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blui25
01-27-2010, 12:49 PM
I just want to start off and say, yes I am single, and yes I am overweight, something I have struggles with most of my life. I am working really hard at changing my life with my new diet and exercise. My question to the general public, is are there really guys who date bigger girls? I keep finding these guys that have the same ole excuses, "my friends would think I was crazy," "being fat means your lazy and gross". "i want to date someone pretty". I am just wondering if there are guys out there that truly get to know a girl and make their decisions based on that? I know being overweight is unattractive and trust me If I could go by 24 years and start eating habits over again, I would. But I can't do that so I am a 26 year old white female, with a great job, a nice car, a great place to live, and a ton to offer with no baggage but can't find a guy willing to look past the stereotypes overweight people are put into and get to know me.
I just want the honest opinions from people. Have a great day!

JJ

fuzzytoad
01-27-2010, 02:22 PM
yes, there are really guys who date BBWs.

Yes, some of us truly get to know a girl.

Overweight doesn't automatically = unattractive, sometimes, it = very attractive, just depends..


Now,if you smell bad, or have oozing sores or a 3rd eye, that's another story. :ohno:

PennyQuilts
01-27-2010, 02:41 PM
A lot of guys that I have known are pretty competitive and it means a lot to them to "show off" a physically attractive girlfriend. It is an added burden on the overweight.

My experience is that some guys can get past it but you simply aren't going to have the choices that a skinny gal is going to have, superficial as all that is. When I was in my thirties, I lost a ton of weight - couldn't keep it on. Got down to 96 pounds when I should have been about 115. Men would not leave me alone. Honestly, it was freaking me out. When I hit 125 pounds, even when I was young, I could walk down the street without being bothered. Go figure.

Those were the days, baby! Long ago.

Bostonfan
01-27-2010, 04:35 PM
A lot of guys that I have known are pretty competitive and it means a lot to them to "show off" a physically attractive girlfriend. It is an added burden on the overweight.

My experience is that some guys can get past it but you simply aren't going to have the choices that a skinny gal is going to have, superficial as all that is. When I was in my thirties, I lost a ton of weight - couldn't keep it on. Got down to 96 pounds when I should have been about 115. Men would not leave me alone. Honestly, it was freaking me out. When I hit 125 pounds, even when I was young, I could walk down the street without being bothered. Go figure.

Those were the days, baby! Long ago.

Was this supposed to be some cruel joke toward Blui25?

nik4411
01-27-2010, 04:38 PM
no it wasn't

PennyQuilts
01-27-2010, 04:46 PM
It sure wasn't. It was talking woman to woman. What in the world would make you think it was a joke?

Bostonfan
01-27-2010, 05:18 PM
Ok, my bad. Your comments about you weighing 96 then 125 just seemed very strange to me.

PennyQuilts
01-27-2010, 05:56 PM
I had some health thing going on - couldn't keep on weight but actually, felt pretty good. The 96 pounds (dropped down from about 122 - 125) came over about a 6 month period. Creeping back up to 125+ took about four years. I haven't seen 125 in ten years, sadly...

125 is not a bad weight for someone my size and it would be great for someone my age. (although I felt better when I was ten pounds lighter than that). But even at age 25, the male attention I received at 120 - 125 pounds was nil compared to the attention (unwanted for the most part) that came when I weighed less than 100 pounds at age 34. You could see my bones. Weight seems to be a big deal to men. My "sisters" report the same thing. And let's be real - 125 pounds is NOT a big girl but it made a difference.

TaoMaas
01-28-2010, 05:24 AM
My question to the general public, is are there really guys who date bigger girls? Yes, there are guys who date bigger girls, but they're kinda hard to find sometimes.


I keep finding these guys that have the same ole excuses, "my friends would think I was crazy"...

And that's the #1 reason why more guys don't date bigger girls...they're worried about what their friends might think. A number of my friends would fit into this category, btw. They think it would somehow lessen them if they dated a bigger woman. Why? Beats me. None of them are exactly George Clooney, so the net result is that they end up not dating much. It's always cracked me up that they think the woman they date is a reflection on them, but showing to all the parties alone for years still lets them somehow be "cool". LOL Go figure.

ddavidson8
01-28-2010, 06:23 AM
I know I'll get flamed, but it seems to me that the weight thing is more of a problem for white men. Black men (sorry, but I've seen it several times) don't seem to have a problem with it. Mind you, I'm talking about black guys who look like they take very good care of themselves and aren't overweight. Just my 2 cents. Flame away.

