Associated Press

OKLAHOMA CITY - Company X, universally considered the leader in cutting edge design of non-effis clad buildings by everyone except members of the Gaylord family (and their better paid employees), announced plan today to build a 51 1/2 story iconic headquarters near downtown Oklahoma City in the emergent C2S platte. When asked about the height of the building, a company spokesperson indicated that their intent was to be at least 1/2 story taller than the previously announced Devon Energy building. “We saw some early indications that they (Devon) might only build a 4.8 story building however we’re not taking any chances. We believe we will be cooler anyway but, we intend to keep our advantage even if we have to permanently assign an employee to stand on top of the building 24/7 to get the extra six feet.” Bill Simpelton, vice-president for global operations and microwave ovens said that 500 new jobs will be created averaging over $500,000 per position annually. Simpelton said that Company X is primarily looking for people with a demonstrated ability to whine publicly on message boards but who lack the power, prestige, drive or wealth to effect true change. "Additionally," he continued, "they would be required to opine the virtues of downtown living while maintaining their primary residence in the suburbs living over their parents’ garages.” “We want the sort of people who would work at Chesapeake, if they could,” said Simpleton, “but who recognize that companies need to eschew the notion of guarding strategic information in favor of total transparency and ultimately, subservience to message board polling information." Separately, Simpleton announced that Randy Hogan and Jim Brewer would be hired to acquire the land, manage the building project and attract national tenants to retail spaces available on the first two floors of the new skyscraper. Brewer was quoted as saying that his top priority was acquiring 20-30 acres to be used as surface parking for Company X employees and placing large “Coming Soon” signs in land as it is acquired. Hogan stated that he was still unsure as to where C2S was located within Lower Bricktown but would be getting with a representative from Rand McNally soon to go over the "location detail" in greater depth.