View Full Version : Biggest turnoff



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Patrick
03-22-2005, 12:03 AM
If you're currently single, or if you're married think back to the time when you were single, what was the biggest turnoff when you went out on the first date? The answer to this question might help other fellow singles reading!

mranderson
03-22-2005, 07:10 AM
I actually have several. Women who cuss like a sailor. Smoking. Purfume and cologne. Not being told why she does not want to see me again. When se shows a picture in her personals ad, it turns me off to see guys in the picture. I do not want to date these guys. It is the woman I want to date. Plus, kids are good, I like kids. Just do not go overboard on pictures of the kids.

I like feminine women. Women who act like a lady, and cussing is not ladylike. When it comes out of the mouth of a woman, it is disguting. Yes, a few will slip. That happens to most of us, however, when every other word (it seems) is a vulgar slang term for sex, that really turns me off... Big time.

Smoking. I am offended by smoke. No matter who does it. I have dated very attractive women to find out they whip that cigerette and lighter out of their purse, and light up. I got up and left. I told them my feelings, but left. I will put this as mildly as I can. I think a woman with a cigerette hanging out of her mouth looks trashy. And cigars? You have GOT to be kidding.

I am highly allergic to purfume and cologne. Some, musk in particular, sends me into respritory arrest nearly. I am unable to breathe, I get lathargic, my eyes dry out, I sneeze, and am VERY uncomfortable. Yes. Most guys like this stuff. But do not automatically think the guy does. Be polite and ask in advance. Most smell alike to me... And not pleasent.

Not being told why she does not want to see me again. In other words, just ignoring me. The other person deserves to know why. If I am ugly to you, I am very sorry. I am not able to change that. If I am too overweight, I am working on that one. Chances are, she is a bit also. If it is a presonality conflict, the way I act, or anything like that, I deserve to know. How can you correct something if you do not know what is wrong? This also goes for personal ad sites. Do not give a canned response. Chances are it is a lie anyway. Be honest. Personally, I will accept "no" gracefully if you are kind enough to tell me truthfully. Otherwise, expect to be bambarded with email until you do. I know a lot of people do not want to hurt someones feelings, but they fail to realize not knowing the true reason why hurts more. Sometimes, a person must risk that hurt. It will heal over time. Not knowing does not.

There are probably more.

Midtowner
03-22-2005, 07:56 AM
Smoking, stupidity, ignorance, bad manners (don't want to be sitting accross the table from a Visigoth.

Rev. Bob
03-22-2005, 08:41 AM
Smoking, drinking, secular music, cussing, arrogance, snobbiness, women who want to use a man, women who think they're men or act like men- masculine behaviors, that includes women preachers and women who want to be football players!!!

mom2des_n_nate
03-22-2005, 09:06 AM
Let see here is a womans opinion, guys that try and shove their tongue down your throat right after you meet, guys that dip or decide to talk about their ex's or compair us to them.. Not a smart move.

Patrick
03-22-2005, 09:09 AM
Everything the others have said....

Also, women that want to have sex on the first date (actually for me, it would be before for marriage, but I'm a unique case!!!), women, who want heavy physical contact on the first date, anyone who discusses marriage on the first date, anyone who discusses their ex on the first date, unloading all of your baggage early on.

Karried
03-22-2005, 09:45 AM
Bad breath! Yellow teeth - in this day and age there is no reason why someone can't save a few bucks, go down to Walgreens and get some floss, Scope and Crest White Strips! It makes such a difference in confidence and makes people look younger... you don't have to have hollywood white smiles but at least get rid of some of the plaque before you talk to people! Yuk.

(We could never afford braces when I was young and I never did get them but I paid for dental work on my own to try to correct flaws - my teeth will never be perfectly straight but I try to keep them white and clean and visit the dentist regularly)

If you have bad teeth, it is the first thing anyone sees, not smiling to hide poor dental hygiene puts people off - then they think you are just an unhappy person. There are so many dental plans, if you are afraid, go to a dentist that puts you asleep or request laughing gas - nitrous.

There are no excuses, you may not think people notice a missing tooth, trust me they do! Instant turn off, right up there with nose hair blowing in the wind, spinach in your teeth and halitosis.
I'm not trying to be harsh, most people won't tell you the truth, but if you are wanting to date someone, it is so important to put your best foot Or tooth forward... yes it may seem shallow but we all know the type of world we live in. Once you have established a relationship these things might be looked over but unless you are dating Helen Keller - remember!

You don't get a second chance at a first impression!

