Bullies

[Karried]

My son is starting 7th grade tomorrow and although it hasn't been a real problem in the past - I am always worried about bullies. Last year a kid walked past my son and just reached out and 'slapped' him upside the face for no apparent reason.

Was it wrong for me to go to the school with a loaded Uzi? Well, not really, although don't think it didn't cross my mind


But, where do you draw the line in protecting your kids? When do you let them defend themselves and when do you step in?

I spend a lot of time teaching my kids to not to pick on others, treat others kindly and I try to treat others nicely, from the store clerk to the janitor - what do you all do?

What would you do if your son/daughter came home crying because a group of peers called them names or pushed them around?

This is a serious topic. Kids all over the world have dreaded waking up each and every morning knowing they are being sent to a place where others will terrorize them and hurt them... many have killed themselves. Many have years of hurt and anger to overcome. Kids can be so cruel.

I have heard now that kids are using emails & Blogs and smearing other's names all over the internet instead of just name calling and teasing the usual way. Some go so far to alienate and ostrasize kids so badly that kids transfer and move dropout, or worse, commit sucide. It's horrible.

I think, keeping the communication lines open with your own children is so important.... they may be troubled and scared and not know who to turn to. I always tell my son, if someone is really bothering you, do not hesitate to get help from us or any adult. If no one is around, use your most pissed off loud voice and tell the kid to Back off. Get to a public place or go to the office. Last resort, if he hits you - defend yourself ... if he doesn't stop - kick his ass.

Luckily, we haven't had major problems, the kid who 'slapped' him said he was playing around (yes, I called the principal and talked to her who in turn called both boys into the office - they don't tolerate bullying at all - zero tolerance - good)

No problems since.

On the other hand, I tell my boys constantly, don't tease other kids, don't join in on name calling, walk away and get help if someone is in real trouble, people are different - don't hurt anyone's feelings, be nice to everyone - not just the 'popular or cool' kids....

I also tell them when I went to high school it was amazing for me to learn that in a few years, the people I looked up to and longed to be, you know, the cutest coolest jocks and cheerleaders? They ended up pregnant and married and became zero personality, overweight, working for minimum wage and stuck with a brood of brats - so it's nothing to aspire to! :-)

How do you deal with other kids picking on your kids? Or being cruel? Have you had any problems? Did it affect you as a child?

[Curt]

Like you say, all you can do is treat other people like you want to be treated and tell your kids to do the same, walk away from the bully if they can and ignore them. I was one in school to just let things ride, but one day I snapped at this one kid and slammed him to the ground, he never picked on me again and we became good friends. Like anything else in life, walk away from trouble if you can, but dont be a pushover and dont be pushed around. I guess if I had kids I would tell them the same thing. I would not want my kid fighting but I would want him or her to stick up for themselves. It's a rough world out there and it's getting worse. Kids need street smarts, need to know how to and be able to kick some ass if they need to defend themselves. I'll be the first one to tell you I am pretty passive, until you cross me, then all bets are off.

[mranderson]

Teach the kids Marshall arts and boxing and tell them if the bully fails to stop after a fair warning, then beat the crap out of them. I bet they back off after getting worked over.

I verbally attacked them making them so scared of me they left me alone. Then, during the middle of high school, they started either growing up or doing time and it stopped.

[Curt]

Another thing, if I had kids, I would strongly encourage them to join the military right out of school for two years. I wish I had. I would have been a much better person for it.

[gbyte]

Personally I believe everyone should be bullied a bit but not overly so and not to the extent that it seems to get to these days. When I end up having kids I would definitely want to know if there was a bully that consistantly picked on them and if so would probably get them into aikido or something so that if it ever went physical they would just be able to take the situation without getting hurt themselves but perhaps letting the bully know not to mess with them.

[PUGalicious]

Originally Posted by mariner62

Like you say, all you can do is treat other people like you want to be treated and tell your kids to do the same, walk away from the bully if they can and ignore them. I was one in school to just let things ride, but one day I snapped at this one kid and slammed him to the ground, he never picked on me again and we became good friends. Like anything else in life, walk away from trouble if you can, but dont be a pushover and dont be pushed around. I guess if I had kids I would tell them the same thing. I would not want my kid fighting but I would want him or her to stick up for themselves. It's a rough world out there and it's getting worse. Kids need street smarts, need to know how to and be able to kick some ass if they need to defend themselves. I'll be the first one to tell you I am pretty passive, until you cross me, then all bets are off.