USG '60
01-28-2010, 08:00 AM
It is more than likely, and to me appropriate, that the guy will be bigger than you. Organic mates, ya know.

kevinpate
01-28-2010, 08:05 AM
I know I'll get flamed, but it seems to me that the weight thing is more of a problem for white men. Black men (sorry, but I've seen it several times) don't seem to have a problem with it. Mind you, I'm talking about black guys who look like they take very good care of themselves and aren't overweight. Just my 2 cents. Flame away.

That's a reasonable observation, and not new. I know it dates back, at least, to the early 70's.

PennyQuilts
01-28-2010, 08:40 AM
I've read a number of novels and poetry celebrating the "traditional" African lady build, which is larger. Most are complimentary, which I appreciate. Of course, that is a stereotype and plenty of people of African heritage are long and lean. But it makes sense that some men, especially if they are hardwired to a bigger lady by family genetics, would be attracted that way. I guess. Don't pretend to be an expert.

Matt
01-28-2010, 08:50 AM
"My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon'."

--Ancient Swahili tribal poem (roughly translated)

Becka
01-28-2010, 09:07 AM
I know I'll get flamed, but it seems to me that the weight thing is more of a problem for white men. Black men (sorry, but I've seen it several times) don't seem to have a problem with it. Mind you, I'm talking about black guys who look like they take very good care of themselves and aren't overweight. Just my 2 cents. Flame away.

Nah, it's true. Speaking as a bigger girl, I definitely get hit on more by black guys and Latinos than white guys. Oh, and lesbians too. LOL

oneforone
01-28-2010, 10:29 AM
In my opinion, any woman can be sexy. You do not have to be 95 pounds to be attractive. I have met many sexy BBW's in my time. I married a beautiful woman who has not always had a fashion model's body. What makes her sexy is that she is confident with her self and she is very flirty.

ddavidson8
01-28-2010, 12:36 PM
:woowoo:
"My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon'."

--Ancient Swahili tribal poem (roughly translated)

:woowoo:

FormerFloridian
01-29-2010, 12:59 AM
"My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon'."

--Ancient Swahili tribal poem (roughly translated)

I absolutely love it.


And to blui25... I agree. I find myself in the same boat. Though I don't want to admit it, yes, some guys ARE that superficial. I have been single for the last year and a half but it's been by choice. I realized that if a guy.... scratch that, if a MAN does not have his cojones in their correct position, I don't want to date him anyway. And this goes for all aspects of my life, not just my size. This includes career choices, financial status, the car I drive down to the pets I choose. I dated a guy who LOVED bbw's. I told him where I lived so he could pick me up for our date. The first thing out of his mouth was, "Oh, you are a ritzy girl, huh?", based exclusively on my address. And for the rest of the night, he kept making comments about how his car sucked, and how his house was being worked on, etc...He kept apologizing for the circumstances in his life. He lacked the self confidence that makes a man sexy.

The same thing goes for us Big Girls. Don't waste your time focusing on the wrong group of men. When you walk into a room and you are able to command presence with your smile or better yet, your personality, the type of men you attract will be different than that of a girl who walks in with half her butt hanging out of her size 2 jeans.

And for everyone who has the perception that all fat people are lazy and slobs, I would suggest clearing that foggy mentality right away. I have met my fair share of fat, skinny, petite, big and tall, pretty much any size of people who are lazy and slobs. I can recall a certain somebody I once knew who was 175lbs and the laziest SOB I have ever met!

Hey, blui, let's go grab a drink and show the world who's boss!

gen70
01-29-2010, 02:04 AM
I love you both..

Oh GAWD the Smell!
01-29-2010, 06:07 AM
I came into this thread for Sir Mix-A-Lot.

Now I'll leave happy.:kicking:

TaoMaas
01-29-2010, 08:46 AM
Don't waste your time focusing on the wrong group of men.

Ummm...be careful that you don't become the men you're seeking to eliminate from your dating pool. Wasn't it the point of this thread to point out that men may be overlooking good women by only focusing on particular types?