El Gato Pollo Loco!!!
03-22-2005, 12:01 PM
Yeah that whole kicking the groin thing is a turn off too...especially if it was for no reason :P

Karried
03-22-2005, 12:06 PM
:LolLolLol - yeah that would be a big turn off in more ways than one! Ouch.

sweetdaisy
03-22-2005, 02:24 PM
This thread is so funny.

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and allow myself the chance to know them before I decide if I'm interested in pursing things further. The only time I've ever really been turned off by a date was when he lied to me about his past and thought it was funny. That wasn't cool.

Other than that, I enjoy digging in to find the beauty in the people I meet. There are not many things that I find grossly unattractive...except people standing in judgement of others.

Zoedith
03-26-2005, 01:22 PM
One word answers, inability to act like he's interested in what you're saying, judgments based on looks, treating wait staff rudely, cleaning his ears out, making me pay for everything (dutch is preferrable), and acting holier than thou, or getting caught up in dating games, to the point of not knowing its just a conversation reguardless of its topic......

Jay
03-26-2005, 06:34 PM
My biggest turnoff would have to be not being presentable for a date. I take the time to make myself presentable and dress for the occassion. I expect a woman to do the same.

Talking about the ex would come in a close second. I don't care about your ex or about your family. I want to know about you and you only. We can talk about the ex and the family if and when we make it serious.

I am also big on honesty. When I ask you something tell me what your thinking. Do not tell me what you think I want to hear.

Lastly, if your having a bad time.....speak up because chances are I am too.

I would rather take you home and call it a night.

I think if more people spoke thier mind while they were on a date fewer people would be single.

As Mr. Anderson stated in this and other topics on this matter. Some people are unaware of what thier doing wrong on a date. Therefore they need a few pointers to get it right.

nurfe75
03-26-2005, 07:12 PM
Barhoppers. Snobs. People who live with their parents. Anyone who wants sex on the first date. And I agree---talking about an ex on a first date is a guarantee there won't be a 2nd. I don't care about your darn ex.

sweetdaisy
03-28-2005, 09:53 AM
I've got a new one...strictly because of my weekend experiences. Being "in love" after 2 dates. That's a little icky.

mranderson
03-28-2005, 10:09 AM
Tattoos. Especially on women. I can handle a small tattoo on the ankle, breast or tush, but not large tattoos.

I can not stand tattos splattered all over anyones body. They look hidious.

Jay
03-28-2005, 11:06 AM
I've got a new one...strictly because of my weekend experiences. Being "in love" after 2 dates. That's a little icky.


I agree you can't fall in love with someone by choice. Love is something that happens naturally. You really can't truly love someone until you develop trust. For most people it takes at least two months before a real trust can begin.

The people that fall in love quickly are not in love with you. They are in love with being in love. Most people that fall in love easily have been a part of an abusive relationship. They were either the abuser or the victim.

The biggest lesson a single person has to learn is this. You can't find happiness in a relationship. You have to be with or with out a relationship. A love relationship should accent your life. It should not be a lifeline.

rxis
04-06-2005, 10:50 PM
What if the parents live with your date?

Jay
04-06-2005, 11:57 PM
That depends on the situation.



Is the person living with their parents because they are too lazy to leave the nest? If yes I would have to say no thank you. I think it's important to support yourself before you go looking for love. When you’re established you tend to be more discriminative in your tastes. You’re less likely to hook up with someone who is wrong for you.



The only way living with Mom and Dad is acceptable in my book is when your a student. Meaning you are somewhere between the ages 18-25. You’re not pushing 30 and changed your major 17 times.



I know some people out there that are doing quite well and are supporting themselves. They live with their parents as means of taking care of them because they are aging or sick. I see no problem with that.

mranderson
04-07-2005, 06:04 AM
Yes. It depends on why. If she is living with them because she "needs" them, then no. If it is financial or medical, then yes.

I had a yahoo contact not long ago who had been through an abusive marriage and moved in with her parents. She is 48. She has no car, no meaningful job, and what appears to be no life. Too much baggage for this dude. See, ya! (as the tires on his vehicle squeel and burns rubber)

soypreciosa
04-11-2005, 10:58 AM
Big turn off.......Men talking about what they have instead of who they are. Not impressed by your stereo that plays 60cds or if your car can go 0 to 60 in 3.2 seconds. I want to know what makes you laugh what type of food makes your mouth water, I want to know you.

Ms.Relaxationstation
04-20-2005, 10:56 AM
My biggest turn off is bad manners. How a person eats/chews their food is a big one with me. I don't care to see the food that you are enjoying much less hear you eating it. When we are going out in public to a resturant, be respectful to the wait staff and don't talk down to them. I'm sure I have another list somewhere in my brain but these are the most important ones.

