If you'd like to whine about call centers, please press 1.
If you'd like to apply for the next available opening, please press 2.
If you have an IQ in triple digits, why didn't you already press 0 to reach a live person? Project much?
If you are still listening, please hold the line and someone will be able to assist you shortly, well, in the not too distant futu... you know what, if we're so busy we haven't cut in by now, you may as well hang up, go make a sandwich and try again. We don't really answer calls in order, but we do adore passing out false hope by saying we do.