A friend told me resently that she saw my ex-boyfriend on a singles site and was suprised at his posting. Being nosey, I had to check it out. He states in his post that he's tired of "Players" (this man has only had 3 relationships in his 35 years), which would hint that he feels he was "played" by me. Scrolling around on this site, I couldn't help but notice about 70% of the postings made a comment along these lines:
"No Players"
"If you play games, pass me up"
"Tired of games"
"Players move on"

This, to me, raises a topic......can someone define this for me? There seems to be a huge issue out there. If someone is simply wanting a certain thing out of life or a certain type of person and that person doesn't turn out to be or refuses to be what they want, can you just consider that person a "player" or can people just accept the fact that they chose badly or was unsuccessful in their attempt to change that person into what they wanted them to be.

I also noticed all these victims and absolutely no Players. I didn't see one post that proclaimed "Player looking for true love" or "I'm into games, so fasten you seat belt!".

( I also noticed silly things like a man with no teeth, covered with tattoos, sitting in what appeared to be a filthy mobile home procaiming to love candle lit dinners and walks on the beach.....but I'll save that for another post!)

The term player has two different applications.

When you are using the term player in reference to a man, it means he is using women for “compensation” IE: money and or sex. He has no attachment to the woman expect for his pleasure.

Women on the other hand play men for convenience not pleasure. Women play men by persuading a man to run her errands, spend money on her, give her attention or rescue her from her problems.

The female player coerces her victim into believing that compensation is a possibility but never allows it actually happen. The whole myth of compensation is used as carrot to get the guy to do what she desires. If she allows the victim to have the carrot, her powers over him are useless. When the carrot is gone she has no use for him, therefore she kicks him to the curb.

If you had a full-fledged relationship with your ex, he was not played. If you had teased him with the idea of a relationship or “compensation” then he could pull the played card.

Now, in regards to personal ads I learned a long time ago that most people on personals websites fall into two categories. People who lie to try sell themselves as something they will never be in a million years. Then you have the other, the people who think they can place an order for the perfect mate. I think it is funny how most people never learn the two basic rules of dating. Be yourself and keep your eyes open.

Sounds like what I was thinking. We didn't fall into either of these, meaning I didn't play him and he didn't play me. We just found, after 3 years, that we wanted completely different things out of life. I had not changed from day one, but I think he wanted some change, he changed quite a bit, but I don't pull the played card because of this.

I think, being single, people do act a different way and when they are in a relationship, they carry a completely different personality, after all, I think people want to have a life with another person for other reasons than just to have this squeeky toy for their very own. People are looking for a nesting place, 2-income family, having a partner to conquer life together, etc. Change happens so easily when there is twice as much laundry, 2 adults yet only one tv in the living room, going from getting to eat what you want to having to compromise and cater to what the other wants too, new family and friends to work to get along with, this list goes on. All of this is a huge change for people and there are so many categories where someone can say that the other didn't try hard enough to make it work, therefore, they've been played.

It's funny that your view on this describes the perfect "catch 22". You have women out there saying "I'm not going to do anything for this man until he shows me he's a sincere, hard-working, really wants to try for me, kind of man just in case he's a player" and at the same time, you have men saying " I'm not going to do anything for this woman until she can show me that she really wants to be with me by doing something to prove this relationship is moving forward, because she could be a player". Something gotta give here.