Spookytourchick
04-20-2005, 09:02 PM
Biggest Turn offs for me..

Mullets
Drunkness
Drugs
Unemployed
Bling
Not having regualr visitation/custody of his child(ren)
Stereotypical men
"phat tires" or "spinners"
Not being able to speak proper English
Too much cologne
Men who go to the clubs all the time
Alcoholics
Sports (Its me... sorry, I like sports but I dont live for them)
Men who need therapy and deny it
Ego maniacs


I could go on and on... but then I would appear to be bitter.. Which Im not. I just dont date because of the men I have met in Oklahoma City... I like originality!

mranderson
04-20-2005, 09:24 PM
"phat tires" or "spinners"

What are these things?

Spookytourchick
04-21-2005, 05:46 AM
hahaha its those stupid looking tires people put on cars and pretty much ruin them... (Ghetto)

dirtrider73068
04-21-2005, 06:11 AM
Spinners are the rims that make the car to appear to be moving. The center of the rim spins while the car sits still. To me the are a waste of money.

Spookytourchick
04-21-2005, 07:53 AM
I agree... its just silly looking to me... and its not impressive.

Thats why its a turn off... its cool to have a nice car and all, but if your tires cost more than the cars value.. well.../ thats just silly.

mranderson
04-21-2005, 07:58 AM
Spinners are the rims that make the car to appear to be moving. The center of the rim spins while the car sits still. To me the are a waste of money.

To quote MacKenzie Phillips in "American Graffitti." "Gee, what a waste of machinery."

Keith
04-21-2005, 08:37 PM
Spinners are the rims that make the car to appear to be moving. The center of the rim spins while the car sits still. To me the are a waste of money.
I agree...it is a waste of money. I have to be careful, though, when I am stopped at a light and one of those vehicles with those funky rims pulls up next to me. I watch the rims turn, and for some reason...I get dizzy. But then, I get dizzy watching the dryer turn and turn and turn and turn. I think money spent on those rims could have been used for something else with a higher priority.

Do guys really try to pick up girls with these spinning rims?

Spookytourchick
04-21-2005, 08:53 PM
Yeah, I have guys with silly looking cars at stoplights talking to me I just look straight ahead, for one, Im older than they are, and I just think they are silly to spend thousands of dollars restoring a 1987 Monte Carlo...

Im 31 years old... being single in this state is almost torture!
Being a single parent makes it more difficult... Most men my age are having a pre-mid life crisis, living at the clubs "bangin" 20 year olds... Men in my age range.. (30 to 40ish) are very passive outside the bars... when they are sober... I dont waste my time going up and talking to strangers these days... men "snub" women thinking that will make them approach them... I consider it to be very rude.

Then, i have the older guys who ask me if I am "dominating".... DONT ASK WOMEN THAT!
Then.. I have 21 year old Frat boys who continue to call me "MILF" once they find out my age...

So, I have been single for about 4 years and have had 3 dates.
Im an attractive, smart and funny gal. Im pretty healthy, not overwieght and my only bad habit is smoking cigs...

Jay
04-24-2005, 12:19 AM
Yeah, I have guys with silly looking cars at stoplights talking to me I just look straight ahead, for one, Im older than they are, and I just think they are silly to spend thousands of dollars restoring a 1987 Monte Carlo...



Im 31 years old... being single in this state is almost torture!

Being a single parent makes it more difficult... Most men my age are having a pre-mid life crisis, living at the clubs "bangin" 20 year olds... Men in my age range.. (30 to 40ish) are very passive outside the bars... when they are sober... I dont waste my time going up and talking to strangers these days... men "snub" women thinking that will make them approach them... I consider it to be very rude.



Then, i have the older guys who ask me if I am "dominating".... DONT ASK WOMEN THAT!

Then.. I have 21 year old Frat boys who continue to call me "MILF" once they find out my age...



So, I have been single for about 4 years and have had 3 dates.

Im an attractive, smart and funny gal. Im pretty healthy, not overwieght and my only bad habit is smoking cigs...







I agree being single in this state is no picnic I have been single for six years. I have been on a few dates and nothing has led to anything. I think I am an exception to the rule on your theory of men in thier 30's.



I hate clubs especially the ones here in OKC. The club scene is a joke in OKC. Besides, I grew out of the drunk fest nights years ago.



I do not care to date the young girls. I work around a few of them at work and I am around even more of them in my college classes. They don't know what they want or who they want to be with. They just want to play until some loser knocks them up. Then they never hear from him again until its time for a child support hearing. Then you have the others who get serious with some loser that kicks the crap out of them on a daily basis. I chased the young girls when I was in my early to mid 20's and I grew out of it, as I got older.



