View Full Version : Are Good Manners Generational?



Karried
08-02-2005, 11:55 AM
I don't think manners are generational. Either you were raised to have respect for others, you learn to have it or someone teaches it to you the hard way ...

mranderson
08-02-2005, 11:59 AM
I don't think manners are generational. Either you were raised to have respect for others, you learn to have it or someone teaches it to you the hard way ...

That may be true, however, most of the kids today have no manners or respect. The point, however, is I should not be blasted because I will not accept the girls attitude with my concern. Some people would have gone back the next day, however, there WAS no next day. I was on a flight to Sacramento and I needed those glasses while I was there.

PUGalicious
08-02-2005, 12:27 PM
No one is forcing anyone to continue this discussion. Those who choose to continue are choosing to continue; they can cease to participate at any time.

What was challenged was what some would argue is skewed sense of responsibility, unreasonable expectations and irrational reasoning. Everyone has the right to shop where they want; however, at the point someone makes it public, they open themselves to comments, observations and criticisms by that same public.

When people find others' comments harsh, unfair, ignorant or prejudiced, they will respond. That's the discussion that's occured in this thread. To quote my grandma, "if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."

pdjr
08-02-2005, 04:32 PM
Lack of manners and discipline are ruining our culture. Many of my comtemporaries don't even know proper table manners. As I trudge through life and witness incidents like these, I thank my mom and dad and grandma and grandpa, etc. for the time they took to raise me properly ... after I silently curse about the numerous discipline "incidents' I endured. lol

Keith
08-02-2005, 06:21 PM
Lack of manners and discipline are ruining our culture. Many of my comtemporaries don't even know proper table manners. As I trudge through life and witness incidents like these, I thank my mom and dad and grandma and grandpa, etc. for the time they took to raise me properly ... after I silently curse about the numerous discipline "incidents' I endured. lol
I agree with you, wholeheartedly. It is really hard to tell at times if manners are generational or not, because I see bad manners from the young and the old.

Guys are the worst (sorry guys). I was also raised to have good manners, be polite, and be appreciative of things that were done for me. When I go through a crowd, trying to get somewhere, I always say "excuse me," instead of just running someone over. When I go to a restaurant and I am finishing a transaction, I always say, "thank you," because it is the right thing to say. What if the cashier doesn't say "thank you" to me? It's ok, because I did what was right and proper.

"Thank you,"... "please,"....."excuse me,"...."Have a good day,"......"your welcome,"...........

These are all great ways to show good manners.

Guys, take your hat off when you are inside a restaurant........open the door for your lady..........step outside to belch, not at the kitchen table........cussing doesn't make you look big>>it shows lack of intelligence and bad manners......Don't yell over other people just to get someone's attention.......I c o u l d go on and on, but I know there are many others that I am leaving out.

Ok, ladies......I have uncovered some of the guys' bad manners...so what about bad manners that ladies have?

Karried
08-02-2005, 07:17 PM
I think this is a great discussion. I spend a lot of time teaching my boys to respect others, open the doors for others, say please and thank you to clerks, waiters and waitresses when asking for items or ordering at a restaurant, using manners with friends, on and on. I try to teach them daily through actions and words.

I have seen many people old and young, rude and impolite. I have seen many people old and young, considerate and polite.

Every generation thinks they were raised better than the younger generation. I haven't found that to be true... sure kids change - sometimes for the worst and what is and isn't accepted every generation gets more complex by the minute.

mranderson
08-02-2005, 07:52 PM
When I was a kid, we would never think of addressing adults by their first names unless we were invited to do so. I was so invited three or four times. My dads business partner was Gary, not Mr. Bryant for example. However, I would never think of walking into my friends home and looking at his dad and saying "how 'ya doin' George." It was "how are you Mr. Kilgore." We were taught respect. I see young kids all the time who address me by my first name. I have been known to tell them "you will address me as Mr. Anderson, not ()." If I wanted them to address me by my first name, I would tell them to do so.