FormerFloridian
01-29-2010, 09:03 AM
Ummm...be careful that you don't become the men you're seeking to eliminate from your dating pool. Wasn't it the point of this thread to point out that men may be overlooking good women by only focusing on particular types?

When I said not to focus on the wrong group of men, I am referring to the type of men who lack the self-confidence to be with any size or shape of woman, despite what people might say. As blui's original post, she mentioned that men are sometimes ashamed of dating a bigger girl because of what their friends will say. I am not suggesting that she starts judging men by their physical appearance as men sometimes do. All I am saying is that we all need to focus on finding someone who will love us for who we are and not what we look like. Try to think of this discussion as if she were a man who was being rejected for not having a six-pack. I would still tell him not focus on the women who only want to date men with six-packs. I would suggest finding women who are not superficial and would look past that to fall in love with who they are.

TaoMaas
01-29-2010, 09:20 AM
I understand...I'm just saying that you should be aware that "confident" and "valuable" aren't the same thing. How does one become confident? It's by experiencing success. So how does a man gain confidence in talking to women? It's by doing it many, many times. Is that the guy you want?

PennyQuilts
01-29-2010, 12:23 PM
All I know if that, for me, a man without self confidence is horribly unattractive. If there is one thing that does it for me, it is self confidence (assuming it is remotely warranted). Don't know how other people feel about it.

FormerFloridian
01-29-2010, 12:28 PM
6 words: Fake It Until You Make It.

FormerFloridian
01-29-2010, 12:30 PM
All I know if that, for me, a man without self confidence is horribly unattractive. If there is one thing that does it for me, it is self confidence (assuming it is remotely warranted). Don't know how other people feel about it.

I absolutely agree. I don't want to date a man who goes around with a "woe is me" attitude.

PennyQuilts
01-29-2010, 01:04 PM
Single men - are you listening? :woowoo:

TaoMaas
01-30-2010, 06:42 AM
All I know if that, for me, a man without self confidence is horribly unattractive. If there is one thing that does it for me, it is self confidence (assuming it is remotely warranted). Don't know how other people feel about it.

I understand...but a diamond is just an ugly rock until it gets the proper cut. I have a friend who I've been trying to set up with women to date. He's middle-aged...owns his own home...has a good job...doesn't smoke, drink, or do drugs...keeps himself in great physical shape...is unwaveringly loyal...and recently inherited a large sum of money. But unfortunately, he's hooked himself to someone who has been running down his self-esteem for the last 10-15 years and now he believes her. Those of us on the outside can see that it's her, not him, who is dragging things down, but he doesn't believe us. If a woman was to meet my friend, she would think he lacks confidence...and it's true, he does. But he has a wealth of qualities that he has every reason to feel confident about...if he weren't constantly being told how bad he is. Wanna know why he's so attached to this woman who tears him down? It's because she's skinny. Look...if you want a man to look beyond the initial first visual impression and see the great woman that lies within a BBW, you guys need to be willing to do a little digging, too. It IS possible to find a Picasso at a yard sale, but you have to be willing to look.

PennyQuilts
01-30-2010, 06:52 AM
We've all met heavy set, frecklyfaced, pasty guys with no hair who have women hanging all over them because they don't KNOW they are heavyset, freckly faced and pasty bald guys. They are funny, confident, smart, virile and attract women like magnets. Yes, they are out there. People who let other people define them have something going on with them that the other person is feeding on, imo. I don't think you can rob someone of their self confidence for any length of time if that is part of their personality (assuming they aren't ill and their personality is formed). Maybe short term. Or maybe a better way to say that is that if they let someone else do that, it probably is more their fault than the one who is treating them that way. Life is full of bullies and if you let them run over you, they will.

Having said all that, I guess I can think of certain widows/widowers I've known who blossum once the old cranky battleax croaks...

TaoMaas
01-30-2010, 08:13 AM
People who let other people define them have something going on with them that the other person is feeding on, imo. I don't think you can rob someone of their self confidence for any length of time if that is part of their personality (assuming they aren't ill and their personality is formed).

My friend wasn't like this before he met this woman and I believe he wont be like this in the future. But for now, he lacks perspective because he hasn't gone out and tested the waters in over a decade. Your argument goes against the grain of this thread. Is it logical to say, "Overlook this 'flaw' in me, but I'm going judge you via traditional yardsticks?" That thought process is why several of my friends remain single. They're less-than-perfect guys, but they look for perfection in their women. Finding a mate isn't about finding perfection. It's about finding 'a match'.