As far as the snubbing is concerned, you can blame that on some of your fellow females. I was raised to be a gentleman, meaning you wished a woman good morning/evening, open doors and that sort of thing. With some women, I say as much a Hello and I get a harsh stare or they ignore me. I do not want your number, I am not in love you, and I am just being friendly. If I wanted your number and wanted to ask, you out I will be a man about it and start a conversation. If I feel the situation is appropriate I might ask for your number. If you say no that is fine. I will say good-bye and be on my way. I am not a stalker and I know the meaning of no. Besides, I would rather be around someone who enjoys my company.



I will admit I am not George Clooney in the looks departments. I do clean up well and I can have good time as long as my date is making an attempt at it. Sure, I may need to hit the gym to tone up but, overall I think I am an attractive person.





I do not ask for much I just want a woman who is a kid at heart but is an adult when its time to act like one.

Spookytourchick
04-24-2005, 08:06 AM
IM happy to hear that there is are a few guys in OKC that are an exception to my complaints... I wount say that ALL men are like that, just the mass majority of them.

There are a lot of "games" to be played... I refuse to play them and there is no way I will "tolerate" a person just because I want to date or get semi-lonely.

I was out at the Festival of the Arts yesterday with my girls, we had a great time.
We were walking behind a group of women who were dressed pretty tacky...and it was just too cold to be wearing what they had on.. But we stayed behind them a bit to make it to Sheridan Ave.. and men were (all kinds of men) staring at them like they were celebrities... yeah, they were super skinny & blonde... once we got to Sheridan they stood there a bit and I got a really good look at them, one woman looked like she was 50 dressed like a 20 year old, skin like leather and cracked & grey teeth... sign of a drug user, another girl was just unattractive in her face, looked like she just crawled out of bed or just finished up with a "John"... the other one were just harsh looking... not attractive and not at all "feminine"... so, not that im judgmental, Im sure they are very nice ladies who have a very positive attitude about thier bodies and self image *ahem*.. anyway... Men were going insane over these women, even men that had women with them or pushing baby strollers were googling over these women... even "yuppie" types were gawking! and no it was a oh "she's hot" look...

do men really look at womens faces? Even my 10 year old said something about it. She said "Eww Mom, those ladies look like hookers"
I just told her , "Yes they do, and dont ever dress like that"

Seriously, I see it all the time the main 2 things that make men stop traffic is "Super skinny and Blonde"... is that all men look for?

Im far from fat... I am thin, but I have curves and Im shaped like a woman, not a 12 year old BOY... I am not blonde obviously... lol

Its not a competition thing at all, im very comfortable with myself... Im

just curious to what the thing is with the sleazy blondes that need to eat a sandwich from time to time... Do men have this "Pretty WOman Syndrome" where they want to save the girls of OKC that could possibly have drug problems or just retired from S.Robinson? I dotn get it...
Another thing... seeing what I consider "average looking" or even "very attractive" guys gawk over these women is a HUGE turn off for me...
Makes me wanna vomit a little!!! Blah!!

Karried
04-24-2005, 08:47 AM
Yeah, we do live in a superficial society.. no doubt about it. Here is my take on being single in this city or any other city. Barhopping and single scenes leave a lot to be desired. I think it is imperative and I'm serious about this, single people need to be at places where others share their interests.

Try some volunteer work - many places would love to have people volunteer at their establishments and wouldn't you want to meet someone who is a volunteer for a cause you believe in as well?

Do the Big Brother/Sister thing, join a gym, take some college courses, enrichment classes, art classes, hiking club, walking club, bicycling, CPR, poetry, join some committees, start a club, anything that you would like to learn or do, because even if you don't meet someone, you are having fun and learning and living. And, in the process, you might just meet someone who loves what you love and you share some things in common.

Your 'soul mate' won't find you if you are sitting on your couch - get out there....takes about a hundred no's to hear the one yes so don't give up - there are a lot of people wishing they could meet someone like you - give them the opportunity.

Spookytourchick
04-24-2005, 09:43 AM
No, I agree %100 with surrounding yourself with people with similar interests... I can do nothing but agree...

Im not making excuses... I am a single mom of 2...I work full time and I am working on starting a small business to make extra money. (working pays the bills) I dont have time to spare to volunteer, that would take away from family time, which I dont have a lot of anyway.
Taking college course/classes costs money. I dont have that.
Joining clubs, not sure what I would do, but Im sure it would cost money... Im not really into scuba diving or making pottery.
Taking 2 kids to poetry night is not a good thing. We go to parks and family friendly "events" here in OKC... I use the word "we" a lot because yeah, i have 2 kids.

