What is the funniest line or lines you have heard on television or in a movie?

One of mine comes from "My Cousin Vinny."

Vinny: ... The two yoots.

Judge: Tha' watt?, Watts a yoot?"

Vinny: The two youthhhhs."

From my favorite episode of Seinfeld:

(On the phone): "Would you like to order a subscription to the New York Times?"

(Jerry): "Yes!"

Jerry hangs up.

Tommy Lee Jones in Man of the House....

"This is my happy face."

Death: To Die, To Expire, To Push up Daisies, To Push Up Posies, etc.....

From Patch Adams.

I can't remember the exact order of the phrases.

Happy Gilmore: You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact!!

Three quotes from the Simpsons Co-Dependents Day Episode:

I'm in no condition to drive. Wait, I shouldn't listen to myself. I'm drunk!

You can't put me on hold, I'll put you on hold. :sings: I am a line man for the county. Your call is important to us, please continue to hold. And I drive the main road. There are 8 calls ahead of you. And the Wichita Lineman is still on the la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-liiiine!

Uh oh, here comes the Gospel according to puke.


All quotes of the world famous Homer Simpson.

LOVE the Simpsons. There are a ton of great lines from that show.

Another one from Seinfeld:

Kramer walks back into Jerry's apartment a few minutes after he left upon seeing a nude woman across the street:

"I'm out! I'm out of the contest!" -- to see who could hold off doing...you know...the longest.