PennyQuilts
01-30-2010, 08:27 AM
I agree with you it is about finding a match.

But I have seen way too many people allow other people to define them and it is easier to blame them for all their problems/unhappiness than have the gumption to reshuffle the deck. The latter takes guts.

I don't know how it is with your friend but with a lot of women (and who knows, maybe women are more prone) that end up using their SOB husband/boyfriend as crutch to do nothing but sit around and feel sorry for themselves, eat ice cream and blame their significant other for ruining their life and damaging their self esteem. It is battered women's syndrome (probably a real malady but it comes about from extreme conditions) applied to everyday life because they have watched too much Oprah. It is easier to be safe and miserable than to take charge of their own happiness. I'm not talking about tossing the breadwinner out and risking being on the street. I'm talking about people who go along with a stronger personality and then complain and be miserable rather than speak up. We all have to learn to set boundaries with the people we love. That is just a people/relationship skill. My sweet husband would run right over me if I didn't put my foot down from time to time. If you don't push back, you aren't communicating and holding up your share of the relationship. Too many people passively put it off on their partner and then don't understand why they ceased to exist as a personality. It is not fair to expect the other person to know what you need or, for that matter, put responsibilty off on them to make you happy. That is too big a burden for anyone.

My inclination is that if you friend has stayed with an emotionally abusive woman because she is skinny, you have someone who "might" be beated down emotionally, but you probably also have someone who is emotionally passive. He knows the situation and does nothing about it. He is a big boy. He is clearly getting enough from the relationship that it is worth it to him. I am not being judgemental when I say that. On the contrary, I think I am being respectful of his decision to remain. To tell him he doesn't know how to run his life strikes me as more judgmental than what I said. No offense. Just saying that to head off that argument.

TaoMaas
01-30-2010, 08:40 AM
To tell him he doesn't know how to run his life strikes me as more judgmental than what I said. No offense. Just saying that to head off that argument.

There have been studies which indicate that friends often know what is better for us than we do ourselves. It's because they're not so imbedded in the situation and are able to see it more objectively. Are you really arguing that my friend is better off with someone who constantly tears him down rather than trying to find someone who lifts him up? And, yes, it is very similar to the battered woman syndrome. You're on the abuser's side, btw. You are arguing that these people really are damaged goods and don't deserve better. I respectfully disagree.

PennyQuilts
01-30-2010, 09:49 AM
There have been studies which indicate that friends often know what is better for us than we do ourselves. It's because they're not so imbedded in the situation and are able to see it more objectively. Are you really arguing that my friend is better off with someone who constantly tears him down rather than trying to find someone who lifts him up? And, yes, it is very similar to the battered woman syndrome. You're on the abuser's side, btw. You are arguing that these people really are damaged goods and don't deserve better. I respectfully disagree.

First of all, I never said the man was better off with the old witch. From what you said, he should have packed up and left a long time ago. But he didn't. And handwringing and whining that his misery and lack of action is her fault because he doesn't have the ... initiative ... to get out of the situation isn't helping him. It is just making excuses for a man who is, by your description, making bad life choices. I never said or suggested that he was damaged goods. I said he sounded like he was emotionally passive. I never said one way or the other that he didn't deserve better. That was just made up - clearly you are emotionally involved in the situation to the point where you aren't really hearing me.

You need to so some research on battered women's syndrome. Right now, you are channelling Oprah - one of the reasons our society is so screwed up these days. BW syndrome is real. Henpecked is also real but they aren't the same thing.

Battered women's syndrome is a legal defense that requires psychological backup for exactly the reasons you are demonstrating - it is used and abused as an excuse to shift the blame for not being a grown up on someone nearby. Nothing good comes from that.

As for saying I am taking the side of an abuser, get a grip. I never said anything in defense of the girlfriend. And moreover, you don't know abuse until you have seen what drags into court or the crisis center. To say that this pushy, rude woman is on par with the people who truly abuse is another reason our society is so screwed up. We are so quick to label an unpleasant bully as an abuser and calling the target a victim who needs to be rescued by his friends that we've forgotten that at the end of the day, it is our life and our responsibilty to make the most of it.