If I was flying solo im sure i wouldnt have any problems or concerns with my "social life"... its easy when you are alone to do things that are considered fun.

Thanks for the advice... like I mentioned I know these things its just not an option for me at this time to stop life and mainly think about "me"... In a real world I would love to do that, just raising 2 kids alone its just not going to happen, I wish yes, but reality is that no, its not that easy. Im not being negative or anything so please dont think that :) Im living life the best that I can, without "help", so for me to just go with the flow or to think of myself first is just not the right thing to do... and yes, I will whine a lot about it, but everyone whines from time to time.

Karried
04-24-2005, 04:31 PM
Yeah, I hear you spookytourchick... I have two boys so I know all about boycotting things like poetry ... well, I do hope you find someone to share some quality time with and meet someone special. There used to be an organization called Parents without Partners ( and there are a lot of them) so maybe something like that might work.

Okay, what about free events like at the library or biking or hiking? I just saw the cutest movie at the dollar theatre on May - NorthPark Mall - it was Are we There Yet? I laughed so hard and it is a nice movie for single parents ( although be warned - there is a sad part where the dad has a new family so that might not be something the kids are ready for) but other than that, it was so sweet and really funny.

Maybe we should start a thread about fun FREE things to do in OK? I think I will do that....

I wish you well.....

mranderson
04-24-2005, 05:08 PM
To add what karried just said.

Last night, after we left Ted's Thumper (she joined us, so in posts, she's Thumper) and I saw "Because of Winn-Dixie,' at Northpark. It too was a nice, family movie. And it only ran 1.50 each plus popcorn and drinks.

Curt
04-24-2005, 07:41 PM
Snobbish women, smokers, dirty dancing with another guy when they are out with you, getting up to go to the restroom and not comming back, talking on their cell phone when they are with you......I can probably think of a hundred more things......women that tease and when you come on to them tell you they were only kidding.

Spookytourchick
04-24-2005, 08:02 PM
mariner62 , what you wrote... thats just rude for anyone to do those types of things, much less a "date"? Yikes! thats just wrong... :(

I am trying to get out more, really I am... Im sure I will meet someone one of these days. Im not "typical" so I seek someone like me. Im wanting to host a "Singles Tour" this summer... it should be fun.

Shakes'the Park starts up soon, thats always a favorite thing for me to do with my girls (or when they are gone) thats if I am prepared to fight off the june bugs :)

Curt
04-25-2005, 04:30 AM
mariner62 , what you wrote... thats just rude for anyone to do those types of things, much less a "date"? Yikes! thats just wrong... :(

I am trying to get out more, really I am... Im sure I will meet someone one of these days. Im not "typical" so I seek someone like me. Im wanting to host a "Singles Tour" this summer... it should be fun.

Shakes'the Park starts up soon, thats always a favorite thing for me to do with my girls (or when they are gone) thats if I am prepared to fight off the june bugs :)

Well...I am just speaking from experience, I have had some of these things happen to me. The singles tour sounds interesting and like a good idea, I may just have to fly down :)

sweetdaisy
04-25-2005, 11:32 AM
Im 31 years old... being single in this state is almost torture!
Being a single parent makes it more difficult... Most men my age are having a pre-mid life crisis, living at the clubs "bangin" 20 year olds... Men in my age range.. (30 to 40ish) are very passive outside the bars... when they are sober... I dont waste my time going up and talking to strangers these days... men "snub" women thinking that will make them approach them... I consider it to be very rude.

Then, i have the older guys who ask me if I am "dominating".... DONT ASK WOMEN THAT!
Then.. I have 21 year old Frat boys who continue to call me "MILF" once they find out my age...

So, I have been single for about 4 years and have had 3 dates.
Im an attractive, smart and funny gal. Im pretty healthy, not overwieght and my only bad habit is smoking cigs...

AMEN, sister! I've been back here for almost a year, and have had 2 dates...both of which were disappointing. I've started asking some of my married male friends "what's wrong with me?" I don't even have children, so no one can use that for an excuse.

Unfortunately, the only men that hit on me are MARRRIED, which I have already listed as a major turnoff (I know that comes as a surprise!) :LolLolLol

Any recommendations from you 30 somethings out there who may have been successful in finding some good dates or places to hang out to meet the opposite sex?

Spookytourchick
04-25-2005, 11:49 AM
Im so glad im not alone here on this! I mean it stinks that we are in this rut, but I too have asked "Whats wrong with me".... well, there is NOTHING wrong with us... (at least I keep telling myself that, and you arent going to look in the trunk of my car are ya? lol)
seriously.. I have tried Online dating a bit... didnt work.. Im still listed a few places and why are all single men resemble serial killers?

