Karried, I feel your pain. My oldest - 17 - is going through this too.

Trust me, I've run into several people who made foolish comments like Midtowner's. Pot on it's own may not be a huge deal (one reason I see no need to ban it from adults who want to do it at home), but when it's teenagers there is always 'other things' going on - like the other drugs, teenage sex and activities that could land them in jail and with a record they cannot shake.

I am a full believer that a parent has an OBLIGATION to know everything their kids do (while they are minors and living under your roof and you are liable for them), but to be reasonable enough not to react to everything they do (they are kids afterall).

When our oldest went from junior high to high school it was too much for him. He went from A's to D's. He quit sports, was always tardy to class and talked alot while in class. He also discovered girls and his first (and only) girlfriend is an ongoing nightmare (live with grandmother, no car, no license, no job and will be 20 when she graduates HS).

He had a MySpace and was spending a lot of time online. Primarily because we believe teens do not NEED a cell phone but we make one available to him when he leaves the house - and we watch his minutes used on a daily basis. Too many parents have had the shock of a $1,000+ cell phone bill by their 'wonderful' teenager.

We signed up for WebWatcher and for only $99 we can see everthing our son does on his computer (websites, keystrokes, emails written and/or read, etc.). Best of all it cannot be detected and we can sign-on from any computer that is online and see what he's up to. It even alerts us when key phrases are typed in or appear in an email (pot, drugs, sex, I'm going to kill my parents, etc.).

I'm the gatekeeper because I'm better at ignoring the 'kid stuff' then the wife is.

We soon realized his girlfriend was selling her parent's Loritabs and our son was smoking pot and drinking.

This we could not ignore and stepped in. First thing we did was have him drug tested (place by Crossroads) and made him pay for it (about $55).

The test actually came back negative, but he hadn't smoked in several days. But we were glad to know he had nothing 'serious' in his system.

We told him we'd test him whenever we wanted and he would pay for it. We also had a meeting with the HS principal and his girlfriends guardians.

He has no idea how we found out (thinks someone narc'd on him), but we haven't seen any other signs of it continuing. We also set him up with a weekly sit down with the school's counselor (which he now looks forward to and she even calls him during the summer).

We took the car away for 6 months and continued to monitor his Internet communications and occassionally monitored his home phone calls.

It's been about 9 months now and he was back to A's and B's when summer got here. We also made him get a summer job and gave him a 10:30pm curfew. He also has to get into at least one sport next year.

Probably the best thing we did was re-institute family time. We had gotten away from sit down dinners where we all pitched in to cook and clean. Those happen at least three times a week now. We also rent family appropriate movies and have family movie nights and we ALL do house chores together and then celebrate by going out for pizza, a movie, etc.

I think you had an obligation to tell your friend. Too bad she was too much of a coward to keep you out of it. Sounds like they put up a great 'Christian front' but do little to live up to the obligations of being a parent.

We've actually heard our son's girlfriend tell him (on the phone) that she wished she had parents who cared enough to keep her out of trouble.

Just remember, he is not your responsability and you can and should only do so much.

Good luck