We would not challenge the wisdom of our elders. The young people today are very quick to challenge. I have been on this planet a lot longer, therefore I have seen more and have experienced more. Therefore, wisdom comes with age. When you get to the point you are older than me, then you can challenge me. Not until that time. And do not correct me.

Many people will interupt people. That is just flat rude. You want to interupt? Ask permission first. Let me finish. I extend that to you, then I deserve the same.

As Keith said. Excuse yourself. Thank me and I will tell you in my way "you are welcome." Do not TELL me. Ask me and say please. Do not flagelate in my presence, sneeze in my face, blow smoke in m face, or belch loudly in my presence. And yes. Remove your hat before you enter a building.

Yes. there are young people who are VERY polite and people of my generation that are VERY rude, however. it seems to me the younger they are the ruder they become... And I am sick of it.

PUGalicious
08-02-2005, 08:58 PM
And then there are some who believe the world revolves around them and that everyone around them should bow to their ego-driven need for recognition and "respect."

Respect is a two-way street. If you look at others (and other generations) with contempt, the same should be expected in return. The saying goes, "Treat others the way you want to be treated." It's not "only treat others with respect after they have first paid proper respect to you."

Another saying goes, "How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

There is no better standard of manners than the Golden Rule.

Karried
08-02-2005, 09:47 PM
We would not challenge the wisdom of our elders. The young people today are very quick to challenge. I have been on this planet a lot longer, therefore I have seen more and have experienced more. Therefore, wisdom comes with age. When you get to the point you are older than me, then you can challenge me. Not until that time. And do not correct me.



I hate to say anything since I'm younger than you but I have seen and
met a lot of ignorant people.

It didn't matter if they were 20 or 90 - they were just plain stupid.

So, I have to respectfully disagree that wisdom comes with age. Sometimes, the opposite can happen with people who are older, they become less open minded and accepting.

But manners are important - there is no doubt in my mind about that. :tiphat:

I do think respect has to be earned and given to be recipricated.

Okcbornandbred
08-02-2005, 09:50 PM
When I was a kid, we would never think of addressing adults by their first names unless we were invited to do so. I was so invited three or four times. My dads business partner was Gary, not Mr. Bryant for example. However, I would never think of walking into my friends home and looking at his dad and saying "how 'ya doin' George." It was "how are you Mr. Kilgore." We were taught respect. I see young kids all the time who address me by my first name. I have been known to tell them "you will address me as Mr. Anderson, not ()." If I wanted them to address me by my first name, I would tell them to do so.

We would not challenge the wisdom of our elders. The young people today are very quick to challenge. I have been on this planet a lot longer, therefore I have seen more and have experienced more. Therefore, wisdom comes with age. When you get to the point you are older than me, then you can challenge me. Not until that time. And do not correct me.

Many people will interupt people. That is just flat rude. You want to interupt? Ask permission first. Let me finish. I extend that to you, then I deserve the same.

As Keith said. Excuse yourself. Thank me and I will tell you in my way "you are welcome." Do not TELL me. Ask me and say please. Do not flagelate in my presence, sneeze in my face, blow smoke in m face, or belch loudly in my presence. And yes. Remove your hat before you enter a building.

Yes. there are young people who are VERY polite and people of my generation that are VERY rude, however. it seems to me the younger they are the ruder they become... And I am sick of it.

I too have a problem with calling other adults by their first name unless told to do so, but I don't think this is something only young people should practice. My mother doesn't address someone but their first name unless given permission to do so either. I guess it just depends on your own personal communication skills.

I disagree that wisdom comes with age. In my opinion, wisdom comes with life experience. I have known fourty year olds who are just as clueless as an eighteen year old. And it doesn't matter how long you have been on the planet, you can still be wrong. We all make mistakes although some don't like to admit it due to pride. I would rather someone correct me for a mistake rather than continue to present myself in an ignorant manner.

Interrupting is extremely rude. No argument for that.

Yet in my opinion I also find that the older people get the more they feel they are justified to be rude. Years donít earn respect. Respect earns respect. Do unto others as they do unto you. If you act arrogant, close-minded, or judgmental expect others to heap the same upon you.