I think the city needs to start organizing and screening people and host "dances", yes I said dances... where people actually DANCE and not have forplay on the dance floor, women should dress like ladies and men should dress nice and BLING and Mulletts are NOTin the dresscode.. also, No BOOZe... I like to drink socially, hell I get drunk ever now & then... but meeting people while drinking is just a BAD idea...
So, as a single woman... I am compelled to host on my own some type of "singles dance" for people over the age of 30...
Where there is Food and great music... you know music where you do the "cabbage patch" to! :)

Maybe I will find someone to date if I pack banquet halls with single people.... :)
If not, its allowing others to possibly meet someone to spend time with, date or talk to.



(sorry, i was brainstorming.... I verbally vomit a lot.... oops! :( )

But yeah, I agree! ;)

Curt
04-25-2005, 02:47 PM
Nothing is wrong with either of you ladies, it is the guys, men are pigs, most men are and that gives the guys like me a bad rap. I ask my self, what is wrong with me? seems like all women like around here are bad boys, and guys that treat them like crap, I have treid being nice, and tried being an ass, neither way works for me, so I am just as confused. Married men dont care, if they think they can get in your pants, they will hit on you, and likewise, most guys dont care if a woman is married, as long as they are getting a peice. they dont care.

Spookytourchick
04-25-2005, 05:42 PM
Being yourself works best... so im told... but from me Im not sure I would take that advice... I feel we all agree that we have no idea how to be "single" these days.

I dont like bad boys, I used to... I havent met many rehabilitated "bad boys" that would be ideal of course.. not ex-cons, just people who have been there and done that like myself...

Im not good enough for guys in higer tax brackets (which would be pretty much everyone else) because they think Im a gold digger because I drive a 10 year old car.

I went on a date once with this professor at OCU and he was the most boring person in the world to me... he was smart but was a total idiot when it came to having social skills or even common sense... he told me (to my face) he was looking for a woman who was not "high maintenance" hence the interest in "me" he wants an "average girl" blah blah blah.... so after 10seconds of being totally offended I asked him to loan me $400 so I could buy some things... needless to say he didnt like the comment, I left and I totally avoided a second date from him... because he was all "sure/confident" that he was doing good by taking a "regular girl" for coffee & dessert... On the way out I told him he was boring and that my gay-dar went off on him the moment I met him... he can take that to his economics class and figure it out... :)

That was a fun day! Hope I never have to do it again...

Keith
04-25-2005, 07:58 PM
Being yourself works best... so im told... but from me Im not sure I would take that advice... I feel we all agree that we have no idea how to be "single" these days.

I dont like bad boys, I used to... I havent met many rehabilitated "bad boys" that would be ideal of course.. not ex-cons, just people who have been there and done that like myself...

Im not good enough for guys in higer tax brackets (which would be pretty much everyone else) because they think Im a gold digger because I drive a 10 year old car.

I went on a date once with this professor at OCU and he was the most boring person in the world to me... he was smart but was a total idiot when it came to having social skills or even common sense... he told me (to my face) he was looking for a woman who was not "high maintenance" hence the interest in "me" he wants an "average girl" blah blah blah.... so after 10seconds of being totally offended I asked him to loan me $400 so I could buy some things... needless to say he didnt like the comment, I left and I totally avoided a second date from him... because he was all "sure/confident" that he was doing good by taking a "regular girl" for coffee & dessert... On the way out I told him he was boring and that my gay-dar went off on him the moment I met him... he can take that to his economics class and figure it out... :)

That was a fun day! Hope I never have to do it again...
There was one thing I learned in my early days when I was dating.....an intellectual person dating an average person=disaster. You try to find things in common to talk about, and it just isn't there. I've been there....and I am just a normal, average, common, man. If I weren't married, I would look for an average lady, because I don't need a high society lady to make me feel good.

Be yourself, and you will eventually find the man who will sweep you off your feet. I am so fortunate that I don't have to deal with the "single" issue anymore, however, I do feel for those who are, and are looking for the right person. One thing you have to get from the other person in order for a relationship to last is...:respect:

sweetdaisy
04-27-2005, 07:53 AM
Mariner62, I'm sorry to hear you think "bad" guys out there give all men a bad name. Personally, I do not subscribe to the "men are pigs" theory. I know there are some real jerks out there, but all in all, I think people shape up when they meet the right person. I've known people of both sexes that treat their dates like garbage, but as soon as they find the right person for them, they are angels. I really try to be open minded anytime I meet someone...and make decisions based on what I think about the individual.