If you think the man is being abused, why haven't you called the cops or done an intervention? Or have you? This sounds like one of those situations where friends hate his old hide and think she is bad for him but he ignores them because they have sort of a dysfunctional thing going on that he is comfortable with.

And it bothers me that you think the reason he stays with her is because he doesn't know what else is out there. The last thing he probably needs is to jump into a different relationship if he doesn't even know himself and has been living in this sick routine. Maybe it wouldn't hurt your buddy to be on his own for awhile and figure out what/who he is rather than what someone else labels him or thinks is best for him.

My two cents. But I don't know the man. Maybe he really is abused - you just haven't described anything that rises to that level.

TaoMaas
01-30-2010, 10:45 AM
I never said or suggested that he was damaged goods.
Except in the sentence prior to the one I quoted in which you said about him, "...he doesn't have the ... initiative ... to get out of the situation". My friend is a good person with a lot to offer a woman. To bring this back on-topic...just as many BBW are great women with a lot to offer a man if one is willing to look beyond the view from across the room...which is exactly how you're judging my friend, I might add. You have absolutely NO personal experience with him, but you seek to make broad generalizations about him. That's precisely the type of thinking that this thread rails against.

PennyQuilts
01-30-2010, 11:11 AM
Except in the sentence prior to the one I quoted in which you said about him, "...he doesn't have the ... initiative ... to get out of the situation". My friend is a good person with a lot to offer a woman. To bring this back on-topic...just as many BBW are great women with a lot to offer a man if one is willing to look beyond the view from across the room...which is exactly how you're judging my friend, I might add. You have absolutely NO personal experience with him, but you seek to make broad generalizations about him. That's precisely the type of thinking that this thread rails against.

Get over it, Taos. I never did any such thing. The poor guy - such a victim -clearly if anyone sees him as damaged goods, it is you. You are saying he is so damaged he can't make decent decisions. Your insistance of seeing him as a victim is helping him so much that after all these years, he is still there taking the abuse from that horrible woman and just so miserable. Doesn't that tell you something?

FormerFloridian
01-30-2010, 03:20 PM
To bring this back on-topic...just as many BBW are great women with a lot to offer a man if one is willing to look beyond the view from across the room...

Here's how I feel about this.... As a BBW, I don't want to be with a man that can get over my physical appearance or is willing to look past it to discover my inner beauty. There are plenty of men out there who do find BBW's beautiful. And though I know it might take a while, I am willing to hold off on dating men who are only willing to accept it versus someone who embraces it. I am not saying I am going to be this way forever. As a matter of fact, I have already lost 12 pounds since the year started. But being in a relationship with someone who has lowered their own personal standards just to be with you is a ticking time bomb. Everyone has their own expectations for what they want in a mate. For those guys that like being with skinny girls, have at it. For those that like the meat, have at it as well. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and I am just waiting for someone who finds this puffer fish gorgeous.

okcaway
01-30-2010, 04:08 PM
You seem like a very decent person to love both of those women...kuddos to you!!
message to gen70 post

PennyQuilts
01-30-2010, 06:02 PM
Here's how I feel about this.... As a BBW, I don't want to be with a man that can get over my physical appearance or is willing to look past it to discover my inner beauty. There are plenty of men out there who do find BBW's beautiful. And though I know it might take a while, I am willing to hold off on dating men who are only willing to accept it versus someone who embraces it. I am not saying I am going to be this way forever. As a matter of fact, I have already lost 12 pounds since the year started. But being in a relationship with someone who has lowered their own personal standards just to be with you is a ticking time bomb. Everyone has their own expectations for what they want in a mate. For those guys that like being with skinny girls, have at it. For those that like the meat, have at it as well. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and I am just waiting for someone who finds this puffer fish gorgeous.

What a woman!! I think you have your head on staight, sista!

FormerFloridian
01-30-2010, 09:16 PM
Thank you. I just say what I feel.

Oh, and I finally decided to add my picture to show that I am not horribly disfigured or have a third eye or oozing sores.... Just a normal, Puerto Rican, Big Beautiful Woman.