PUGalicious
08-03-2005, 05:26 AM
I too have a problem with calling other adults by their first name unless told to do so, but I don't think this is something only young people should practice. My mother doesn't address someone but their first name unless given permission to do so either. I guess it just depends on your own personal communication skills.

I disagree that wisdom comes with age. In my opinion, wisdom comes with life experience. I have known fourty year olds who are just as clueless as an eighteen year old. And it doesn't matter how long you have been on the planet, you can still be wrong. We all make mistakes although some don't like to admit it due to pride. I would rather someone correct me for a mistake rather than continue to present myself in an ignorant manner.

Interrupting is extremely rude. No argument for that.

Yet in my opinion I also find that the older people get the more they feel they are justified to be rude. Years donít earn respect. Respect earns respect. Do unto others as they do unto you. If you act arrogant, close-minded, or judgmental expect others to heap the same upon you.
Well said.:tiphat: http://www.okctalk.com/images/Smailies%2001-28-08/congrats.gif

Shaggy
08-03-2005, 06:08 AM
I hate to say anything since I'm younger than you but I have seen and
met a lot of ignorant people.

It didn't matter if they were 20 or 90 - they were just plain stupid.

So, I have to respectfully disagree that wisdom comes with age. Sometimes, the opposite can happen with people who are older, they become less open minded and accepting.

But manners are important - there is no doubt in my mind about that. :tiphat:
I do think respect has to be earned and given to be recipricated.
I have to agree with you, Karried. Wisdom does not come with age, because I have also seen many old people that thought they knew everything, opened their mouth, and then made fools of themselves.

Respect? It is earned. The ones that don't get any of my respect are those that are know-it-alls, arrogant, egotistical, and can't accept when they are wrong.

karlanee
08-03-2005, 08:34 AM
I'm with Karried. Some of the rudest, crassest people I've encountered are of the "better" generation - those older than me. My children are much more polite and kind and thoughtful that most of the adults I know.

It is NOT generational - it's a matter of personality and the things we are taught. Do we care about others as much as or more than ourselves? Do we think about how our words and actions will affect others? These are the things we must remember. We are not the center of the universe. Regardless of how old we are.

mranderson
08-03-2005, 08:42 AM
I'm with Karried. Some of the rudest, crassest people I've encountered are of the "better" generation - those older than me. My children are much more polite and kind and thoughtful that most of the adults I know.

It is NOT generational - it's a matter of personality and the things we are taught. Do we care about others as much as or more than ourselves? Do we think about how our words and actions will affect others? These are the things we must remember. We are not the center of the universe. Regardless of how old we are.

I am not saying your children are not polite, they may be. I have never met them. However, I have yet to see a parent who did not say their kids were the most polite kids on the planet. Saying so while the kid inturpts the conversation, belches, runs through a crowd without saying "excuse me," and calling all the adults by their first names.

When I say generational, I mean parents, for the most part, will not teach their children manners and respect. It is not my job to teach someone elses children how to be polite. It is, however, the parents responsibility to teach them, and my right to expect respect and manners.

By the way. For those who have not been here long. This is why I use Mr. Anderson as my screen name.

jenbuggie
08-03-2005, 08:56 AM
As a child I was taught that you address people by whatever they introduce themselves as. "Hi Jen, I'm Mr...", then I would address that person as Mr... But, "Hi Jen, I'm Bob" I would then address that person as Bob. I consider myself very polite (too polite to people who don't deserve it, I think) and I have actually thanked my parents for teaching me manners...don't interrupt, don't chew with your mouth open NO MATTER WHAT, say please and thank you AND you're welcome. When I see kids with no noticealbe manners I think "Geez, these are the kind of people these kids are going to turn out to be."

sweetdaisy
08-03-2005, 09:46 AM
I am not saying your children are not polite, they may be. I have never met them. However, I have yet to see a parent who did not say their kids were the most polite kids on the planet. Saying so while the kid inturpts the conversation, belches, runs through a crowd without saying "excuse me," and calling all the adults by their first names.