Sounds remarkably similar to my youth. I, too, was fairly passive; however, I can remember a couple of times — one in sixth grade and another in seventh grade (in different school districts) — where I "snapped" and ended up slamming that person to the ground, which is not good when you're the pastor's son. But after each of those occurences, I was pretty much left alone. After that I learned that if I walked and talked with confidence — letting insults roll off my back, but not backing down from physical confrontations — people generally didn't mess with me. I never went looking for a fight, but I was willing to stand up for myself if it came to that. Fortunately, it never was a problem after that.

I have two daughters. It's a little different with them, but not entirely. My experience thus far is that girls tend to be more emotionally and verbally abusive to each other than physically abusive like boys. The challenge for us as parents is to teach them how to whether the storm — not run away from it nor making it worse, but learning to ignore when possible, try to diffuse when feasible and stand up for yourself as a last resort.

[PUGalicious]

Originally Posted by mranderson

Teach the kids Marshall arts and boxing and tell them if the bully fails to stop after a fair warning, then beat the crap out of them. I bet they back off after getting worked over.

That's a good way to get suspension or expulsion, and/or a trip to juvenile detention.

[PUGalicious]

Originally Posted by gbyte

Personally I believe everyone should be bullied a bit

Why?

[Faith]

If this situation occurs with my boys in the future I would teach them to avoid physical fights if at all possible. They should tell the other child to back-off and the school administration should step in. But if another child touches them then I will teach them that it is okay to defend themselves. I would much rather my child put a bully in his or her place than be a pushover and come home to me hurt and emotionally upset. When a child is picked on all the time it can cause emotional damage to them which might lead to them opting for negative attention.

[mranderson]

Originally Posted by okcgoddess

If this situation occurs with my boys in the future I would teach them to avoid physical fights if at all possible. They should tell the other child to back-off and the school administration should step in. But if another child touches them then I will teach them that it is okay to defend themselves. I would much rather my child put a bully in his or her place than be a pushover and come home to me hurt and emotionally upset. When a child is picked on all the time it can cause emotional damage to them which might lead to them opting for negative attention.

The problem is most bullies do not back off. By trying to reason with them, it prompts them bully more. They will laugh at the administration because they know mom and dad will sue claiming harrassment. And probably win.

The only way to stop them is to work them over. Also known as giving them a taste of their own medicine.

[PUGalicious]

Originally Posted by mranderson

The only way to stop them is to work them over. Also known as giving them a taste of their own medicine.

...and known as the gateway to the criminal system.

[Faith]

Originally Posted by mranderson

The problem is most bullies do not back off. By trying to reason with them, it prompts them bully more. They will laugh at the administration because they know mom and dad will sue claiming harrassment. And probably win.
.

In that case I would like to have faith in the administration that they will discipline children when required to do so. Or they should fear my lawsuit for them failing to protect my child appropriately. Do the school systems really work this way? Is the administration of the schools really fearful of lawsuits from parents for necessary discipline of a bully? I would hope not.

[rxis]

i typed up a long personal story but I just deleted it.

To make a long story short, know your child well enough to know whats going on and help him/her develop the character needed to survive in todays world.

Take it easy if something he does something that seems strange, esp if he is a teenager. You can't just teach him street smarts. I bet during this education you will be worried a ton. I know I did some things to keep my reputation from becoming tarnished. I'm not talking about some tough guy rep, but a reputation that ppl can respect you for. Once your teenager losses it(even if it is over something totally stupid), he will lose a lot of allies too.

As far as what Mr.Anderson said about fighting fire with fire, I agree even if it means my son would get in trouble with the law. Its better than taking hits and developing an explosive behavior during his teenage years.
And fighting bullies isn't always as simple as just fighting back. My little war lasted a decade and included my entire family. It still affects me today.

One more thing, fighting a bully in a rough neighborhood can be very different than the avg suburb conflict.


Okay, I'm not sure where I'm going with this posting, but I'm tired and in a bad mood now. :stars: