Would you continue dating a person if after you offered to be exclusive, they refused to?

Could they say "No" without hurting you?

No and No

Although I am not into the dating scene being married and all and faithful as well, I wonder why not.

Just because one partner in a relationship is ready to be exclusive (assuming that means to see none other than you), does not mean the other has to be ready; maybe in time, the other will feel the same, so why ditch him or her now? Give it a chance to blossom.

I'm sure we'd all seriously consider 'things' before offering exclusivity. I'm with Mariner.....no and no.

It's tough to give a simple one word answer to such a complex question.

It completely depends on all of the surrounding circumstances.

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And it does all depend on surrounding circumstances, the reason I can say NO so easily is because of having been thru the games so many times you realize it's not worth getting upset about anymore.

I do not think the question should ever be asked. I think exclusivity should just happen on its own.

I think when you do ask (especially if you have only been together for less than six months) your showing that you are insecure about the relationship.

If someone is serious about seeing you and you only, he or she will show it in his or her actions. They will naturally want to be around you most of the time. They will mention how much they missed you when you are apart. They do all kinds of favors for you without you asking them to. They simply show they do not want to be with anyone else but you.

In a good love relationship, everything should just happen naturally with out even thinking about taking action on anything.

I would have to agree with you, if you have to work at a relationship, or should I say forming a relationship to hard it may not be worth it and may be better to cut your losses and move on.

I must respectfully disagree with you, Jay. I do think most people show their committment in their actions, but there are many out there who are able to execute several relationships at the same time and in the same manner. (Probably best labeled as "players", but an exceeding step beyond.)

Once your relationship gets to a certain point (for example, a sexual relationship), I believe it must be asked "have we stopped seeing other people?" And asking that question isn't showing insecurity in the relationship, it's showing respect for one's self. I'd rather not sleep with someone who is involved with others at any level.

Pushing an exclusive relationship within the first couple of months is silly, I agree. However, after a certain point, a person should know if they are interested in deepening their relationship with the one they're dating. I've found that about 2 months is what I need to decide whether I'm interested in pursuing things further.

Point taken:

The problem with most single men and women these days is they are like a kid in a candy store. They want a taste of everything that is available. Simply because there in search of the perfect person.

In search for the perfect person we often pass up those who are perfect for us just because we eliminate them for one or two flaws.

A mature adult will tell someone there dating in the beginning that other people are in the picture.

The way I date, I see one person at a time and I wait to see if things are going to progress. If it appears that the situation has no future. I step up and tell the person that I think we should just be friends.

You really only need a couple of dates to see if there is a future for the two of you. From the third date on is the time to see rather or not if you can get past the crush phase. The crush phase can last from a few weeks to several months.

For me I will not get into another relationship until I know I fully know the person inside and out. I need to know that I can tolerate everything about them. To know all that it will take at least six months.

Good reply.

I don't think you can ever fully know someone. Settle for knowing someone well enough that there's very little chance of a big, bad surprise. And know that as people go through life their opinions and values change.

With the recent, huge change in my life (divorce), my own have changed unimagineably in only 14 months. My friends have pointed that out to me.

I don't think you should necessarily wait six months to be exclusive. But it better not be too soon either. This would be a good thing particularly to think more rationally about and less emotionaly. But the emotions should trigger that rational thought.

You and your “coach” Sweetdaisy can think of what you want to about my theory.

I do not think 2 months is long enough to really get to know someone. A person still has their luster intact and they continue to hide those questionable parts of their personality.


In six months or more, a person will get comfortable and let their guard down. When the guard comes down you see a person for who they really are. You see all the little annoying habits; you know what angers them and what makes them happy. When the guard is down you see the controlling side, the abusive side, how codependent they are and if there someone who insist things always go there way.



All of these are things that most people look at in hindsight and say, “If I had only known that when I made the commitment I would have walked away."

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Sweetdaisy is not my "coach". If my opinion is similar to her's, so be it. I wont take another position simply because somebody already has this one. (Hi, Sweetdaisy. )

Neither of us implied that exclusivity after only two months equates to a lifetime commitment, it doesn't. It's simply safer and more respectful of one another. "Engagement" is a lifetime commitment.

Anyway, you mention control, abusiveness, and codependancy....you've experienced my past?.....U R a thousand times wiser after leaving that sh*t, huh?

I dont think you can put a time limit on how long you should wait to become exclusive, some may know in two months and some may know in six months or even a year if they are ready to settle down with one person, it can also all depend on the past experiences and past relationships. For instance, Leon has had some rough times and it may take him longer than Jay to fully trust and understand again. Myself, I have also been burnt many times, so it will take me longer to open up to anyone. As far as letting your guard down and seeing ones flaws and what you dislike about them, I would say within a couple months you'd probably know if you are compatible.But in that couple months you are going to have to spend considerable time with someone.I have been talking to this girl that asked me if she could smoke in my truck or my house, the answer is no and her reply was then we are going to have problems, so it took me about a month of talking to see it just would not work out. We have not met yet, I got her phone number through someone else, but already from just talking on the phone I can see things just would not work, so why pursue it. Everyone is different and I just dont think you can mark your calendar and say, on this day we will become exclusive.

Goodness! I think I am very glad I found my mate many many years ago, and we have stuck it out through our agreements and disagreements throughout all those years. Reading this BS and assuming it is the mentality of the "dating" populace makes me all the more appreciative of what I have.

Pete

That statement proves my point........ I hate it when I am always right.

No, its not the mentality of the dating populace. It is just what the singles lounge has become. Nothing more than a bunch of posts that could be catagorized into chronic complaining, what if scenarios and group therapy.

Hopefully, one of these days we can get back to talking about interesting topics.

You are very lucky indeed you found your mate before the time of all the dating games started. Time are different now.

Jay...it's not just the singles lounge here, it is the dating world out there and what it has become. You are not always right and neither is anyone else, what may be right for you may not be right for John Doe. And although I must say you do have some good points alot of times that I do agree with I dont agree with this one. The dating world is what it is a game that you have to play if you want to be a part of it. Have I complained about my past? yes, but dont take that as crying because I find it very easy to move on now when things dont work out and say, Oh well, no big deal. Afterall, being single really aint all that bad, but if someone comes along that rocks my world that would be great and she will be treated very good.

Proves what point? and no, you are not always right...neither am I. If you have read alot of my past posts you can see that, and I will admit that. It's called opinion, sometimes mine is not right for others and vice versa.

The post about always being right was just a joke.

See....I told you I was wrong alot..sorry.

Why don't you try posting one someday?

I have and I am encouraging everyone else to do the same. Including you.

Now lets do everyone a favor and drop this stupid juvenile conversation.

Its time to move on to something else.