When I say generational, I mean parents, for the most part, will not teach their children manners and respect. It is not my job to teach someone elses children how to be polite. It is, however, the parents responsibility to teach them, and my right to expect respect and manners.

By the way. For those who have not been here long. This is why I use Mr. Anderson as my screen name.

Mr Anderson, do you have children? If so, did you struggle with getting those free-willed human beings to be on their best behavior at all times without having to beat them within an inch of their lives? And if you did practice that sort of discipline, did you have to always look over your shoulder and worry about some nitwit yelling "child abuse" if you smacked your kid on the bottom for being out of control? I'm just curious. I think it's really easy for people to point fingers when they're only getting a snapshot in time of a person's life.

Another tidbit of wisdom that I've gained in my lifetime is that you must walk a mile in another's shoes before passing judgement.

mranderson
08-03-2005, 09:51 AM
I raised my nieces and helped raise some of their children.

I do not believe in spanking a child as there are better ways to disipline (that is another topic). I did it by example. Ie: when my niece would interupt, I would start interupting her. Finally, she got tired of it and asked me why I interupted her all the time. I replied "now you know how it feels, don't you?" To this day, she NEVER interupts anyone.

One does not have to be a parent to judge the bahavior of a child. Plus, I am one that does not "point fingers." I observe.

sweetdaisy
08-03-2005, 10:06 AM
I think your interruption technique is a great example and an effective way of teaching a child the importance of allowing someone to complete their thoughts before launching in.

However, I would disagree with your statement that you are not pointing fingers. Your posts are indicating that younger generations don't teach their kids manners, and is a gross generalization that is quite judgemental. Perhaps you didn't intend for your statements to sound that way, and I can appreciate that, however you've passed judgement on a whole generation by indicating they are not as good as those from the "golden" age. There are always going to be "bad seeds" everywhere, but it's disappointing to me to hear that you've concluded a whole generation is lacking b/c they have differing opinions of what children should or shouldn't do.

mranderson
08-03-2005, 10:07 AM
"So, I have to respectfully disagree that wisdom comes with age. Sometimes, the opposite can happen with people who are older, they become less open minded and accepting."

Have you heard the fable of the wise old Owl? Think about that, please.

PUGalicious
08-03-2005, 10:47 AM
There's a reason it's called a fable.

fa∑ble n.


A usually short narrative making an edifying or cautionary point and often employing as characters animals that speak and act like humans.
A story about legendary persons and exploits.
A falsehood; a lie.

sweetdaisy
08-03-2005, 11:17 AM
I do not subscribe to the idea that just because you are older you are wiser. I know many older folks who are the most opinionated and ignorant people I've ever met. And it makes me sick.

Those who are open-minded and tolerant to others, now THAT is true wisdom!

mranderson
08-03-2005, 11:21 AM
I do not subscribe to the idea that just because you are older you are wiser. I know many older folks who are the most opinionated and ignorant people I've ever met. And it makes me sick.

Those who are open-minded and tolerant to others, now THAT is true wisdom!

Wisdom is from experience. Experience is obtained by age. Hense the fable. It makes excellent reading. There are lessons to be learned by Aesop.

PUGalicious
08-03-2005, 11:22 AM
You only gain wisdom if you learn from the experience. Some people don't take as long to learn as others. And there are some who never learn at all.

PUGalicious
08-03-2005, 11:23 AM
And there are those who are wise in their own eyes.

sweetdaisy
08-03-2005, 12:16 PM
Wisdom is from experience. Experience is obtained by age. Hense the fable. It makes excellent reading. There are lessons to be learned by Aesop.

Experience is gained by experience. There are many younger people who have had more experiences than older folks. I'm sorry, but I will not buy into the fable of "older and wiser". People who think they are wiser than others just because they are older are kidding themselves.

But I would agree that Aesop had many a good lesson.

mranderson
08-03-2005, 12:25 PM
Experience is gained by experience. There are many younger people who have had more experiences than older folks. I'm sorry, but I will not buy into the fable of "older and wiser". People who think they are wiser than others just because they are older are kidding themselves.