Bunty
01-31-2010, 12:02 AM
We've all met heavy set, frecklyfaced, pasty guys with no hair who have women hanging all over them because they don't KNOW they are heavyset, freckly faced and pasty bald guys. They are funny, confident, smart, virile and attract women like magnets. ...

WRONG. Of course, such guys know how they look like. So they wisely knew they better develop a keen, often used sense of humor, if they were not already born with it in order to get women off their less than charming looks. There's a number of guys out there with Larry the Cable Guy type personalities and happily married as well. Guys who are losers with women mainly never developed a clever sense of humor. The fatter and uglier the guy is, the more important it is for such guys to say something funny in one flash instance after another.

oneforone
01-31-2010, 12:11 AM
It really does not matter what you look like you can land a relationship with somebody. What matters is that you can show someone a good time and that you are confident about yourself inside and out.

Nobody wants to hang out with someone who is constantly feeling sorry for themselves.

Bunty
01-31-2010, 12:17 AM
I absolutely agree. I don't want to date a man who goes around with a "woe is me" attitude.

Well, why not, so you can cheer him up? If the guy's down and out problem is due to getting rejected and hated a lot from women, he could treat you like some angel, though comes the risk of finding out the why behind all the rejection.

Bunty
01-31-2010, 12:28 AM
It really does not matter what you look like you can land a relationship with somebody. What matters is that you can show someone a good time and that you are confident about yourself inside and out.

Nobody wants to hang out with someone who is constantly feeling sorry for themselves.

How wrong you are. Haven't you heard that looks are everything? However, I will grant it's important for the good looking person and more so for the not good looking person to develop a real charming sense of humor, if not born with it, and use it often to stand out and compete with other people for attention from the opposite sex.

bandnerd
01-31-2010, 07:41 AM
Well, why not, so you can cheer him up? If the guy's down and out problem is due to getting rejected and hated a lot from women, he could treat you like some angel, though comes the risk of finding out the why behind all the rejection.

So...we're supposed to go against our instincts and find some guy who is downtrodden and change them, make them happier?

Come on.

PennyQuilts
01-31-2010, 08:10 AM
So...we're supposed to go against our instincts and find some guy who is downtrodden and change them, make them happier?

Come on.

I can't tell if Bunty is being funny. The Messiah complex (that you can transform a diamond in the rough and that only you can see their potential) generally comes back to bite cha. In the first place, you can't change anyone. Better love 'em as is, and save everyone a lot of grief.

bandnerd
01-31-2010, 09:01 AM
From my experience, the only time people change is when they want to change, not because someone changed them. People are the way they are for a reason, and one person coming into play isn't just going to make all that go away.

I can't tell if Bunty is being funny or not. Much is lost in translation on the interwebz...

nik4411
01-31-2010, 09:07 AM
my girlfriend needed me to change. waited a long time. i didn't ever make the changes i needed to. she was right. i did need to make some changes in my life. so she dumped me. then i finally woke up. i hate that it took her leaving me to figure it out. i just hope i can get her back one day.

so yea i agree, one can change only if they really want to

PennyQuilts
01-31-2010, 09:14 AM
Good luck, Nik. It is the old story, isn't it?

I think a lot of people get together with someone who is fine but just not a good match for them. They then spend a great deal of time and energy trying to change that person into something that works (or change themselves into something that works). I guess if you aren't too far apart in temperament or whatever it works but for those folks who just aren't suited, it is one long ordeal. Of course, I am talking about two basically whole people who aren't compatible - not someone trying to "fix" another person.

FormerFloridian
01-31-2010, 12:44 PM
Nobody wants to hang out with someone who is constantly feeling sorry for themselves.

Amen to that! People are naturally drawn to others with positive energies. If you get with someone with a lot of negativity surrounding them, they will eventually start to wear you down. Then you end up with a couple who feed off of each other's negative energies. It is not our job to try to fix anyone. If we find that we need to make some changes in our lives, it is our responsibility to do so.

bandnerd
01-31-2010, 01:39 PM
If you get with someone with a lot of negativity surrounding them, they will eventually start to wear you down.

Preach on, sistah. This is true for friendships, not just romantic relationships! I've had my share of negative friends. I never tried to "change" them, I did try to help and they never really wanted help; they just wanted to continue being negative so I just let them hit the road.

