Quote:
Originally Posted by East Coast Okie
Not being sarcastic - I am serious - I read "love yourself" all the time and have no idea what that means. And I am female so you'd think it would be obvious!  Is it a feeling? Is it action? I know with a lot of my dysfunctional parents that they "love" their children (meaning they "feel" love) but they don't do much in terms of action that you'd expect from a parent who loved their child. I am always telling them that love is more than just a feeling. So what is meant by "love yourself?" And if you say it means both (action and feeling), ok, I expected that, but I am still at a loss as to what that means.
Does that mean I am supposed to feel good about myself even if I am a jerk? What does that fix? Does it mean that I should treat myself to something special? Even with children that should be used sparingly and I wouldn't want them to think that I love them because I give them stuff.
Does it mean that I go easy on myself when I am having a bad day? Take a bubble bath or get a pedicure when I am stressed? Be selfish even when it negatively affects others?
What does it mean? And how does that make anything better? I hear/read that all the time and usually just ignore it. The more I think about it, the less it makes sense (to me).
I'm confused. |
To me, based on my experiences, it means to know and understand yourself first before trying to seriously connect with a mate/partner. I know that there were times when I was not happy with myself and my relationships were bad as a result. It's not a me first attitude. It's accepting and understanding that I have faults and great aspects as a person and I accept them. I try to change the faults, but I don't expect another person to be responsible for me changing.
It was a real revelation to me when I could allow myself to accept myself as an independent entity without the need for approval to be happy. Once this happened, I was much more understanding of others and my relationships improved. I don't expect everyone to like me and I accept that. I know that my personality is different and many people like it and some hate it. I don't try to change the ones that hate it.
I think many people settle for a bad relationship and would probably be better off being a free agent and work on 'Loving" themselves first. I know these things are complicated. I have also found that the "opposites attract" notion has been true in my experience. My current relationship would fail every Oprah, Dr. Phil, Joel Olsteen test in the world, but it is one of the richest relationships I have ever had. Maybe it comes with age, I'm not real sure.