But I would agree that Aesop had many a good lesson.

Experience is gained by age. Ask anyone over 50, and most will agree. The point is, I have seen more than a 25 year old (for example only), have had more life experience, and have done what they are doing now. Therefore, I am wise to what can happen as a result. Therefore, I am older, thus wiser because I have been there.

As one gets older, most learn this.

PUGalicious
08-03-2005, 12:34 PM
"Do you see a man wise in his own eyes?
There is more hope for a fool than for him."
óProverbs 26:12

MadMonk
08-03-2005, 03:04 PM
To me, wisdom must be demonstrated, not simply granted to someone because of their age. Some people simply go through life never learning from experience. Simple experience does not always develop into wisdom.

As for manners; its a daily effort to teach my kids manners but, they are getting pretty good at it. I'm still "treated" to the occasional belch at the table, but its becoming more of a rare event these days. :) Interrupting is becoming their biggest offence lately. Kids competing for attention tend to do that. ;)

ladyfalcon
08-03-2005, 05:02 PM
Lack of manners and discipline are ruining our culture. Many of my comtemporaries don't even know proper table manners. As I trudge through life and witness incidents like these, I thank my mom and dad and grandma and grandpa, etc. for the time they took to raise me properly ... after I silently curse about the numerous discipline "incidents' I endured. lol
Are you a native Oklahoman? I suffered from culture shock when I moved here.

sweetdaisy
08-03-2005, 05:04 PM
After viewing numerous posts today, I would say that age DEFINATELY does not equal wisdom.

Karried
08-03-2005, 05:14 PM
sweetdaisy, I'm with you - it's been a looonnnnng day.

Shaggy
08-03-2005, 09:34 PM
Gosh, Scribe sounds like MidTowner, the member that got permanently banned months ago. What he is replyng back to mranderson sounds just like what MidTowner would say.

pdjr
08-03-2005, 11:21 PM
Yet in my opinion I also find that the older people get the more they feel they are justified to be rude. Years donít earn respect. Respect earns respect. Do unto others as they do unto you. If you act arrogant, close-minded, or judgmental expect others to heap the same upon you.

As a child I unsuccessfully debated my parents about why I was disciplined for certain words or actions while great grandpa wasn't. I was reminded in short order of their expectations for my comportment. They admitted that certain behavior was aggregious, yet declined to concede that great grandpa's actions were worthy of such discipline.

PUGalicious
08-04-2005, 05:30 AM
Gosh, Scribe sounds like MidTowner, the member that got permanently banned months ago. What he is replyng back to mranderson sounds just like what MidTowner would say.

What are you saying? That we have similar viewpoints and reasoned comments, or are you implying that I am MidTowner reincarnated?

Shaggy
08-04-2005, 06:01 AM
What are you saying? That we have similar viewpoints and reasoned comments, or are you implying that I am MidTowner reincarnated?
A MidTowner reincarnate, but I won't tell the moderators. You are probably being watched.LOL

PUGalicious
08-04-2005, 06:27 AM
A MidTowner reincarnate, but I won't tell the moderators. You are probably being watched.LOL

I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted. However, it's not to be. I am not the infamous MidTowner, nor have I met or even know this person.

Additionally, I do not believe that I have done or said anything ó nor is it my intention to do anything ó that merits banishment.

I may bluntly and sharply challenge comments and ideas, but I will not attack someone personally. For some, it's difficult to separate criticism of a point-of-view from a personal attack. Calling someone's statement ignorant, foolish or absurd is not the same as calling that person a stupid moron; the latter is a personal attack, the former is a criticism of a viewpoint.

It's not my intention to insult, but to try to correct misperceptions and outright falsehoods so others won't buy into them as well.

Other than explaining myself, I don't know how to prove that I am not who others claim that I am.

:tiphat:

Karried
08-04-2005, 08:34 AM
Midtowner is very active on another board.. I doubt he makes the time to respond. I believe he was temporarily banned and then decided to leave on his own.

