1. You want a major appliance for your birthday instead of a toy.

2. You watch the television programs you enjoyed as a kid and count the dead cast members.

3. You now consider your favorite music group as a teenager "noise."

4. A party drink is a glass of Geritol.

5. Your favorite sport is a nap.

6. A date is something you eat to stay regular.

7. Speeding is going the speed limit.

8. A workout is getting out of bed.

9. A trip is walking to the bathroom.

10. You find out you are the patient who paid for your Doctor's new million dollar house.