FormerFloridian
01-31-2010, 02:01 PM
Yes, it is true for other relationships. I am not a fan of hanging out with coke-heads. Had to sever ties with alot of people. Nothing better than a fresh start and being able to find people with similar mentalities.

TaoMaas
01-31-2010, 02:36 PM
Here's how I feel about this.... As a BBW, I don't want to be with a man that can get over my physical appearance or is willing to look past it to discover my inner beauty.

Sorry...I didn't express myself well before. For what it's worth, my wife is a BBW and I think she's the cutest thing I've ever seen. But, I would love her regardless of what her dress size was. If I were a man who was only into BBW, if my wife were to lose weight, my affection for her would wane...and that ain't happenin'!

FormerFloridian
01-31-2010, 09:39 PM
Sorry...I didn't express myself well before. For what it's worth, my wife is a BBW and I think she's the cutest thing I've ever seen. But, I would love her regardless of what her dress size was. If I were a man who was only into BBW, if my wife were to lose weight, my affection for her would wane...and that ain't happenin'!

Thanks for clarifying that. So it all boils down to the same thing, loving someone for who they are, not their dress size.

MsDarkstar
01-31-2010, 10:21 PM
All I can say about any of it is keep faith. Be true to yourself and you'll find the right person.

I also fall into the BBW category. I've always been a bigger girl. I was big when my ex-husband met me, and much to his dismay I didn't miraculously drop down to a size 4 once we were married. Of course, I didn't know he WANTED me to be a size 4 til after we'd said "I do." During the course of our 6yr marriage, I found myself being told how unattractive I was. That if I would just lose weight, we'd go out more because if I were thinner he'd want to show me off. He tried the bribing method; if I'd lose a certain amount of weight (how much to be determined by him) he'd buy me a brand new wardrobe, or he'd pay for me to have lasik surgery on my eyes. If I lost ten pounds, instead of saying good job, he'd remind me of the other 50 I still needed to lose. I went from being confident in myself and knowing that despite my size I was attractive, to not even wanting to look at myself in the mirror. In my mind, if the one person that is supposed to love me & cherish me just as I am thinks I'm a fat ugly mess then that must be what I am (was). The best part though? He told me all this while being overweight himself AND giving me gifts of chocolate. His "I'm sorry I made you cry when I told you that you were fat" gift was usually a big box of chocolates. Talk about F'd up lol. Suffice to say, I finally found a little confidence and dumped his lousy ass.

It was hard for me to get his voice out of my head after that. I had a very skewed view of myself. The reason I'm saying all this though is to reassure you that there ARE guys out there that like us big girls exactly the way we are. They don't want to change us, they don't love us "in spite" of our size. I'm engaged to a wonderful man that is absolutely gorgeous. He's got the proverbial washboard abs lol. Early on in our relationship I said to him that there was a part of me that was ashamed to be seen with him, not because of HIM but because of me...that there would be people looking at us wondering why on earth would someone that looked like him be with someone like ME. He told me how foolish that was, that everything that I perceive as a flaw is something he considers just part of what makes me ME and that's beautiful. Soooo yeah. Keep faith. You'll find the right guy that doesn't even think your weight factors into anything.

Oh GAWD the Smell!
02-01-2010, 01:42 AM
If I've learned anything from this thread, it's that there are some retarded men out there and most of the women here have their head screwed on straight.

kevinpate
02-01-2010, 05:43 AM
If I've learned anything from this thread, it's that there are some retarded men out there and most of the women here have their head screwed on straight.

And so it has been since the dawn of time
:tiphat:

FormerFloridian
02-01-2010, 09:15 AM
If I've learned anything from this thread, it's that there are some retarded men out there and most of the women here have their head screwed on straight.


And so it has been since the dawn of time
:tiphat:

Smart men we have here.... :bright_id

Bunty
02-01-2010, 03:54 PM
Well, then, maybe good sense and retardation level can be measured on the extent of one's sex appeal, or lack of it.

PennyQuilts
02-01-2010, 04:56 PM
Well, then, maybe good sense and retardation level can be measured on the extent of one's sex appeal, or lack of it.

Bunty, I must be retarded because I can't figure out what you just said.

rcjunkie
02-01-2010, 07:42 PM
Well, then, maybe good sense and retardation level can be measured on the extent of one's sex appeal, or lack of it.

Could you decipher in English please ?