Dungeon Master
08-04-2005, 11:57 AM
What about passing gas? Is this a loss of Generational manners? Or a loss of something else? I mean when your a kid, it's funny. When your on a date it's not funny. When your getting revenge on a friend or brother or sister it is funny.
When you get older, it's just a way of life but to your grandkids, it's funny.
Oh, I'm confused.

mranderson
08-04-2005, 12:09 PM
What about passing gas? Is this a loss of Generational manners? Or a loss of something else? I mean when your a kid, it's funny. When your on a date it's not funny. When your getting revenge on a friend or brother or sister it is funny.
When you get older, it's just a way of life but to your grandkids, it's funny.
Oh, I'm confused.

Now THERE is a thread. Passing gas. True. Nothing is worse than passing gas (I mean a REAL loud one) while you are in a high end restaurant on that first date... Well, maybe during an victory speech after you are elected to pubilc office.


:LolLolLol

Keith
08-04-2005, 05:00 PM
Now THERE is a thread. Passing gas. True. Nothing is worse than passing gas (I mean a REAL loud one) while you are in a high end restaurant on that first date... Well, maybe during an victory speech after you are elected to pubilc office.


:LolLolLol
I remember years ago when I was a salesman, working for my dad. We went in to a grocery store, and was on one of the aisles straightening up our products that were on the shelf. Dad looked at me and said, "Keith, I really need to pass gas real bad, and it is gonna be real rank, so you may want to prepare ahead of time and go over to the next aisle."

So, I went over to the other aisle, and could have sworn I was at the airport. When he passed that gas, it sounded like a helicopter...ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp pppppp, almost like setting off a whole row of Black Cat firecrackers:Smiley078 . Shortly after, he came coming around the corner, laughing his head off. We proceeded to straighten items on the aisle we were on, when a couple of stockers from the store went over to the aisle we just came from.

One of the guys said," Oh my gosh, what is that smell? Something has died over here and must be decomposing.....get the manager, we need help:whiteflag . " So, shortly thereafter, the manager came over and was overcome by the odor. He had the two stockers start taking stuff off the shelves to see what had crawled up behind the shelf and died. My dad and I were laughing so hard, that we were crying:LolLolLol . We could not tell if our eyes were watering from laughing so hard, or if our eyes were watering from the odor. What a Kodak moment. Did we admit to what we did? No way...it was one of dad's best customers.

mranderson
08-04-2005, 05:03 PM
"We could not tell if our eyes were watering from laughing so hard..."

So am I... So am I:LolLolLol

sweetdaisy
08-04-2005, 05:12 PM
Now THAT was a funny story, Keith! :LolLolLol

Which brings me to the topic: Is it bad manners to find flatulence funny? Or is it just immaturity and poor behavior?

mranderson
08-04-2005, 05:23 PM
Now THAT was a funny story, Keith! :LolLolLol

Which brings me to the topic: Is it bad manners to find flatulence funny? Or is it just immaturity and poor behavior?

It depends on the people to whom you are directing the humor. I would not joke about it to a girlfriend I had not known long or in a serious political meeting.

workman45
08-04-2005, 08:21 PM
Good one Keith!

pdjr
08-04-2005, 08:49 PM
A choice story indeed, Keith.

My maternal grandfather particularly enjoyed asking my sister and me to pull his finger, much to the consternation of mom and dad. Crass humor and little kids go hand in hand. It was a little (and sometimes big and stinky) bond we had with Poppa. The best part was knowing that both mom and dad were utterly horrified at what was taking place. But he was Poppa. Mom would say "Dad!!!" and he'd shoot her a look I want to perfect (the smile but daggers). We'd giggle.

Now that I think about it, he never "pulled" that trick without mom in the room. Most of the time it was in private, but walking toward the front door of a restaurant was always fair game. I guess it was sweet payback for something awful she did as a child. He laughed harder than I did. Sis and I thought the fart was funny. I can only assume he enjoyed watching my mom's face turn red.