I only have the "what's wrong with me" doubts when I'm feeling particularly lonely, mostly b/c my friends, family, and I can't figure out why I'm still single. I just have faith that the right man hasn't come along yet, and try not to let it get to me.

In the meantime, I revel in my ability to flirt whenever I want and do whatever I want whenever the mood strikes. That is a really great thing about singledom. I can lazy around in my jammies all day and watch old movies if I want to. My kitties sure don't care! :) And I never have to worry that "being myself" is unacceptable.

Curt
04-27-2005, 09:31 AM
Mariner62, I'm sorry to hear you think "bad" guys out there give all men a bad name. Personally, I do not subscribe to the "men are pigs" theory. I know there are some real jerks out there, but all in all, I think people shape up when they meet the right person. I've known people of both sexes that treat their dates like garbage, but as soon as they find the right person for them, they are angels. I really try to be open minded anytime I meet someone...and make decisions based on what I think about the individual.

I only have the "what's wrong with me" doubts when I'm feeling particularly lonely, mostly b/c my friends, family, and I can't figure out why I'm still single. I just have faith that the right man hasn't come along yet, and try not to let it get to me.

In the meantime, I revel in my ability to flirt whenever I want and do whatever I want whenever the mood strikes. That is a really great thing about singledom. I can lazy around in my jammies all day and watch old movies if I want to. My kitties sure don't care! :) And I never have to worry that "being myself" is unacceptable.




It is kinda like this......every time im my life, when I have told a woman my feelings, it seems to make them run. In the movie "Hitch" with Will Smith for instance, in the beginning scenes when he is always telling his girlfreind how much he loves her, she runs to a "badboy" who just uses her for sex, in real life, I have seen that happen a few times with not only me, buy freinds as well. My ex girlfreind left me for a guy she used to know that treated her bad, another girl I know, told me how much this other guy hurt her so much and how much she liked me, but then e mailed him again and they ended up seeing each other again and yes having sex, even though he hurt her and he is engaged himself, she knows he just used her, but she went running back to him anyway and told me she runs from me because I do have feelings for her and she slept with him so I would stop talking to her, WTF. Now, try to understand my confusion here, I am afraid to have feelings for anyone anymore and show those feelings until they show me first. I am a good guy and would give the moon and stars to any woman that was willing to love me back as much as I do them. By the way, I think that is very sexy for a woman to lay around all day in her jammies :).

sweetdaisy
04-27-2005, 09:58 AM
See? Women are just as bad as men in relationships. I think it all boils down to fear and lack of self-confidence. Fear of trusting someone deeply enough to be in a real relationship and to be honest and open. And basically, many people don't feel they deserve to be treated with respect. SIGH! It's all so very pathetic.

Isn't it sad how much easier it is for people to treat each other badly than to treat one another with love and respect?

Uh oh...better stop now. I feel some psychological theorizing coming on...

Jammies on the weekend is COOL!!!!

Curt
04-27-2005, 10:01 AM
See? Women are just as bad as men in relationships. I think it all boils down to fear and lack of self-confidence. Fear of trusting someone deeply enough to be in a real relationship and to be honest and open. And basically, many people don't feel they deserve to be treated with respect. SIGH! It's all so very pathetic.

Isn't it sad how much easier it is for people to treat each other badly than to treat one another with love and respect?

Uh oh...better stop now. I feel some psychological theorizing coming on...

Jammies on the weekend is COOL!!!!


It is sad the way people treat each other, taking someones feelings for granted and messing with their emotions is not cool. Laying around in your jammies and being yourself is :) That is what I like in a woman, being herself, no makeup, burping, whatever, just be yourself around me.

Spookytourchick
04-27-2005, 10:02 AM
Honest question here... and please dont take offense... but do you try to find out about these girls past relationships (not details) before you form a relationship with them?

Also, how old are these girls you are dating? I have friends that are mid 20's and you just described them to the "T"....

That stinks for you, but not all women like to be treated like dogs or be disrespected...
If they stayed with a guy who treated them bad (on and off) then RUN from them...
If they proudly ditched the guys who treated them bad or overall avoided a "relationship" because of the potential "bad guy" pattern then you should be open to those types of women... its not offensive to dip into questions like that... I personally would prefer a man to ask these types of questions (and vice versa) before hand... before a relationship starts to build...

