to party sometimes, doesn't mean they:
1) are going to go home and screw 2 men and then cry foul, or
2) can't be trusted

Just because I like to go to the bar with friends sometimes does not make me some untrustworthy whore, thank you very much.

And my response was to Leon when he gave a similar story to yours and then said "oh sure it's easy to hit on chicks......not".

Y'know, just because someone likes to party sometimes, doesn't mean they:
1) are going to go home and screw 2 men and then cry foul, or
2) can't be trusted

Just because I like to go to the bar with friends sometimes does not make me some untrustworthy whore, thank you very much.

And my response was to Leon when he gave a similar story to yours and then said "oh sure it's easy to hit on chicks......not".
I know that doesnt mean they cant be trusted or are whores, I did not mean that at all. I like to party myself, but I wont just sleep with anyone either.

I think girls should have their night out to go out dancing with their friends, I never said any different.

I dont want any girl who just wants to hang out in the bar and party all the time, because they cant be trusted and yes the same goes for guys, if they like to hang out and party they cant be trusted either.

Guess I'm misunderstanding what this statement means.

Guess I'm misunderstanding what this statement means.
I think you did. I said the ones that party ALL the time, not sometime. People have to party once im awhile but not every night.