I settle for no "drama" and I never will... thats probably why im single, dateless and most of the time enjoying it... because I decided a long time ago that sometimes patience is not required and people will not change or have not changed no matter how much they claim it... My sister is the type of person who is "afraid to be alone"... therefore she dates "bad boys" who treat her like a 2-bit whore... because of her insecurities she deals with the "drama" they create... its all about finding people who know for a fact who they are, what they want to be.... If i meet a guy who shows signs that he is still in need of overall life training... I stay the hell away from him... I am my daughters mother and Im not into giving guys "life make-overs" just to have a freakin "boyfriend"... not worth it to me.

sweetdaisy
04-27-2005, 10:07 AM
Virtual high-five to you, spookytourchick!

Men who need another mother can bite me! HA HA HA HA!!!!

Curt
04-27-2005, 10:07 AM
I do try to find out what they had in the past, yes. My ex was older than me, the last two have been in their '30's, and still game players. I dont do games. The women up here are all into money and social status. I have neither so therefore up here I lose. But I do have a big heart, but here they just want something else big and dont care about feelings.

sweetdaisy
04-27-2005, 10:09 AM
I do try to find out what they had in the past, yes. My ex was older than me, the last two have been in their '30's, and still game players. I dont do games. The women up here are all into money and social status. I have neither so therefore up here I lose. But I do have a big heart, but here they just want something else big and dont care about feelings.

Up here? Where are you?

Curt
04-27-2005, 10:09 AM
Virtual high-five to you, spookytourchick!

Men who need another mother can bite me! HA HA HA HA!!!!



I agree with both of you. I let mommy go years ago.

Curt
04-27-2005, 10:11 AM
Up here? Where are you?
Dearborn, Michigan...next to Detroit

Curt
04-27-2005, 10:17 AM
Back to work time here. If I ever get back down that way the three of us need to hook up and have a drink and tell dating horror stories.

sweetdaisy
04-27-2005, 10:19 AM
I just moved back from Ann Arbor...I know the area well. :) I was wondering why you had all the pictures from Mackinac.

Spookytourchick
04-27-2005, 10:21 AM
Yeah, that would be entertaining lol I will bring the tape recorder and write a real life "nazi-dating" book :)

suzi
04-27-2005, 12:05 PM
Playing head games, what a waste of time not to mention childish.

Curt
04-27-2005, 12:06 PM
Playing head games, what a waste of time not to mention childish.



Sooooooo true my friend.

dirtrider73068
04-27-2005, 04:08 PM
It is kinda like this......every time im my life, when I have told a woman my feelings, it seems to make them run. In the movie "Hitch" with Will Smith for instance, in the beginning scenes when he is always telling his girlfreind how much he loves her, she runs to a "badboy" who just uses her for sex, in real life, I have seen that happen a few times with not only me, buy freinds as well. My ex girlfreind left me for a guy she used to know that treated her bad, another girl I know, told me how much this other guy hurt her so much and how much she liked me, but then e mailed him again and they ended up seeing each other again and yes having sex, even though he hurt her and he is engaged himself, she knows he just used her, but she went running back to him anyway and told me she runs from me because I do have feelings for her and she slept with him so I would stop talking to her, WTF. Now, try to understand my confusion here, I am afraid to have feelings for anyone anymore and show those feelings until they show me first. I am a good guy and would give the moon and stars to any woman that was willing to love me back as much as I do them. By the way, I think that is very sexy for a woman to lay around all day in her jammies :).

Amen Brother,
I feel the same way, I am in that spot now were in rough times of the marriage hadn't had a break from each other or a break at all and in a slump. She cheats on me with a lair himself and he lies to her but she still talks and lives with him instead of me. What is the deal? I was always nice to her never ever lied to her, but she ditched me for him. It does not make a guy feel any better about hisself when a (lady) does things like this. It makes me not want anyone or be around anybody cause I can't trust people, that is the problem. I have told my woman that I loved her and liked what she did for me, I would do whatever she wanted me to but she still did this to me. I still can't even get the point across why I get upset or get scared or depressed sometimes. Alot of it is the ways people were raised in the family is what I think it is now days.

Curt
04-27-2005, 07:52 PM
Amen Brother,
I feel the same way, I am in that spot now were in rough times of the marriage hadn't had a break from each other or a break at all and in a slump. She cheats on me with a lair himself and he lies to her but she still talks and lives with him instead of me. What is the deal? I was always nice to her never ever lied to her, but she ditched me for him. It does not make a guy feel any better about hisself when a (lady) does things like this. It makes me not want anyone or be around anybody cause I can't trust people, that is the problem. I have told my woman that I loved her and liked what she did for me, I would do whatever she wanted me to but she still did this to me. I still can't even get the point across why I get upset or get scared or depressed sometimes. Alot of it is the ways people were raised in the family is what I think it is now days.


Plain and simple, and I dont like it. But thesedays women dont want to hear all the I love you stuff, I think it makes them feel tied down too much.